PYONGYANG (AP) – North Korea launched a long-range rocket on Friday, but it broke apart before escaping the earth’s atmosphere and fell into the sea. The Korean Central News Agency said that scientists, technicians and experts are looking into the specific cause of the failure, but preliminary reports indicate it likely stemmed from allowing Democrat strategist Hilary Rosen to take charge of the operation.
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Fearing negative publicity about the launch, the North Korean government had hired Rosen in the hopes that she could put a “friendlier face” on the event.
“We’re big fans of Ms. Rosen’s work,” said North Korean spokesman Ri Tong-il. “As head of the RIAA, she put a human face to the organization, associating it closely with grandmothers and small children who downloaded songs off the internet. The once-hated music consortium is now frequently referred to as ‘jack-booted thugs’, which – according to Google Translate – is a warm American term of endearment.”
However, the project soon ran into headwinds with Rosen at the helm.
“On day one,” explained Tong-il, “she fired nearly everyone working on the project. Said something about how North Korean scientists had ‘never worked a day in their lives’ and insisted that only women who divided their time between careers and raising children were qualified to work on the project. Naturally we pointed out that North Korean women aren’t allowed to learn rocket science, but she assured us that is was enough that they knew how to make choices in terms of how to feed their kids and send them to school.”
“In retrospect,” sighed Tong-il, “it probably should’ve been a red flag to us that she had all the rocket’s o-rings replaced with Fruit Roll-ups.”
Rosen later apologized for her role in facilitating the tragically ill-constructed space-vehicle’s untimely catastrophic failure, saying “this isn’t about whose rocket crashed where because of whom. This is about the waitress in a diner in some place in Pyongyang who’ll never get the chance to wire up fancy rockety doo-dads. I’m sorry if that offended you, but it’s time to focus on the real issues. Let’s put this faux rocket launch to rest once and for all.”
Who knew that it took 8 years of frantic R&D to develop the fruit rollup?
I’m a little surprised and a lot disappointed that Harry Reid hasn’t pre-emptively surrendered to women yet given his record on doing that sort of thing.
You go now — you eat too much!
I’m really disappointed. I was hoping for a Dong joke in there somewhere. Maybe something about having a bigger Dong than his father, but still unable to deploy it…Failing to reach altitude…something like that. I’ll leave it to the professionals.
I only wish we could see the reporting that went out to the North Korean citizens. I’m sure the official government report stated that the rocket was not only successful but was capable of reaching the moon. Kind of like MSNBC and CNN reporting on our economic recovery.
Now that North Korea hs failed at conquiring space this probably means that Obama can have
space all to himself. Like Medvedev said “Yeah, I understand. I understand your message about
space. Space for you…”
As failure is such a career enhancer with libs, Ms Rosen will not go away any time soon. Probably score a big book deal for her autobiography to be titled Hilary, Risen (Not in the Biblical sense, but in the yeasty lesbian gas bag sense). The woman could actually work for al qaeda and make us feel sorry for them. “You take back crazy womans and we stop bomb things!!!