Everyone predicting the NYC 9/11 trial is going to be a huge fiasco are going to look silly when it’s only a minor fiasco.

V will go a different direction next year with the aliens going moose-hunting and constantly saying, “You betcha!” Different parallel?

I think Obama would be more impressive if he wore a cape.

Anyone ever going to do a full psychological study on internet trolls? I think many people would gladly donate funding.

I have an idea for a movie where pirates learn to look just like us and blend into society and pirate us from the inside.

Will our show trial of KSM be enough to convince the world we’re a democracy or do we also need a sham election?

So is there going to be an investigation into whether our troops are getting really crappy psychological care? It seems like odds are there are plenty of crappy psychologists in the military who aren’t exposing themselves by committing mass murder.

Hugo Chavez is teaming with Cubans to bomb clouds. The Chinese did something similar to get their first snow fall. Added to this, it’s an actual scientific theory that time-traveling birds are sabotaging the Large Hadron Collider. So basically we have Communists controlling the weather and time-traveling birds sabotaging our equipment. It kinda looks like we’re headed towards some sort of apocalypse scenario that science fiction authors never predicted — one that doesn’t involve apes or robots.

So heads up.

Obama needs to make jobs for actual congressional districts; stimulus money shouldn’t just go to people who live in the Twilight Zone.

Republicans only want to help rich people like Tony Stark and Scrooge McDuck.

My least favorite politicians: Hitler, Stalin, and Sarah Palin. And what do they all have in common? Mustaches. Palin has a mustache of the soul.

My reasons for hating Palin are both too numerous and too vague to mention.

Answer this honestly: Are the names Palin gave her kids the choices of a sane woman?

If sexy vampires are now popular, maybe it is high time for sexy politicians.

When I type in the numbers to text “hooray!”, the phone gives me “Goosby!” I’ve decided that’s my new exclamation of triumph.

Interestingly I have just about as much interest to see Avatar as I did Titanic.

Is the word “dictionary” defined in the dictionary, because you obviously know what it means if you know to look it up in the dictionary.

The way you become the one true conservatives is to denounce all other conservatives. It’s a bit like Highlander.

In my latest Pajamas Media column, I have a bunch of tips for Obama on how to behave himself in other countries. Did you know that different countries have different cultures?

Really late to the party (I barely ever make teleprompter references any more), but they manage to squeeze some more humor out of it. See, you can make fun of Obama if you’re actually funny and not a drooling sycophant:

Obama’s Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family Dinner

I’ve decided I need to shake things up at IMAO, so I’ve decided to hate Sarah Palin. I guess I was a little flummoxed on her resigning as governor, and now I’ve decided to run with that and turn it into full-blown irrational hatred. I can’t stand it any time she talks. I can’t stand it any time she posts to Facebook. I’m having trouble standing my own wife because she is also named Sarah (but that goes back a bit).

Sarah Palin is a dumb stupid who is going to destroy the Republican Party with her ignorance and not-reading-newspapersness. She’s going to teach our children that dinosaurs are thousands of years old which will make the unqualified for all the jobs in which knowing the correct age of dinosaurs is required. Also, she’s pro-earthquake.

So, I hate her and want her to go away. If you think I’m off base here, tell me in the comments. If you think I’m really off base, go around telling people how awful I am and that they should come visit IMAO to see how dumb and hateful I am and yell at me. And if they like Sarah Palin, tell them I think they’re stupid and should die.

It would be pretty awesome if Dick Cheney runs for president in 2012; liberal brains would probably explode and they’d all die if he won. He could even have his daughter, Liz Cheney as a running mate (“Take Your Daughter to Lead Day”). Not to get ahead of myself, I already came up with some slogans for Cheney’s presidential run (Exurban Jon also has some slogans, but he totally stole the idea from me):

SLOGANS FOR DICK CHENEY IN 2012

“I know what the hell I’m doing.”

“You’d rather me on your side than against you.”

“Experience, leadership, normal-sized ears.”

“I shoot my friends in the face with a shotgun. What do you think I’ll do to America’s enemies?”

“I’m what the Mayans predicted.”

“Heart attacks don’t even slow me down.”

“The only time I’ll bow before a foreign leader is in preparation for an uppercut.”

“I already control everything; let’s just make it official.”

“Torturing terrorists may not make reliable intelligence, but does make reliable fun.”

“If I’m busy being president, I won’t have time to eat your children’s souls.”

“Say ‘Go @#$% yourself!’ to the entire world.”

“Vote for me and I’ll consider not strangling this box of puppies.”

“I’ll piledrive a foreign leader before I’ll bow to one.”

“Probably not going to win a Nobel Peace Prize.”

“KSM will get to plead his case to my shotgun.”

“You want a change? How about a president who doesn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks about him.”

“You don’t inaugurate me; you unleash me.”

“I will say, ‘Mr. Ahmadinejad, tear off your own face.’ And he will do as I tell him.”

“Yes we can of whoop ass.” (assist to Lori Z)

UPDATE:

I should mention my favorite from Jim Treacher: “It’s not a smirk. You’re just not worth the attention of my whole face.”

SarahK (you remember her? I think she like married me) is now posting at a new blog, tWits.ws, along with Caleb Howe of Red State, Lori Z of Snark and Boobs, and Tommy Christopher, their token liberal (boo! liberal!). It’s sort of a Twitter-based blog, as everyone loves Twitter (you love Twitter), and they have posts of hashtag fun and other stuff like politics and internet humor (here’s SarahK’s most recent post). So check it out; it might be neat to read a funny blog.

And here is an exclusive from them – Video of the White House PowerPoint presentation on the bowing controversy: