For the previous riddle, slarrow wins the HIGH PRAISE. Now for this week’s riddle:

What you tried to give me,
I quickly sent away.
Yet you tried again to force it on me,
Leaving it at my destination.
Thousands want it, though;
If only I could get it to them and be done with it.

Be the first to tell me what “it” is in the comments, and you will win…

HIGH PRAISE!

So tell me, have the riddles helped make you guys smarter? Or have they actually made you dumber? I already know about ussjimmycarter.

Katie Couric reminded us why we’re happy to now be done with network news. In an interview with Howard Kurtz, she said she is touring “this great unwashed middle of the country” to learn about the mood at the midterms. She was then caught off guard when people found this insulting because, you know, she’s so smart.

It wasn’t that long ago we had pretty much had no option for news other than one of these out of touch idiots who read news off a teleprompter and get in their head they’re smarter than everybody. Luckily, we now have more TV options, and better yet, the internet. On the internet, pretty much everyone is upfront about their biases, which for some reason old media liberals resist more than anything. Like you know coming in I’m a conservative, so you can factor in that if a conservative does something bad, I’ll play it down (“Yay head stomping!”), and if a liberal does something good, I’ll engage bearded Spock in hand to hand combat in this alternate universe I’m now stuck in. Also, with the internet, people can be journalists in their spare time, which makes it a lot more likely for conservatives to participate.

This is obviously much better than the former status quo of someone like Couric, who is happily ignorant of most of the country, picking out what she thinks we should know about. The internet has proven what we want to know about, and it’s kittens doing cute things on YouTube.

I have heard that Rand Paul supporters are now going around stomping on people’s heads like some sorts of vigilante Super Marios. Many liberals are now worried that if Republicans take over, they will stomp on all liberals’ heads.

This worry is justified.

What are the three things conservatives want most right now? Two are reducing taxes and reducing spending, but the number one thing conservatives desire is stomping on the heads of liberals. The reason for this is that liberals make a funny sound when you stomp on their heads. Also, it is unknown if liberals’ heads serve any other purpose than stomping.

Some would say that it is always wrong to stomp on people’s heads. This is an intolerant, closed-minded position. It is also the sort of hippie talk that gets your head stomped.

Still, it is a probably a good idea to refrain from head stomping before the election. For some reason, independents find head stomping to be “extreme”. But after the election, Republicans will reveal their nothing-but-head-stomping agenda — a bold plan to see no liberal head go un-stomped. That’s why you might have noticed that the current RNC slogan is “Stomp! Stomp! Stomp! Hee hee hee!” But don’t tell liberals that or they’ll panic. We can’t have liberals panicking, because then they move around a lot and it makes it hard to stomp on their heads.