Now that Frank J. has retired from blogging, he has all this free time on his hands.
He could be a full-time dad … Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Frank a full-time dad. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh. Yeah. Heh.
Raising a kid? That’s what Frank has SarahK for. Cooking, cleaning, having the occasional baby. Frank does his part: eating the food, creating a mess for her to clean, help make the baby. The important stuff.
Really, though, Frank needs something to do now that he’s quit blogging. This blog has consumed lots of his time. And he’s given his dedicated readers (I’ve been one for weeks years) lots of enjoyment. Eating, messing up the house, and the other stuff don’t take as long as they used to (do they, Frank?), so he still has all this time.
I have some suggestions.
- Run for president. Sure, I’m already running, but Frank could run, too. He won’t win. If he comes close in the polls, I’ll distract him with something shiny.
- Host a reality show. Maybe, Who Wants To Be A Blogger? Or he could have a contest between Democrats. Of course, the name The Biggest Loser is already taken. But we’re just looking for ideas now. The details will come later.
- Obtain nuclear material and rockets, and nuke the moon himself. This may seem impossible, but if North Korea and Iran can obtain nuclear materials, then Frank can. And rockets? How hard could building one of those be? It’s not rock science.
- Tour. Frank could take his band on the road. Play a few small venues. Conclude the tour with some stadium shows. And release a live album, Frank J. at Budokan.
- Start a band. In fact, he may want to do this one before he does the previous one.
What else could Frank J. do to occupy his time, now that he’s retired from blogging?
I know this may seem obvious…and it would likely require clothing changes on a daily basis, thus creating more work for SarahK…but he could get a job?
Just keep blogging. I need something to do while I’m supposed to be working. And it’s certainly not Rock Science!
-Continue Blogging
-Invent a backpack rocket launcher capable of launching a rocket that will in fact nuke the moon
Also, since so many of us bought t-shirts, Frank really ought to spring for an IMAO meetup somewhere in the country
Conduct research to determine if, in fact, Debbie Wasserman Schultz is part fish. She sounds like one of the fish from “Pee Wee’s Playhouse”.
(In underwater voice) Haa Haa Haaaaa…
» Host a reality show called “Are you smarter than a Blogger?”
They already started THAT band. They were called The Village People.
Frank should crawl out from under his bed where he’s doing his John Boehner impression, weeping like a 4th grade school girl, grow a pair and start blogging again! That’s what Frank should do!
Carolyn, I like the meet up Idea! Everyone can come to Minneapolis. I’ll take you to a couple of bars where you will see things that will sear your brain for the rest of your lives! It will like rock! I can’t guarantee, however that Jimmy won’t get “passed around”…
He can sit on a rocker on the front porch and yell at those dang neighborhood kids that keep running on his lawn! Hoodlums!
ussjimmycarter: Way to get it started. Boehner, et al…hiding in their George Costanza desks when there is meaningful work to be done. Think partial privatization of Social Security. The crickets could be heard chirping while the Republicans could have been bettering our country. Although disagreeing with Democrats is easy and fun, I shamefully admit that I admire their moxie. Paraphrased quote from Nancy Pelosi: “I don’t care if it you want it! I don’t care if you need it! I don’t care if it destroys this country! We’re passing this healthcare bill!”
Since it is easier to obtain nuclear material than it is rocket material, and since Frnak will have all this time on his hands. He should build a ladder to the moon, where he can then set the nuke on the surface and obtain his goal.
Frnak is an “engineer”, therefore, he should spend his new found free time inventing testicles to clip on house and senate republicans. The dims have already found a way to get stupid people elected I.e. schumer, wasserman-schlitzzzz, weiner (heh, heh, weiner), piglousy, surely there is a way to create men out of boner, cantor, and mcconnell.
Frank could get a bullhorn and stand out in front of a kos convention and screech!
Testosterone Therapy for Republican “Leadership”…Hmmm? Man Up!!!!
Now that he has been a dad for a few minutes, I think Frank should start writing Children’s Books. If Tori Spelling can do it, Frank can do it. Think of all the opportunities for subliminal conservative messages….
This is a great idea. I’ll need 10% of all revenues generated from this idea.
Frank should form a Rock Science! Band.
Frank should run for office; Dogcatcher is a very important job. It’s not like he couldn’t get elected.
Attend one of Sarah K’s scrapbooking sessions. That should get him back to blogging, posthaste.
Get on to ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ (it’s not Rock Science!, I know), and bitchslap Donald Trump back to Queens.
Thunderdome against a chimpanzee.
If he can’t do ‘Frank J., Live At Budoken’, he should do ‘Frank J., Radioactive At Fukushima’.
Frank should literally focus on coming up with trite phrases for the President, and Vice President.
Top Ten Things I can Do Until Frank Returns:
Get Fred Thompson to punch anyone not reading or writing for IMAO.
Stop putting shirts in copy machine and buy a real Nuke the Moon tee shirt.
Warn @shelbyfero that Frank is the stalker, but is not a high risk one.
Imagine all the @shelbyfero Googleing traffic.
Snicker.
Learn to count to ten, but only to waste more peoples time.
*Use his engineering prowess to develop a highly efficient Soylent Green machine to begin processing all those Seniors and children Paul Ryan plans to murder.
*Fly to Hawaii and offer his sleuthing skills to teh Donald in the search for the ever elusive Certificus Birthus
Frnak J can go to Washington and teach checkbook management classes for the Congress. They need it, and damn near anyone could improve their skills.
Frnak J could be the new Sergeant at Arms for the Senate. He can carry a Buford Pusser stick and any time one of the Senators says something stupid, he can beat the crap out of them.
Let’s get practical, people. Frank’s an engineer (OK, computer electrical something) and creative humor writer and probably an embarrassingly old geek (he likes gaming). But people, he needs practical things to do. So we need to bear down on this. Seriously. (Hey! Get off my foot, dude…)
For starters, Frank could design a new T-shirt for the 2012 election. It could be titled “10 Reasons To Vote For / Against Obama (one shirt for each). Market the shirt directly to all the conservative blogs. $$$ raised goes towards his 2016 campaign for public office in Podunk, Idaho – or – to Buttercup’s college fund, whichever comes first (I hear she’s smarter than Frank!).
Then, since he’s so busy parenting and not blogging, he could write an occasional article about (you guessed it!) parenting from various perspectives: early childhood gun ownership preparation, teaching toddlers the proper way to punch hippies, how girls can beat-up bullies and still be pretty, etc. This could officially help keep IMAO open while Basil and Harvey make most of the money actually writing for it.
In his spare time, he could write an algorithm to comment on blogs and turn it loose on this one. I would require a copy, of course, because I’ll need to continue commenting here while out sailing away from our coming financial collapse. Don’t worry, I’ll secretly return to harvest my potatoes.
Oh, and take-up making beer, Frank.
Being an Engineer and Master of Science! Frank can invent atomic powered bionic gonads for the Republicans. A win-win for all. Fred Thompson and Chuck norris could be his advisors. Imagine the infomercials.
Or he could shill T-shirts.
He could quit working and play golf all the time like Obama.
@KnitterChick: Why just subliminal conservative messages in children’s books? One of my daughter’s favorites when she was just a wee thing was called, “Mom, Help, there’s a Liberal under my Bed!” It’s about kids who try to open a lemonade stand, only to find themselves regulated, politically corrected, nutritionally adjusted and taxed out of existence. Awesome book, I highly recommend it.
I just assumed he’d run for president. All the kids are doing it. And, democrats will hire you even if you have no actual accomplishments…in fact, they like you best if you’re in your 40’s and never actually had a real job.
Practical, huh, Jimmy?
Two words for Frank: Exotic dancer.
Marko – On the pole?
Yeah, practical, Marko. Frank must be a practical kind of guy, in a funny sort of way, of course. Practically. Literally practically practical.
If you say “practical” enough, it sounds Klingonese.
Oh and the 2012 T-shirt, Frank. Same list on BOTH sides of the shirt but one side “for Obama” and the other side “against Obama.” That would be clever.
Good stuff, Basil, you’re gonna make a great President.
“Start a band. In fact, he may want to do this one before he does the previous one.”
How about calling them The Moon Nukers? Lunar Mushroom Cloud? Radioactive Moon Men?
Hey Marko, did you order your Nuke The Moon shirt yet? C’mon man, it’s what we’ve waited not so patiently for.
Frank needs to direct his energies toward bringing down the exorbitant cost of making chicken syrup; that stuff is expensive!
@CrabbyOldBat – I totally just added that book to my Amazon Wish List!
All right, how about this – Frank should come up with a working Laser-Eyed Dinosaur. I mean, enough talk. We need action.
Sadly, Infidel, I can’t get one because Dad told me he was finished buying my novelty clothes. I’m too old for that, he says.
Shoot he could become my Associate Pastor of Things in General at my church and do all the stuff I don’t want to do. We pastors only work on Sundays so I think he could handle the workload.
Ohh, Frank, Frank – its time for change.. 🙂
Its not so easy to make chicken syrup… without chicken 🙂
Maybe you’re not trying hard enough, Josh…
Frank should contact National Review and offer to fill in for Rob Long on an as-needed basis on ‘The Long View’. He could then go on those cool NR cruises and wax poetic w/ the NR hipsters (http://www.nrcruise.com/speakers.htm).
That being done, Frank should then interview and showcase a few more bloggers for imao.us. That way, Frank could chime in whenever he wants, but still rake in serious t-shirt cash to fund Buttercup’s college fund, and satisfy our need for biting, conservative humor.
Let’s face it, once you’ve blogged full-time for long enough, the prospects (and attractiveness) of getting a ‘real’ job again is not good (and depressing).
VIVA FRANK!
Some of us have been urging Frank to do that since 2008, Guuggysdad. Maybe he will. We can only hope.