So SETI, the search for extraterrestrial intelligence, is shutting down due to lack of funding. Seems about time. I mean, how many years and millions of dollars can you spend finding nothing before you say that maybe it’s a waste of time. You can easily find no alien radio signals all day long for way less money than it costs to run a giant array of satellites — in fact, I’m doing just that right now. Actually, if you want, I can be SETI, and I’ll do it for way cheaper — just $300,000 a year. For that, you get an official report every month about how I didn’t find any alien signals. Then, if people are asking if we’ve detected alien intelligence, you can just say, “Frank J. hasn’t heard anything.” Deal?
Now I won’t know what to do with all those extra CPU cycles. Mebbe I should write a nice simple loop to keep ’em busy while I’m away.
All they have to do is just go down to the Arizona border. There are thousand of aliens running around…oh wait, they were looking for intelligent life forms…never mind.
I’ll do it for $200,000…no wait…we are talking about the Government here. I’ll do it for $400,000! That bid should be the winner!
As long as I can just change the date on the report and use the same one each month, I’ll do it for $100 a month + free internet access.
Just think about that: less than 2 grand a year to pay for government supported search for space aliens! Hmm, that seems too low for a government project – I’d better revise my quote upwards.
This is JUST what They are waiting for.
SETI was cancelled because the search is over. The evidence was publicly displayed yesterday morning. Reference earlier threads on this site on the subject. The planet is called “Hawaii”.
ussjimmycarter, you are doing it wrong. My bid will be $450,000 a year, but my company will be set up in the name of a female friend I have, who also happens to be a minority. I’ll do all the official reports, her name will be on the mast of the company, and we will split the money fifty-fifty.
Again Storm, the search was for intelligent life. They found Hawaii early and moved on.
I want to bid a quarter on one of the telescopes. I just got a new neighbor.
Oooooh, Son of Bob, way to post a hate crime.
Frank J. is not qualified to do the job unless he surfs internet porn for at least 8 hours a day, just like the SEC “investigators” did. Since Buttercup looks on while daddy does his computering, I’d say the contract will have to go to Mr. M’s minority front-company, unless his female friend is not trans-gendered, in which case he is a hate-monger and we will continue the search for a trans-gendered “female” minority handicapable Wiccan to serve as the figurehead of the SETI organization. I personally will fail to find such an individual for $500,000 per year, plus “porn” (which for me consists of right-wing blogs and military websites). (And trailers for the “Thor” movie.)
Mr M, My Company is also Female owned but the female is formerly a male who is now having a lesbian relationship with a woman! I’m bidding $500,000!
Why do we have to do the looking? If these aliens are so advanced like in the movies how come they haven’t found us? And if they aren’t so advanced why do we want to associate with a bunch of backward hillbilly aliens?
And what if they don’t want to be found? Maybe they just want to be left alone. But no – we have to come around like some intergalactic Gladys Kravitz “Yoo hoo – anybody home?” when they are just trying to enjoy a Saturday afternoon watching a western movie or something.
“Criminey, it’s the stupid earthlings again. Maybe if I pretend I’m taking a nap they’ll just go away.”
ussjimmycarter:
I’m going to tell them that I am a lesbian trapped in a man’s body. That ought to qualify me … and I won’t have to split the money with anyone.
USSJC wrote “Mr M, My Company is also Female owned but the female is formerly a male who is now having a lesbian relationship with a woman!”
My Abnormal Psychology professer was a state expert witness in the custody trial for a man who had become a woman and was living in a (for lack of a better word) lesbian relationship with another woman who was also formerly a man. It thought it should get full custody of its 12yr old daughter because the former wife (from when it was a man who liked women, rather than a woman that likes women) was morally suspect because she re-married.
Fox Mulder smells a Gov’t cover-up.
Aren’t Leftards’ Tinfoil Hats much better receivers of alien transmission signals?
SETI is shutting down because aliens have successfully embedded a warped tweet into the brains of the current president. When the birth certificate was exhibited yesterday the White House finalized the legitimacy of our current potus so he can slowly tweeter the country to twits and the twitted. In other words, we have been settied by warped twitties.
The CIA is shutting down SETI because they got too close to finding out the truth.
Personally I am part of the milky way project. Sorry to see SETI end but there are more important projects to focus on.
Folding@home is the now most popular of course and probably the most beneficial.
http://folding.stanford.edu/
Get a nvidia 550-560 way much cheaper and faster then even 6 core cpus for folding.
SETI has been receiving alien communications for years in a mysterious language they call “Ehs Panjol” as well as low-frequency transmissions from the region near Uranus.
forget finding intelligent life I think I found several canidates for the mayors of Sodom and Gomorrah. When you guys burst into flames NONE of the rest of you look at them or else you be toast I mean salt.
“The CIA is shutting down SETI because they got too close to finding out the truth…”
…that there is no intelligent life here.
@DamnCat: Shout-out to Gladys Kravitz! “Abner! AB-NER!! There’s an alien interfering with our radio reception!” “Mind your own business, Gladys.”
Those alien ingrates just renounce their American citizenship anyway. The heck with them.
Space is incredibly huge, and except for here (so far),
very hostile to life.
You can play the “out of billions and billions, there must be…”
game, but the same kind of odds would predict a 747 ,
or at least a new Geo Metro left in the wake of a tornado –
assuming billions and billions of them.
Sorry.
Well yeah, ussjimmycarter…We have one of those on our board of directors, and we also have a handicapped Eskimo who is also an ex-convict, and a member of narcotics anonymous.
We will also be raising our bid to $700,000.
“The CIA is shutting down SETI because they got too close to finding out the truth…”
“…that there is no intelligent life here.”
Naw… it’s just that the aliens learned about our plans to nuke the moon and have decided it’s best to steer well clear of this planetary insane assylum. We’re never gonna hear from them. :p
Maybe the aliens filed a restraining order against SETI for trying to listen in on their private conversations for all these years?
Uranus jokes are limited to Barney Frank…sorry!
I’m an editor for an Electrical Engineering mag, and got the following letter one day: http://jason-lomberg.smugmug.com/Other/Random/16014610_eFWKZ#1270045280_G2fp5Xs
Our site got the SETI story through the AP wire, and I’m running it in an attempt to draw the above individual out of hiding 🙂
Interesting, Jason, I read your ECNMAG website quite often. Good stuff.
@Jimmy
A while back, I wrote a half-serious blog post about the Brits declassifying the files on the Rendlesham Forest Incident (which is like the British Roswell, I suppose). I took the occassion to mock the individual who sent me the letter 🙂
Sadly, his comment was lost in our new site transition, but I remember him saying something like “I put trust in you and you betrayed me. You’re an awful man.”
http://ecnmag.com/Blogs/ECN-Blog/The-Tin-Foil-Hat-Brigade-Strikes-Again/
20. Jimmy:
I recall an episode of “Outer Limits” where aliens had come to earth in their search for intelligent life.
And abandoned the search for the same reason…
@ss396 – Remember that episode (Twilight Zone or Outer Limits, can’t remember), where the aliens come down in big spheres and address the UN and give us a year to “clean up our act” (showing despicable pictures of our “warfare”). Fearing annihilation when they return, all nations on Earth declare peace and all wars are ended. When the aliens return, they’re amazed. “I’m afraid you misjudged us. We wanted you to FIGHT for us!” Upon seeing the pitiful state of “peace” on the whole planet, they aliens made good on their promise and destroyed the Earth.