There’s talk that General Petraeus may change the rules of engagement in Afghanistan. We here at IMAO have obtained an advanced copy of what those new rules may be:
LETHAL FORCE CAN BE APPLIED WHEN…
* Someone is shooting at you.
* Someone is shooting near you.
* Someone is shooting another Transformers sequel.
* Someone blows into a vuvuzela.
* You already tried fisticuffs, and that didn’t work.
* You have written permission from your parents.
* Someone makes a “Yo’ Mama” joke that really stings.
* You ask, “Can I use lethal force against you?” and you’re pretty sure you see the guy nod.
* You’ve run into the inventor of clamshell packaging.
* Someone just looks extra, super terroristy.
* Hippies.
* Someone throws a puppy at you.
* You’re absolutely sure there’s no media around.
Um.. I just blew away my Roger Clemens bobblehead.
-ls/cm
BLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!! I blow my vuvuleza in total triumph because Dick Chaney has out lived Robert Byrd.
* A crazy doctor tries to conk you on the noggin and shoot you into space.
* You hear a cat meow.
* You have any ammo.
* your opponant says your momma is Kagan.
* your opponant’s mooma IS Kagan.
*your drive thru window order is wrong because the window person doesn’t speak english.
Something about him (or her) reminded you of Justin Bieber.
Burma, I salute you.
You’re kinda sure the guy is a spammer.
When someone says “its Bush’s fault.”
* You got up on the wrong side of the bed.
* Your coffee pot broke.
* It walks like a raccoon, talks like a raccoon and it ate your strawberries.
I think this one came from General Cartman. He says you can also open fire on any drum circles because if there are not any of those filthy hippies, there soon will be.
It sleeps with its eyes open. Creepy.
*Because Stone Cold said so!
*Because sometimes Natural Selection could use a helping hand.
* Someone wants to raise your taxes.
*When someone asks you if you support president Obama’s agenda.
*They’re wearing black pajamas and crawling under the wire.
* Because it’s a day of the week ending in the letter “q” or “y.”
* Someone is in the crosshairs
* Someone is joe biden stupid.
* Someone farted
If they’ve set up camp on top of a huge lithium deposit and they won’t share.
The guy in front of you looks like a foreigner and the guy behind him looks kind of like a terrorist. Some days it’s just bad luck to wear a turban.
Your Mooselimbed dad’s rules say you are engaged at age five to that booger eating old man in the tent down the street.
Bantha_Fodder says:
WHAT?
American Idol judge Randy Jackson declares that they were “a little pitchy”.