Just so you know, the Amazon Kindle has dropped $70 to $189. Now, SarahK loves her Kindle, but I’ve never cared that much because I’m not into that whole “reading books” thing, but $189 price makes the Kindle notable to me as a backup internet device since you get 3G wireless internet access with no monthly fees. Yeah, it’s black and white and a very basic browser, but it means you will be able to read IMAO from anywhere you can get a cellular signal. Something to think about.

Oh, I probably should make my book
available on Kindle some day…

Here are monkeys riding around on sheepdogs herding goats:

Scary, huh? As monkeys learn how to do more and more things, they approach a world where they don’t need us anymore and take over. Thus the Planet of the Apes. Of course, the same thing is happening with robots which leads to a Terminator future. So really, the future awaiting all of us is Planet of the Apes versus Terminator — and I don’t know who will win there.

Of course, it kinda looks like in the video that the sheepdogs are actually doing all the work and the monkeys are just hanging on for dear life, which makes the video less scary and more funny.

So the White House, in responding to why they were demagoguing BP CEO Hayward, said that we’re all better off when Obama goes golfing every once in a while. Kinda hard to argue with that. It’s well established by now that Obama is less than useless — he only makes things worse by getting involved. But what if he played golf more?

PRESS: “So when is Obama is going to create some massive new program to ruin American healthcare?

GIBBS: “Not today; he’s too busy playing golf.”

—

PRESS: “So when is Obama going to pass his stimulus bill and wastefully spend a trillion in tax dollars?”

GIBBS: “Obama is busy in a sand trap; he doesn’t have time for bills.”

—

PRESS: “When is Obama going to pass Cap & Trade and smother our dying economy with higher energy prices?”

GIBBS: “Obama was out at the driving range and saw the bucket of balls next to him and wondered if his head would fit in it… well, let’s just say he’s not focused on Cap & Trade right now.”

—

PRESS: “What are Obama’s plans for his reelection campaign?”

GIBBS: “He’s not running for reelection; he’s joining the PGA tour.”

—

So basically “More Golf = Less Problems”. I say we encourage Obama to keep playing golf, and if he gets bored of that, get him like a Where’s Waldo book or something to keep him distracted.

Do you know who Renee Ellmers is? She’s running against Rep. Bob Etheridge, who not only gets violently angry when people ask him questions, but has been a reliable vote on all of the Obama agenda. Renee Ellmers, on the other hand, is a true conservative and not a career politician (she’s a nurse — hello, nurse). Also, she is not violence prone. Well, I wrote Top Ten Reasons to Elect Renee Ellmers for her campaign, and I think they are all very good reasons.

In the Washington Post, someone proposed that Hillary Clinton and Biden should switch jobs.

Hillary as Vice President? I don’t know if that’s a good idea.

As it stands, Hillary as to somehow get rid of the current president, Biden, Pelosi, and Sheets Byrd to become president. I think she knows she can’t have them all befall “accidents” without raising too much suspicion, so that’s fine. But if she were VP, I doubt it would be a day until we heard on the news: “The president was found tied to a chair with his eyeballs cut out — an apparent suicide. Hillary Clinton has been sworn in as the new president and has released this statement, ‘Power. Power! POWER!'”

It might be a nice change of pace to replace Obama’s moronic, impotent idealism with a raw lust for wielding power, but I’d rather just wait for the next Republican.

Obama has apparently said he won’t secure the border until amnesty has been agreed to.  Similarly, he’s threatening to not stop the oil leak until we finish the cleanup.  Basically, everything Obama does is asinine and just makes everything worse for everyone.  Still, they’re always talking about a “Path to Citizenship”, so maybe we can come up with an appropriate one.  To start out in America by disregarding its laws and coming here illegally is a grave crime, and it will take a lot for someone to redeem himself and be able to call himself “citizen”.

THE PATH TO CITIZENSHIP

“The path to citizenship takes one through the frozen slopes of Caradhras, the deep, dark pits of Moria, the orc and goblin infested plains of Mordor, the hippie infested streets of San Francisco, and finally to the heart of evil itself where death lurks in every shadow — Chicago. Finally, at the Gate of Citizenship stand the Jabberwocky — universal symbol of fascism — and it must be bested to proceed. Then any who survive will be granted citizenship and a free miniature American flag.”

So something like that.

So the U.S. played Slovenia in the World Cup Friday — a country not even Google has any idea where it is — and they started out whomping us 0-2. That seemed impossible to come back from because two goals is already pushing the excitement one soccer game can contain, but America did come back. And when they kicked a goal putting them ahead 3-2… the referee took the goal away because of some invisible foul only he could see. So the game was stolen by some anti-American ref.

I know — it’s soccer so who cares. I didn’t even watch the game. But the thing is while I’m okay with America losing a game because our team sucks as we don’t care about that sport, but I can’t stand any game being stolen from us. I don’t care if it was Candyland played on an international level — when we win fair and square, there are huge consequences from trying to take that away.

Right after that game, the President should have gone right on TV and said to the camera, “Referee from the U.S.-Slovenia game, I want you to know you have killed your family. When you get back to your home country, you will see nothing but dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them destroying everything you know. You have done this to yourself; it’s now out of my hands.”

Yep, this is yet another argument to get working on the dinosaurs with rocket launchers program. When people know you have dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them and aren’t afraid to use them, they’re fair to you. Sometimes more than fair.

America shouldn’t be beat by a country that 99% of us can’t even identify what continent it’s on.

So are most goals scored in soccer during the power play? Or am I thinking of a more interesting sport?

Yes, I make fun of soccer and like curling. Curling is the thinking man’s sport. Soccer is the vuvuzela-blowing man’s sport.

So is anyone trying to stop the oil leak still, or have we just given up by now?

If banning vuvuzelas is racist, expect a surge in KKK membership.

“We named our dog ‘Ginger’ because she has no soul.”

Obama says he won’t stop the oil leak until we establish a path to citizenship for the already spilled oil.

If I were an atheist, I’d be a happy, carefree one… but that’s just me.

We’re not taking the energy crisis seriously until we finally decide to kill those blue people and take their unobtainium.

Fred Thompson was on the Daily Show last night. Fred Thompson gets along well with Jon Stewart in the beginning, but eventually Fred gets annoyed with him and explodes his head.

(hat tip Viral Footage)

I haven’t reminded you in a while, but you can buy IMAO t-shirts like the new Top Ten Democrat Slogans one:

You may be saying, “But I want to be like Matthew McConaughey and not wear a shirt.” That’s foolishness. Do you know of all the businesses that require people to wear a shirt (in additions to shoes — not sold by IMAO) to get service? Think of all the exciting new opportunities you could have by wearing an IMAO t-shirt.

Also, money goes towards the “Making Sure Princess Buttercup Doesn’t Have to Live in a Drawer” fund. SarahK says we have to buy all this baby stuff like cribs and a stroller (can’t we just put wheels on a box) which I think is stupid but she is very insistent.

So buy a shirt and have fun legally entering 7-11!

They said Obama would make America more popular around the world, and he did. Apparently, people really like the fact that just by being an ally of America, you get a free iPod. In fact, the U.S. is viewed more favorably everywhere except Muslim countries. You’d think the “secret Muslim” rumors would help Obama over there, but apparently there’s a well-defined plateau in popularity with them while our policy is still to kill terrorists and not kill Jews.

So what does our newfound popularity mean?

ADVANTAGES OF AMERICA BEING POPULAR
1. Get invited to more parties.
2. Could be elected homecoming queen.
3. Will no longer get picked last when the world plays a game of kickball.

Of course, being popular is opposed to what we were before: Feared.

ADVANTAGES OF AMERICA BEING FEARED
1. Countries will do whatever we tell them to.

Personally, I liked that better. Like if we were feared, no one would dare blow a vuvuzela out of fear of us declaring war on their country and obliterating it — which we probably would. Yeah, being feared requires being mean to countries and pushing them around, but it’s well established that foreigners don’t have rights so that’s not a problem. Plus, it just creeps me out that people would choose to have other countries than America; it just doesn’t make any sense. They’re probably all psychos. And if a bunch of weirdos like us, that could be bad.

So what do you think? Is it better America be feared or popular? And you can’t all pick “feared”. We need more balance in IMAO comments.