It still looks like no one is willing to make the cuts we need in the federal budget for fear of reprisal, so I’ll keep trying to come up with a new solution by thinking outside the box. Here’s my latest idea: We invent a supervillian to cut the budget for us.
“Oh no! The Crazed Balancer has taken over the Capitol and is slashing the budget! We need to stop him!”
And we’ll shine the bat signal in the air, but only Aquaman shows up, so we’ll be like, “Oh, guess there’s no stopping him. We’ll just have to live with his cuts — including those to entitlements. Curse you, Crazed Balancer! You won’t get away with these harsh cuts! We’ll hunt him down across the globe and… Oh wait; that’s not in the budget.”
And then the budget is cut and everyone will just be mad at the supervillian. Just hopefully from his size no one figures out he’s Chris Christie.
But what if Batman shows up instead of Aquaman?
How do you know batman isn’t actually the crazed balancer?
The Crazed BalancerAquaman took the light bulb from the Bat Signal.I say we just put the budget in a room with a bunch of drunken Mexicans with razor blades. By the time they’re done with it, the budget will be cut so bad, it’ll be perfectly acceptable to conservatives.
I say we increase federal spending on medical research and award a prize to the first laboratory that can clone Chris Christie 49 times. New Jersey should not have all the fun.
Balance and Chris Christie don’t go together, do they, Frank?
Nay, the supervillain we need is the Mouth of the South, the man from Copperhead Road, the Moonshine Man, the Tennessee Terror. Yes, I speak of Fred Thompson’s evil alter ego: Ted Frompson.
Christie can be Ted’s incompetent, fat, but loveable sidekick.
So, your plan is to put a person that’s easy to hate in position to make the changes for you, absorb all of the hatred and deflect any blame from you while doing your bidding. You mean like when George Soros found a stupid kid from Kenya who’s name contained both Sadaam Hussein and Osama Bin Ladin and helped him become president of the US?
The Crazed Balancer? What kind of a wussy name is that for a supervillian? Sounds like a carnival act. “See The Crazed Balancer juggle four porcupines with his bare hands!”
My idea of a name for a budget cutting supervillian is something like Leave Just A Bloody Stumpman or The Cutter To The Bone Thing or The Meat Cleaver or The Axe Of Bloated Budget Death. Something that makes me believe some real budget cutting could happen.
How’s about instead of the Tax Man, we have the Axe Man? He cuts everything he sees in half!
The Axeman: “Put that on the table!”
Senator: “Ah, OK. Please don’t hurt me, Axeman.”
The Axeman: *Whack*
And a new TV show called “Leave It To Cleaver” is born. It’s about this crazed guy who lives in the Capitol basement and comes up everyday to hack away on everything. Wait! It’s… It’s… It’s… Frank!!
Alright, I’ll vote for the Ted Frompson idea.
I hear Paul Ryan is the victim of a gamma ray experiment gone horribly wrong. Have you ever heard him say, “Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”
*Gasp!*
Frank, the end of your post revealed the Crazed Balancer’s secret identity! What if he comes after you now !?
Steve said: “Aquaman took the light bulb from the Bat Signal.” Actually, it was the Green Czar, mandating that the high-intensity halogen bulb be replaced with an energy efficient fluorescent swirly bulb that cast a dim glow for about a foot and a half before giving out. Batman, whose eyesight has been severely affected by trying to read Bruce Wayne’s bank statements in the semi-dark, never saw the signal. Inevitable, really.
Chris Christie?!
No wonder they are called ‘tights’.
Burmashave, I’d like to see Ryan get angry.
When the spending goes up 25% in 2 years and the GOP can barely think of things to cut,
I’m turning green.
Danny Trejo as Machette would be a perfect! AquaMan would wet himself with one look at Machette and would put the acceptably green swirly white bulb back in the machine where it would shine the image of a machette into the sky!
Ron Paul is The Crazed Balancer. Has been for years.
In this day and age of uncontrolled government spending I’d settle for any kind of balancer, crazed, sane, or whatever.
This is a job for Axe Cop!
http://www.topatoco.com/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TO&Product_Code=AXE-CHOP-POSTER&Category_Code=AXE