Obama has just released his first campaign ad. It’s kind of a tricky thing. I mean, he did run for president with no record to point to, but it’s even odder to run for reelection without any good things he can say he did. America is starting to look like Mordor after Sauron was done with it, so now he especially doesn’t want to run on his record. Still, he can’t repeat his previous campaign; “Yes We Can!” seems like a hollow mockery at this point. I guess his campaign will get better when he has an opponent to trash to take the focus off his own record, but he better hope that opponent eats babies to make him look good in comparison.
Still, I thought we’d work on coming up with a killer slogan for Obama. Seems like a good challenge.
OBAMA 2012 SLOGANS
Name one thing I did wrong.
You reelected Bush and I (eventually) did pretty much the same as him.
Me smirt! Me did good!
Aren’t you just a little curious to see what happens if we keep piling on the debt?
Scientists estimate there are four or five people in America who would do a worse job than me. Can you risk accidentally electing one of them?
Please! I’m grossly unqualified for any other job!
You can’t say you didn’t like anything that happened during my presidency. Didn’t you like Inception?
I thought this was a made up job like “Community Organizer”. Oops.
It wasn’t my fault that the unicorns I promised you all died of carbon monoxide poisoning. I thought the place we were keeping them was well-ventilated.
People say I’m improving. Mainly they’re referring to my golf game, but it’s true.
Know what racists would do? Not reelect a black president.
You’ve seen how horrible it is out there! Please don’t make me unemployed in this economy!
I’m a clock flashing 12:00 and it’s about to be midnight.
You have to give me a chance to fix what I did.
It’s not my fault! I’m just so sleepy! This noisy phone keeps ringing a 3 AM and it’s so hard to ignore and go back to sleep.
Everyone at Whole Foods says I’m doing awesome.
You can’t fire someone from his job and complain about unemployment.
If you think of it less as a presidency and more of performance art, it’s rather interesting.
Campaigning is fun. Wish I could just do that.
Man, I did so much coke! So what happened these last couple years?
* I’ll tax the rich and give you all their money!
It looks like he is going to get the federal government shut down this week. Gotta give him some respect for that one.
A federal shutdown would be significant if the federal employees weren’t paid for their time off when they come back to work. It just means we are not paying then…now. They can go home, relax and we’ll pay them for all that nothing when they get back to the office.
“You elected me for the wrong reason, and guess what? Still Black”
“I just figured out which ones are windows and which ones are doors.”
* Do you REALLY want Michelle roaming the streets unsupervised?
* Vote for me because getting mail forwarded to a new address is such a pain!
* BUSH! WAR FOR OIL! HALIBURTON! RACIST! TEABAGGERS! KAPLAH! CHANGE! FALSE CHOICE!
* Vote for me because…SQUIRREL!
Maybe he’s planning on shouting “Sarah Palin 2012!” in a crowded town hall and running away in the ensuing mayhem. 😉
“Obama – because there are still a few places left that look like America”
Aren’t you just a little curious to see what happens if we keep piling on the debt? Why yes I am as a matter of fact! So I’m voting for Obama in 2012 just to see if we can become the first country in the history of the world to tax, spend, and borrow it’s way to prosperity. Don’t you want our nation to be in the Guinness Book of Records too?
Vote for me because I haven’t quite squashed the American dream all the way out yet.
“Obama – doing the work Americans won’t do”
re-elect me, I am not carter, really! And I make willy look like a decent guy.
Boy its hard to make fun of such a disgrace. The disgrace supports mass murder, mass suicide, and has the brain of a slug.
His weakness and inability to be an American makes me hope he goes the way of the kennedys. I have never had such disrespect for a being until he and holder came along. There is no redeeming value to this disgrace and very little to be humorous about. Now Sasquatch on the other hand….
“Vote for me and you’ll never have to vote again!”
* Vote for me…2.1 million SEIU members can’t be wrong!
*Vote for me. I found the White House back door key.
*Obama-Biden 2012:WTF!?!
France likes me…er, no, wait a minute…Germany…um…. Vote for me because Canada thinks I’m A-OK.
I kept my promise to make Muslims feel proud of their achievements in rocketry.
Anyone who doesn’t vote for me is acting stupidly.
Have you seen Michelle when she’s angry?
“I can’t wait to win again so I can brag to my European friends about how dumb you dumb Americans really are!”
“America, why don’t you pass the time by playing a little solitaire?”
Vote for me, I still haven’t found an ass to kick and I need at least 4 more years!
Have a heart, I’ll have to stay home all day with Michelle!
Vote for me, Yea more vacations!
Vote for me, and the sea shall continue to stop rising…although I can’t help with the radioactive thingy…
Vote for me and I will let Biden sit at the big table for the next four years!
Vote for me and I shall cast Hillary into the eternal darkness of agony and…umm…I wish Hillary Clinton the best in all her pursuits.
Vote for me and my white half will run the country this time!
O-BOMB-AH! Three wars saved or created.
Hope for Change?
I know better than you.
Let me explain it to you.
Here’s your chance to see Carter part 3
Birth certificate?! we don’t need no stinking birth certificate!
“Obama 2012 – because we’re WINNING!!”
“As God is my witness, I thought this turkey could fly.”
* My first term wasn’t that bad was it? It was? WAAAACIST!
* Soooo, how did you like the change? You didn’t? WAAAACIST!
* Well, at least I wasn’t as bad as Bush. You miss him? WAAAACIST!
* Michelle is such a snappy dresser, isn’t she? You don’t think so? WAAAACIST!
* I’m the best President of the last 50 years. You say BULLS**T? WAAAACIST!
* What, you don’t think I should burden your children with my debt? WAAAACIST!
Re-elect me, because I want to see just how gullible you really are and how far I can ride that “Blame Bush” train.
This time there will be a Black Panther in EVERY voting booth!
Four More Years, of no post-presidency memoirs!!!
Vote for me…and I will write another book about me me me!
Killer Slogan For O-bah-muhh: Gonna Get Me A Shotgun And Kill All The Whiteys I See…..In 2012.
Killer Slogan For O-bah-muhh: Black Panthers Say ‘Vote O-bah-muhh In 2012 Or We’ll Kill You’
Killer Slogan For O-bah-muhh: Akmed The Dead Terrorist Says ‘Vote For O-bah-muhh In 2012 Or ‘I Keel You!’
Hope and Change – And This Time, We Mean It.
“Obama/Biden 2012…no, seriously.”
“Barack Obama 2012…present”
“Who do you want on vacation when the 3AM phone call comes?”
“In your heart, you know I’m LEFT with debt.”
I don’t see how Obama has any chance of re-election unless he reverses Executive Order 13489 (signed the day after he took office), which effectively seals all his pre-presidential records. We’re talking about someone who had no public record prior to 2004 and who has reneged on all his campaign promises. Unlike the fawning and obsequious New York Times and Washington Post, Fox News will make mince meat out of him. I blog about this at “The President with No Past” at http://www.stuartbramhall.com.