With Pelosi calling people back from summer recess to spend $26 billion more, you ever wonder if the Democrats are addicted to spending? That’s why I liked the summer recess — no more spending — but apparently the Democrats can’t go not spending our money that long without getting the shakes. And I’m sure the Democrats will come up with some reason to make it sound urgent to spend the money like saying it’s to get puppies for orphans and that anyone against it must hate puppies and orphans, but in the end I think it’s just about spending more money because that’s their whole life and what they’re obsessed with.
What the Republicans need to do is say, “Okay. Let’s spend more money.” Then they’ll act like they’re going in to vote, but as soon as the Democrats are all in the vote-atorium, they’ll lock them inside. And the Democrats will be like, “Let us out! There’s no money to spend in here!” And the Republicans will be like, “No. You’re not coming out until you detox from spending.” And the Dems will screech and cry and claw at the door, but the Republicans will have to hold firm. And if the Democrats are like, “We’re hungry; please give us food.” don’t do it! It’s a trick! As soon as someone goes in there, they’ll grab his money and spend it. And if one complains about needing his heart medication, also a trick.
So that’s what I think the Republicans should do. How would you end the Democrats’ addiction to spending?
two words:
shock collars
Four words:
Vote The Bastards Out.
No Democrats, no spending, no problem.
They need some new medication, Frank.
Maybe you’re thinking there’s a “methadone for big spenders,” but you’d be wrong.
The only known cure is hydrogen cyanide administered until spending stops.
It’s worse than that.
Pass $26B spending bill →
Borrow money from Chinese Overlords →
Redistribute to Teachers Union →
Owing & Payable Union Dues to Union Masters →
Contribute to Democratic Political Coffers →
We’re Screwed. With our own money, no less.
Harry: “Nan, I need a couple of billion to spend. I’m hurtin’ babe. Can you help a brother out?”
Nancy: “Sorry Harry – I’m jonesin’ myself. ”
Harry: “C’mon, you must have something – just a little something to get me through.”
Nancy: “I’m tellin’ ya, man, I’m as dry as Searchlight in August.”
Harry: “I know you have something. Anything – a continuing funding bill for National Parks, a Ted Kennedy Memorial Parkway – I’ll take it.”
Nancy: “Dude! I’m out! I haven’t spent jack in weeks myself. Damn elections comin’ up and everybody’s like ‘Gotta cut pork, gotta reduce deficits’. That’s fine for them – they don’t have a broke, outta work state back home that already owes everyone on the freakin’ continent. You think you’re the only one hitting me up for some spendin’? Try having everyone in Sacramento with your number in their speed dial!”
Harry: “Jeez – I gotta get something to spend somewhere. Damn, I miss Byrd – he always had a stash.”
That whole scenario reminds me of a dave chapelle sketch. I can already envision Obama as Tyrone Biggums,”Am I too late for the 4:00 free crack giveaway?”
A link is worth 1,000 words
http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=11888&title=tyrone-biggums-crack
Cold Turkey, Ma Boy! Throw a bunch of frozen Butterballs into the room with them. Then pipe in Justin Bieber music 24/7 until they “take the cure” and swear off spending forever!
This one’s a puzzler, Frank. I like the idea of shock collars, but mebbe something more direct would work. We could create “Skinner Boxes” for congress. We’d wire 110 AC to the “Yes” part on their Vote-o-Buttons. When the “Vote Now” light comes on, they’ll be tempted to press “Yes,” Aha! When they do that, they’ll get a nasty shock. After a while, they’ll be reduced to running to the corner and cowering every time there’s a vote.
Your lights are on, but you’re not home
Your mind is not your own
Your heart sweats, your body shakes
Another spending bill is what it takes
You can’t sleep, you can’t eat
There’s no doubt, you’re in deep
Your throat is tight, you can’t breathe
Another spending bill is all you need
Whoa, you like to think that you’re immune to the stuff, oh
Yeah
It’s closer to the truth to say you can’t get enough, you
Know you’re
Gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to spending
You see the signs, but you can’t read
You’re runnin’ at a different speed
You heart beats in double time
Another spending bill and you’ll be mine, a one track mind
You can’t be saved
Spending is all you crave
If there’s some left for you
You don’t mind if you do
Whoa, you like to think that you’re immune to the stuff, oh
Yeah
It’s closer to the truth to say you can’t get enough, you
Know you’re
Gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to spending
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to spending
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to spending
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to spending
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to spending
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to spending
Guitar solo (once around)
Your lights are on, but you’re not home
Your will is not your own
You’re heart sweats and teeth grind
Another spending bill and you’ll be mine
Whoa, you like to think that you’re immune to the stuff, oh
Yeah
It’s closer to the truth to say you can’t get enough, you
Know you’re
Gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to spending
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to spending
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to spending
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to spending
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to spending
……with apologies to Robert Palmer, and none to the Democratic Party.
@Zzyzx: Score!!
@zzyzx
Or in the language of demoncrats, marxists, commies, and poofders
Gooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllll
I would really enjoy seeing an elegant, world-class hack that connected each congress person’s pork-spending with their own personal bank accounts instead of the U.S. Treasury.
So, for example, Harry Reid feels that the road between Reno and Las Vegas needs to be resurfaced with gold leaf, and he gets his many friends and associates to concur.
The contract is awarded, the road glistens. Then Harry pays his bar tab and the check bounces. Oops.
Both parties are addicted to spending. Sorry but its true. The next RepublicOn will spend more than GW Bush did. He, she, or it probably won’t have any choice. And its all because of STUFF.
First: Stuff costs more than it did last year. And next year Stuff will be even more expensive than it is today. Prices on Stuff always go up.
Second: Some Stuff is important (often called important stuff). Other Stuff is just fun. The fact is that politicians like their Stuff.
Third: Everyone needs their Stuff. The Army needs stuff like bullets. The Air Force needs stuff like planes and the Navy needs Stuff that floats. The Office of Budget Management needs Stuff like pencils and paper to keep track of all the STUFF the Gov buys.
So if ya want to cut Gov costs ya have to stop buying stuff.
They need a name for their bill, so here are some suggestions:
The Oppressive taxation act of 2010, 2011, ….
Or maybe the Democratic Marxist Regression act of 2010,2011….
simpler than an electrical system would be sprinkling some cayenne pepper on their “Aye” vote-o-buttons. after voting for something they’ll rub their eye or nose and the pain would be on! soon, they won’t approach that console for love or money, kinda like training a puppy.
This will be the third time I have offered this suggestion.
Crucify the worst offenders along all roads leading into Washington as a warning to others.
I would prefer impaling, Marko. Would that be acceptable?
A tall tree and a short rope should do it….
Can we just give them monopoly money to play with? Maybe give them some shiny nickles and piggy banks and distract them with the jingling sounds the coins make?
Not really, Jimmy. They seem to like slowly killing our financial future, so a similar punishment should befall them.
Excessive Gov spending can be eliminated if, and only if, there is no money left!
The sooner the money runs out the sooner we can eliminate all the wasteful spending.
So here is my proposal. We all do our best to help thee Obama bankrupt AmeriKa.
I want all of you to apply for some sort of public assistance tomorrow. Food Stamps, Welfare, Med coupons, free condoms, free bubble gum, free Internet, who cares. Just as long as it costs Uncle Sam some real big bucks.
And when its all over, when thee Obama is back at home in Kenya, and our Economy is finally allowed to recover (in about 6 years) you can stand up tall and say, “I did my part to prove communism does not work. I bankrupted America to save America”.
Now give me my free Government Cheeze!
Ok Marko, but maybe just a little slow impaling in phase with the crucifixion? I want something shoved up their a$$ (and not my money!).
Democrat Delenda Est
After we finish that we can finish huntin’ down any RINOs too clueless to see which way the wind is blowing and get outta town.
Seriously. There is no such thing as a Democrat elected official worth saving. One can make the argument some Democrat voters are clueless as to what their father’s party has become but only a true retard could offer themselves up for elected office without knowing what the party whose banner they are carrying stands for.
There is longer any room for compromising with Democrats even if they were willing to actually do it on terms other than the usual “bipartisanship is defined by ‘moderate’ Republicans agreeing with Democrats”. Their vision for America is incompatible with the vision laid out in the Constitution. One side must lose for the other to win. I propose we make it them who suffers the agony of defeat and that we hurry up and do it before this constant tug of war just destroys the country and we all lose.
Don’t just content yourself unelecting Democrats from Washington. Retire them from State office, retire them from local offices. Those local politicos are the farm team the national party recruits from, so cut off the supply. Besides, local officials can cause almost as much pain as state and national ones. Seize back the school boards alone and in a generation our victory would be assured.
I don’t know, Jimmy, I think we are too much like Sodom in too many ways already. Also, I doubt it is possible to shove an ego up an a$$.
Can’t we just shoot them? I mean, there’s the arguments about morality and all that, but that sounds like it would be a better discussion topic for AFTER we shoot them.
And desecrate the bodies, of course.
I propose public beatings, lashings, whippings, stonings, tar and featherings, hangings, beheadings, shootings, crucifixions, and burning at the stakes.
Without the fear of public humiliation and corporal punishment, these thieves no incentive to not be wasteful spendthrifts.
RE:Jimmy @ August 10th, 2010 at 11:18 pm
How you gonna get anything up their arses with their heads blocking up the dang things?
Good point Carpenter…perhaps it’s time for the voters to tell the government to just stuff it.
#22 – Carpenter,
Be careful what you wish for.
When the Soviets got short of cash, they went after the churches.
“Hey! You Christians are supposed to be charitable – so cough it up!”
And you never saw a poor commissar.