Archive of entries posted on December 2012

The Bacon Debate

Posted by on

Well, I’m not sure there’s a bacon debate going on, but this seems like as good a time as any to start one.

Question: Is bacon a meat, or a condiment?

I don’t think of bacon as a meat. I’ll put bacon on stuff that already has meat in it, but I can’t think of anything I eat where bacon is the primary meat.

Think of a bacon cheeseburger. It’s a cheeseburger with bacon. It’s not a bacon burger with beef.

Even a bacon omelette is simply a cheese omelette with bacon.

Bacon is like icing. I like cake. Cake is good. But cake with icing is better. Bacon is like icing for meat.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I do like bacon. But bacon’s primary purpose in life (death?) is to make other stuff better.

What about you? Where do you stand?

Building an army

Posted by on

A man from Florida has pled guilty to smuggling dinosaurs. Seven of them.

Yep, he had seven dinosaurs. Two of them at his home in Gainesville. I’ve been to Gainesville. Actually lived there for a few months. The thought of someone keeping two dinosaurs in a home there is a little disconcerting. Suppose they had got loose? Could you imagine the carnage?

Anyway, he had two in Gainesville, and five others in various places. As best as I can tell, he didn’t have any rocket launchers.

Which proves that dinosaurs alone aren’t enough. The feds will get you. Gotta have rocket launchers, if you want to build a proper army.

Words

Posted by on

Every year, at the end of the year, there are always lists. I haven’t seen a list of lists yet, but I’m sure someone has one.

Time has a list. It’s about words:

If we could put a piece of culture in a steel vault and sink it into the blackest depths of the deepest ocean? In a special editon of Wednesday Words, TIME asks you to give it a try, by voting on which word or phrase people need to delete from their vocabulary in 2013.

What words does Time suggest?

  • 47%
  • 99%
  • 110%
  • adorkable
  • amazeballs
  • artisanal
  • cray
  • fiscal cliff
  • gangnam style
  • jelly
  • literally
  • meh
  • mommy porn
  • teehee
  • totes
  • YOLO
  • zombie apocalypse

Now, I could certainly do without lots of these words. In fact, I’ve managed to not utter nearly half of them at all, and of the others that I have said, most were my quoting others, often to make fun of them.

Except “jelly.” Of course, I used it, not to mean “jealous” but to mean the stuff that goes in a sandwich next to the peanut butter. And “cray?” It was capitalized when I used it; I was talking about the supercomputer.

While some of these words are indeed words we do not need to hear again, ever, I’m thinking there are some other words we could do without. “Obama” tops the list. “Harry Reid” is another, although I realize that’s two words. But then, so is “zombie apocalypse,” but there I go repeating myself.

What words would you like to never hear again?

Pity Liberals Who Have to Struggle With This Question

Posted by on

[High Praise! to Sondrakistan]

Some amateur herbalist in CO gets happy on his government-approved grass, gets behind the wheel of his Plymouth Valiant to hit up 7-11 for Doritos and Yoo-Hoo, and plows into a school bus.

In the mind of a prog, which actor is responsible for this tragedy: the weed, the car, or the Doritos?

Now, if he were driving a Volt, the answer would be Doritos because GM ain’t got enough money to pay off big in a lawsuit.

Spider-Man dies. Again.

Posted by on

Now I’m reading where Peter Parker, who is Spider-Man, is going to die in the upcoming issue 700.

Only, Peter Parker died in some issue back in August 2011 and Miles Morales became the new Spider-Man. Except that was another continuity. Or something.

Anyway, Peter Parker is going to die … unless that’s a spoiler and I wasn’t supposed to tell that, in which case, SOMETHING BIG WILL HAPPEN … and Doctor Octavius will become the new Spider-Man. Or something.

Okay, I need to back up for a second. I don’t get comic books. I just don’t get them. Superman? Don’t get it. Bat-Man? Don’t get it. Spider-Man? Yeah, I don’t get it.

Yes, I fully realize this is blasphemy, and that many of you are lining up to tie me to a stake, stack wood and brush, and set me alight. And, I suspect that Frank J. would be taking the lead on this. But guess what? He doesn’t read the stuff I write. I’m not even sure he remembers I have the keys to the place. He’s got a wife, a kid, and another on the way. He’s too busy to worry about me.

Anyway, I don’t get comics. Particularly the whole multiple universe thing. That’s the comic book version of Bobby Ewing in the shower.

I can stand some kid being bitten by a radioactive spider and suddenly being able to climb walls and such … okay, maybe I can’t.

But I can get into stories about a super-rich guy who runs around in his underwear and a cape fighting criminals who dress up like playing cards or flightless birds … okay I don’t get that either.

Well, I can deal with a space alien who can fly and disguise himself with a pair of glasses and bullets bounce off him but he ducks when someone throws a gun at him …

I just don’t get comics.

Unless…

What if Obama’s election — and re-election — is actually part of an alternate universe like one where Spider-Man is Bruce Wayne’s sidekick or Superman is a country music singer?

I kinda like that other universe better.

Roach, Democrat, but I repeat myself

Posted by on

Technology is amazing. Sure, they come up with silly things, but the genius of technology isn’t just developing the new tech, but the applications for the tech.

For instance, there’s a technology that controls roaches. It’s called RoboRoach. Well, now there’s been an advancement in robotic roach technology. Seems someone figured out how to control RoboRoaches through the Twitterz.

During certain time periods, according to the article, they allowed tweets to control roaches, using hashtags like #TweetRoachLeft and #TweetRoachRight.

The next step? I suggest using Democrats. Shouldn’t be a big jump in technology to control a slightly (but only slightly) more complex life form than roaches. Democrats would be perfect.

Only, anyone who sends #TweetObamaLeft needs to be beat with a stick.