Obama Starts His 2012 Campaign

Obama has just released his first campaign ad. It’s kind of a tricky thing. I mean, he did run for president with no record to point to, but it’s even odder to run for reelection without any good things he can say he did. America is starting to look like Mordor after Sauron was done with it, so now he especially doesn’t want to run on his record. Still, he can’t repeat his previous campaign; “Yes We Can!” seems like a hollow mockery at this point. I guess his campaign will get better when he has an opponent to trash to take the focus off his own record, but he better hope that opponent eats babies to make him look good in comparison.

Still, I thought we’d work on coming up with a killer slogan for Obama. Seems like a good challenge.

OBAMA 2012 SLOGANS

Name one thing I did wrong.

You reelected Bush and I (eventually) did pretty much the same as him.

Me smirt! Me did good!

Aren’t you just a little curious to see what happens if we keep piling on the debt?

Scientists estimate there are four or five people in America who would do a worse job than me. Can you risk accidentally electing one of them?

Please! I’m grossly unqualified for any other job!

You can’t say you didn’t like anything that happened during my presidency. Didn’t you like Inception?

I thought this was a made up job like “Community Organizer”. Oops.

It wasn’t my fault that the unicorns I promised you all died of carbon monoxide poisoning. I thought the place we were keeping them was well-ventilated.

People say I’m improving. Mainly they’re referring to my golf game, but it’s true.

Know what racists would do? Not reelect a black president.

You’ve seen how horrible it is out there! Please don’t make me unemployed in this economy!

I’m a clock flashing 12:00 and it’s about to be midnight.

You have to give me a chance to fix what I did.

It’s not my fault! I’m just so sleepy! This noisy phone keeps ringing a 3 AM and it’s so hard to ignore and go back to sleep.

Everyone at Whole Foods says I’m doing awesome.

You can’t fire someone from his job and complain about unemployment.

If you think of it less as a presidency and more of performance art, it’s rather interesting.

Campaigning is fun. Wish I could just do that.

Man, I did so much coke! So what happened these last couple years?

40 Comments

  1. A federal shutdown would be significant if the federal employees weren’t paid for their time off when they come back to work. It just means we are not paying then…now. They can go home, relax and we’ll pay them for all that nothing when they get back to the office.

  2. Aren’t you just a little curious to see what happens if we keep piling on the debt? Why yes I am as a matter of fact! So I’m voting for Obama in 2012 just to see if we can become the first country in the history of the world to tax, spend, and borrow it’s way to prosperity. Don’t you want our nation to be in the Guinness Book of Records too?

  3. re-elect me, I am not carter, really! And I make willy look like a decent guy.

    Boy its hard to make fun of such a disgrace. The disgrace supports mass murder, mass suicide, and has the brain of a slug.
    His weakness and inability to be an American makes me hope he goes the way of the kennedys. I have never had such disrespect for a being until he and holder came along. There is no redeeming value to this disgrace and very little to be humorous about. Now Sasquatch on the other hand….

  4. France likes me…er, no, wait a minute…Germany…um…. Vote for me because Canada thinks I’m A-OK.

    I kept my promise to make Muslims feel proud of their achievements in rocketry.

    Anyone who doesn’t vote for me is acting stupidly.

    Have you seen Michelle when she’s angry?

  5. Vote for me, I still haven’t found an ass to kick and I need at least 4 more years!
    Have a heart, I’ll have to stay home all day with Michelle!
    Vote for me, Yea more vacations!
    Vote for me, and the sea shall continue to stop rising…although I can’t help with the radioactive thingy…
    Vote for me and I will let Biden sit at the big table for the next four years!
    Vote for me and I shall cast Hillary into the eternal darkness of agony and…umm…I wish Hillary Clinton the best in all her pursuits.
    Vote for me and my white half will run the country this time!

  6. * My first term wasn’t that bad was it? It was? WAAAACIST!
    * Soooo, how did you like the change? You didn’t? WAAAACIST!
    * Well, at least I wasn’t as bad as Bush. You miss him? WAAAACIST!
    * Michelle is such a snappy dresser, isn’t she? You don’t think so? WAAAACIST!
    * I’m the best President of the last 50 years. You say BULLS**T? WAAAACIST!
    * What, you don’t think I should burden your children with my debt? WAAAACIST!

  7. I don’t see how Obama has any chance of re-election unless he reverses Executive Order 13489 (signed the day after he took office), which effectively seals all his pre-presidential records. We’re talking about someone who had no public record prior to 2004 and who has reneged on all his campaign promises. Unlike the fawning and obsequious New York Times and Washington Post, Fox News will make mince meat out of him. I blog about this at “The President with No Past” at http://www.stuartbramhall.com.

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