In February of 2009, Joe Biden said that the stimulus would create 3.5 million job and literally drop kick us out of the recession. Literally.
I think a lot of us feel like the stimulus has dropped kicked us, but it hasn’t really literally done it. And since America has lost 3.3 million jobs since the stimulus, I guess the 3.5 million jobs created weren’t literal either. If Biden is going to misuse rhetoric, though, he might as well go more over the top. Here’s my suggestion:
“This stimulus is going to literally — literally, I say — put us on unicorns who will fly us into space to a magical kingdom made entirely out of crystal ruled by a land octopus who talks.”
Now there’s some rhetoric, and I think Biden could pull it off. Obama is always appearing on TV and making these long speeches no one cares about, so maybe he should give a prime time address to Biden. Like a whole hour of Biden talking. Impromptu. That would be crazy awesome!
Wow! Ruled by a talking land octopus! Not to be confused with the endangered and very rare Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus I hope? http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Pacific_Northwest_Tree_Octopus
I hope the magical crystal land octopus is better looking than the Earth based one; Nancy Pelosi.
I started thinking of Biden as brain dead, and then I thought of him as the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz, and I lol’d. Then I started filling out the cast with other Obama hacks.
Dorothy – Obama, because he’s out of his element, head full of ideas of grandeur and completely clueless about how things work.
Tin Man – Harry Reid, because he’s so stiff
Cowardly Lion – Barney Frank, maybe Charlie Rangel
Toto – Rahm Immanuel, or Gibbs
Wicked Witch of the West – Hillary Clinton, Pelosi is too ugly
Flying Monkeys – Olberman and Matthews and the rest of the Liberal media
Munchkins – The liberals beloved minorities, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton with leading roles
Dead witch under Dorothy’s house – The liberal media’s untruthful portrayal of Bush
The Wizard – George Soros
I think for next year’s state of the union address, obuma should follow American League rules and put Biden in as his Designated $hitter. Should be interesting.
That means Biden is a Zombie! Fitting.
where are the jobs???? I was let go do to new management wanting to hire their own unemployed person not for job performance. I now am unemployed and making 250 a week and there are NO jobs out there and when there is everyone is applying to them so your chances of being seen are few and far between. Plus on top of this I am in my mid 50’s and no one will take me seriously thinking I will only work for a few more years and then retire. I am screwed
First of all, when Biden said this, I said to myself, “Self, this is not a good analogy. The last time an NFL player successfully hit a drop kick was when Flutie did it in ’06. Before that, it hadn’t been done successfully since 1941.”
Second, it’s a little known fact that Obama fooled Biden into hiding some many months ago. Have you seen him lately? Obama said to Uncle Joe, “Joe, we’re under attack. I can’t lock you up in the basement at your Vice President house because you already told about that. I’m sending you to a secret desert base called ECOMCOM. I’ll call ali ali ump ump free when it’s safe.”
So, Uncle Joe’s off somewhere yabbering about a talking octopus. In his more lucid moments, he blathers about how 7-11’s owned by Indian Americans are the engine of future economic growth. But sadly, there’s no one there to hear him.
Pelosi is actually a unipus, just a very large one.
I think the goverment should ban the word “literally”.
* “This stimulus is going to literally — literally, I say — put us on unicorns who will fly us into space to a magical kingdom made entirely out of crystal ruled by a land octopus who talks.” *
This isn’t Biden, this was one of “That One’s” campaign promises.
*Unicorns who will fly us into space”…Funny, I still haven’t received mine, but this must be the reason for defunding NASA. We no longer need rockets, when Unicorns will get us there more effectively. After all, NASA has much more important things to do, like educating us on the contributions of mooselimbs to mathematics and space travel.
“…the land of crystal…” I still haven’t figured out if this is part of the messiah’s energy policy, or if he was talking about what he snorts.
“…ruled by a land octopus who talks.” Elementary, my dear Watson…this is George Sorros.
@ #3, Coldguy:
No, Pelosi already has a very fitting starring role as a cenobite in a new Hellraiser movie. She doesn’t even need makeup!
I would appreciate it if the phrase “let me be clear” were never uttered again. “Literally” I can live with.
Coldguy – I think I love you.
@Marko: Perhaps it would be wise to tell Biden, and many. many other people:
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
“Joe Biden said that the stimulus would create 3.5 million job.”
To be fair, he didn’t specify where or when.
They should replace the entire pmsnbc evening line up with “Chats with Joe”. It would be awesome, and make more sense than the current offering.
My head literally explodes whenever I see Obama on television. I literally puke up my guts when I see Pelosi. I literally cannot stand it when people misuse the word literally – in fact, I literally stab myself in the ear with a shrimp fork every time it happens.
Literally.
Biden is the Christmas present that just keeps on giving. Over and over again, day in and day out, the mouth that would be king continues to provide conservative with real life lessons on how out of touch and how immature, ungrateful, unrepentantly socialist Liberals are . Biden is the poster child for the dumbing down of education.
Impromptu Biden? For an entire hour…
BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!
Now THAT is Must-see TV, kids!
In other news, unemployment UNEXPECTEDLY remained at a stagnant 9.6 %, and that’s the good news, literally.
Obama choosing Biden is like the insecure cute girl walking around with dumpy-looking friends. The man is terribly insecure.
In fairness to Joe, most of those people were hired by the local bar he hangs out in all the time that’s been closed for 12 years.
Biden is either Brain Dead or has Bi-Polar. Anyone who would believe anything that came out of his mouth would have to be a liberal!