Archive of entries posted on August 2012

No babies

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According to Bloomberg, Americans are having fewer babies since Obama took office.

I wonder why that is.

The article says something about the economy being the reason, but that doesn’t seem right. Less money to buy rubbers would lead to more babies, not fewer.

No, there’s something else going on.

I think it’s because Obama has been on TV so much. Think about it. After watching him on TV, are you really “in the mood?”

Oh, heck. That darn news channel has him on, jabbering about something.

So, if you will excuse me, I’m going to go not have sex.

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UPDATE: Linked by iOwnTheWorld

Give Biden a Speaking Slot at the RNC

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So Obama is sending Biden to Tampa during the Republican National Convention for some reason. I mean this is a guy who only ever gets attention for saying something dumb — and he’s been getting a lot of attention lately. I’m not sure how that’s supposed to pay off for the Democrats. In fact, I think since he’ll be down there, the Republicans should go ahead and give him a speaking slot at the RNC.

He’ll be like, “Well, I didn’t really have a speech prepared for you guys.”

And we’ll be like. “That’s okay. Just speak from the heart — say whatever comes to mind. I’m sure you’ll do great.”

And then we just end his surely memorable speech with a solemn reminder that this is the guy who will be next in line for the presidency unless people vote the right way in November.

Stay on Topic

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Well, I think we’ve had enough talking about Akin for a while. So this economy under Obama… still really sucks, huh?

At some point, we really have to crack down on all these distractions. Obama is a horrible president who has done a horrible job and the main message of the presidential campaign needs to be, “Look how horrible Obama has been. The idea of giving Obama another four years is insane. Insane. Anyone who votes for Obama should be locked up in Arkham Asylum with the Joker. Obviously, like him, that person just wants to watch the world burn.”

Of course, the Democrats are going to try to cling to every distraction they can find and the media will help them. That’s why every Republican needs to bring every conversation back to Obama and the economy. For instance, in reacting to Akin, they should have said, “What Akin said was such an ignorant mess that it reminded me exactly of what Obama has done with the economy over the past four years.” If they try to bring up Seamus again, we should say, “That dog must have been as scared up there as an unemployed person is in Obama’s economy.” And if a dead hooker is found in the trunk of Romney’s car, he needs to say, “I can’t explain how she got there, the same as Obama can’t explain what happened with the trillion in ‘stimulus’ he spent that failed to revitalize the economy.”

See, simple. No matter what comes up, we can bring the conversation back to the important issues. If the Republicans would like to hire me as a campaign consultant, I cost one million dollars. If the Democrats would like to hire me to help them counteract this, I cost two million dollars.

Random Thoughts: Akin Distraction

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Even if Akin wins, he’s always going to be that weird guy who thinks women’s bodies are magical.

How many politicians will quietly go from the potential for getting higher political office? Remember Crist?

You have to remember, pretty much all politicians are sociopaths.

Claire McCaskill does have the high ground on rape since she’s refusing to go to the DNC since a known rapist will be speaking there.

PolitiFact has rated Hank Williams Jr.’s claim that Obama is a “Muslim” who “hates the U.S.” as “partly true.”

Senator is a job anyone can do. Just vote yes and no. All we need is someone who is not a distraction. Like a mute.

This is a nice little distraction, but it should go away as long as Akin doesn’t say anything else stupid. What are Intrade odds on that?

Campaign advice for Akin: Run ads reminding voters that McCaskill voted for Obamacare. Cut out own tongue.

U.S. Senator does seem like one of the cushiest jobs if you can get it. We’ve seen the dummies who’ve coasted in it for decades.

The Republican National Convention is next week? Well, when are they sending me my speaking invite?

I can’t believe Nintendo Power magazine is ending. Remember the Castlevania II cover that gave you nightmares?

That Sandusky guy sure made child molesters unpopular.

Akin says the liberal media is trying to get him to drop out. Well, they’re among those.

Who invented the cheese grater? He had to be like the Stephen Hawking of his day.

Actually, I don’t know of anything Stephen Hawking has done that’s benefited me. But the cheese grater guy helps brighten my every day.

Remember all those people who used to protest for nuclear disarmament? How did that turn out?

Is this the deliverance from Republicans the Democrats meant?

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Joe Biden is running his mouth again.

It’s always interesting when he does that. You get a glimpse at what goes on in a liberal’s mind.

For instance, yesterday, when talking to some folks in Minnesota, he said, “”Over the objections where they sound like squealing pigs, over the objections of (Mitt) Romney and all his allies, we passed some of the toughest Wall Street regulations in history.”

Squealing pigs?

I don’t know that it would be my place to argue with the vice president. After all, he, the president, and the Democrats in Congress have been making America squeal like a pig for years.

If you ever run into Joe Biden, and he says you “have a purty mouf,” run. The odds of Burt Reynolds being nearby with a bow and arrow to save you are very slim.

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Promoted Comment: A Moment With Joe Biden

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[High Praise! to Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden.

BIDEN: …so, I went down to Tampa for the convention and I go to walk in and this big guy at the door says, “I think you’re in the wrong place.” And, I said to him, “Come on man, stop kiddin’ around. I’m the vice president, this is an election year, and it’s the convention.” So, he says, “Joe, buddy, this is the Republican convention and you’re a Democrat.” So, it turns out that there’s a whole other political party out there that has these candidates trying to get people to allow them to be the president and VP. I mean, who knew that? And, why would we need two other guys trying to be president and VP too? Barack and I don’t need any help, we’re doing fine. It’s just crazy.

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

Hate crime: the most important meal of the day

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My bacon has a first name

Yummy, tasty hate

You saw that thing the police are investigating as a hate crime, right?

No, not the shooting last week at the Family Research Council. That was a white gay rights activist that shot a black security guard at a conservative organization. Nothing says “hate crime” there because the shooter was left-wing, and therefore, incapable of hate. The bullets he fired were bullets of love and peace and rainbows.

I’m talking about … bacon! On the ground! In a city park!

“This has been determined to be a bias event on the part of our Hate Crimes Task Force,” NYPD Commissioner Ray Kelly told reporters, including WCBS 880′s Rich Lamb.

Unless, of course, it’s a left-wing gay activist that dropped his bacon.

Still, I am upset that someone would put bacon on the ground. Bacon goes in my belly. After it goes through the frying pan. Or the George Foreman Grill.

Mmm. Bacon.

I’m gonna commit a hate crime all over my breakfast plate in the morning. With eggs. Scrambled. With cheese.

Wisdom of the Day: Golf Homeschool Life Coach Fact Median

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lolbama! Delayed Is Not lolbama! Denied

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Got me a new day job and right now I don’t have two hours to rub together to assemble the lolbama! post this week.

My current plan is to shift this feature to Sunday mornings at 8am so I have time to give it the attention it needs.

Meanwhile, I promise to keep your free ice cream in the freezer so it doesn’t melt.

And yes, it will still have little bacon sprinkles on top.