Other Mysteries About Obama

Now that the long form birth certificate about Obama has been released, that solves one mystery about Obama. But there are still many unanswered questions about him.

OTHER MYSTERIES ABOUT OBAMA

* Who is that little man who follows Obama everywhere and never says anything?

* What was Obama doing when no one could find him for six days in January, and why did he come back bald?

* Why does he every so often stare silently into the camera and mouth the word “retinaculum”.

* Why will he never look children in the eye.

* Why has he given explicit instructions to his staff to never say his name backwards?

* Why is it extremely rare to see a photograph of him without a duck in the background?

* Why the extreme fear of carpets?

* Why does he sometimes accidentally refer to himself as Lithgow?

* Why will he never go near water?

* Why for the longest time did he always wear a pin depicting an egret?

* Why does he always blink at extremely irregular intervals for one minute and not blink at all the next?

* Why is his left hand always gloved?

* Why does he always seems so confused or even alarmed by laughter?

* Why does he quickly leave the room any time the royal wedding is mentioned?

He’s a pretty mysterious guy. Probably the simplest explanation for all this, though, is that he’s secretly Muslim.

18 Comments

  1. “* Who is that little man who follows Obama everywhere and never says anything?”

    Her name is Malia. You can expect her to be busy attempting to destroy whatever is left of this country in about 20 years.

  2. * Why is he always playing solitaire with a disturbed Korean War veteran?
    * Why is he always trying to arrange an impromptu lunch in a restaurant with Al Pacino?
    * Why the obsession with gold?
    * Why did he order the extermination of all bats?
    * Why does he yell out in his sleep, “One job lost – namely, mine – is a tragedy! One billion jobs lost is a statistic!”?
    * Why did he change his name from Jarvis Tyner to Barack Obama?

  3. “Why has he given explicit instructions to his staff to never say his name backwards?”

    Lets see

    Amabo Niessuh Kcarab

    Oh my god! It’s coming through the walls. It’s ghweqd jhae rgw45y ah……..

  4. * Why does he seem to disappear when there is a full moon?
    * Why is there a complete set of woman’s clothing at the bottom of his sock drawer?
    * Why did he have three 6’s tattoo’d on his butt?
    * Why does a crucifix cause him to hide behind his hands and hiss?

    And the most mysterious thing about Obama….

    Why in the h*ll do liberals think he’s so frakin’ smart?

  5. Why is he always scratching himself there?
    Why is he always trailed by a Wookie?
    Why are the secret service always out having a smoke?
    Why does he dribble constantly?
    Why does he make jojo biden where that collar?

  6. The little man who follows O-bah-muhh around, and never says anything is Obot, and he runs Bartertown for George Soros.

    O-bah-muhh was missing for six days when he was abducted by aliens, and they implanted an Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator in his head. Obot has the detonator.

    Retinaculum is the name he has chosen for when he becomes Emperor of the World.

    The innocent gaze of children will melt him into a puddle of water.

    He owes Mr. Pxyzptlk money back in the 5th Dimension.

    He has a contractual obligation with Aflac.

    The extreme fear of carpets is due to his belief that someone will say, “Sim sim salabim!”, and the carpet will attack him, roll him up, and fly him to Saudi Arabia.

    Lithgow is his Irish name, meaning, ‘destoyer’.

    His black half can’t swim.

    The egret pin was given to him by his mother, because she r’egret’ted ever having him. When he found that out, he took it off, and gave it to Michelle (Because he r’egret’ted ever marrying her).

    The eyeblinking habits of the Lizard People From Planet X are quite an intricate form of communication.

    His left hand is always gloved to remind him which hand to wipe his butt with.

    The Lizard People Of Planet X had never encountered laughter until they started colonization of Earth.

    O-bah-muhh is afraid of the coming Royal Wedding between The Lamb upon His throne, and the Bride who has made herself ready.

    I hope these answers have been useful..

  7. Why his bike helmet started out two sizes too small and wound up two sizes too large.

    Why he thinks of Biden as his not-so-athletic supporter.

    Why he won’t be photographed with Hillary and a mirror simultaneously.

    Why he stares at other women’s butts when Michelle is around.

    Why he never had a real job.

  8. * Why does he every so often stare silently into the camera and mouth the word “retinaculum”.

    He has been paid by the drug companies to do this. The sales of the drugs to combat carpal tunnel go up each time he is on TV.

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