Stomp! Stomp!

I have heard that Rand Paul supporters are now going around stomping on people’s heads like some sorts of vigilante Super Marios. Many liberals are now worried that if Republicans take over, they will stomp on all liberals’ heads.

This worry is justified.

What are the three things conservatives want most right now? Two are reducing taxes and reducing spending, but the number one thing conservatives desire is stomping on the heads of liberals. The reason for this is that liberals make a funny sound when you stomp on their heads. Also, it is unknown if liberals’ heads serve any other purpose than stomping.

Some would say that it is always wrong to stomp on people’s heads. This is an intolerant, closed-minded position. It is also the sort of hippie talk that gets your head stomped.

Still, it is a probably a good idea to refrain from head stomping before the election. For some reason, independents find head stomping to be “extreme”. But after the election, Republicans will reveal their nothing-but-head-stomping agenda — a bold plan to see no liberal head go un-stomped. That’s why you might have noticed that the current RNC slogan is “Stomp! Stomp! Stomp! Hee hee hee!” But don’t tell liberals that or they’ll panic. We can’t have liberals panicking, because then they move around a lot and it makes it hard to stomp on their heads.

23 Comments

  1. Do liberal heads make a squeek squeek sound like a squeze toy when you stomp on them?

    Skimming teh cables last night I passed the stompee on Olberpuke. No bruises, no marks, the Madcow clone was smiling away like nothing happenned. If your going to do some stopmping, stomp ’em good.

    Well, Obama DID say to put boot to neck.

  2. “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.” Now that’s the type of leadership we are looking for from the Tea Party reps we are sending to D.C.!

  3. A question for the ages:

    Is it better to punch a hippie, or to stomp the head of a liberal?

    Something for all conservatives to aspire to: To be coordinated enough to be able to do both, at the same time!

  4. Ron Paul, Rand Paul, Ru Paul ! Elect all Pauls!

    … one day when they can implant chips in your head and raise everyones IQ level to that of libertarians you Frank will finally prefer Ron Paul. Until then…well….I just feel sorry for you.

  5. Stop it Stop it! There’ll be no more stomping about here. I say, “Stomp Out All Stomping”. Including my cry for stomping out stompings. So forget that I even said anything at all. Oh yeah, Great job Frank J.! Stomp on.

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