Some of you noticed that Frank wasn’t here yesterday. Some of you were concerned. I mean, without your U.S. Recommended Daily Allowance of Frank J., what would you do?
Well, you made it through the day. Barely. But, that still leaves the question: Where’s Frank?
So, to test your IMAO knowledge, we’ve prepared a list of possible explanations for Frank’s disappearance, one of which is the real answer:
- His alarm clock didn’t go off.
- He was on a secret mission to Korea, to kick that obnoxious guy’s butt.
- And by “obnoxious guy” in Korea, we mean PSY.
- Selling his books door-to-door.
- Meeting with the Russians to plan delivery of a nuke to the moon.
- Opening a Mexican Stoplight Candy franchise.
- Filming a cameo appearance in the new Larry the Cable Guy movie.
- Meeting with NBC to discuss taking over The Tonight Show in three years.
- Lost his password.
- Sarah K was craving Chicago-style pizza. And it’s 1,696 miles from Boise to Gino’s.
- He needed a break.
- We needed a break.
Okay, maybe none of them is the real reason. I mean, seriously, how would I know? Like Frank has to check in with me.
Still, one of them could be right. But probably not. What do you think? Just where was Frank?
» The dog ate his blogging homework.
» He spilled his milk on his laptop.
» His concealed carry permit expired and he couldn’t get out of bed.
» He was so upset by tax day, he laid low and did laundry.
» He was reading baby books.
He put off cleaning his guns long enough.
He mistakenly grabbed his iPad to play frisbee with the dog.
He was so impressed with Obama’s speech yesterday he started a new book.
. . . Wait, Frank was gone? . . .
Oh, I’ll bet it had something to do with his and SarahK’s plans to bring more gun owners into the world. If so, mazeltov!
Doing his taxes. It takes a long time to count up all those 50¢ checks he gets from his Amazon sales.
When you mentioned the ‘obnoxious guy’ in Korea, I immediately thought of John Kerry.
I think Jimmy and DamnCat may be on to something with the tax day coincidence.
Responsible impulse to pay exorbitant taxes exactly cancelled out an equally responsible impulse NOT to pay exorbitant taxes, like a wave function, or like matter vs. antimatter, caused him to pop audibly out of existence. Only his knowledge of the Higgs boson saved him and allowed him to return. And Obama’s stupidity.
Sarahquestered.
Frank needed to take a hippy punching break. And, as with playing Call of Duty, once you get started…
Meeting with rogue scientists to discuss the progress of DRLP ( the Dinosaurs with Rocket Launchers Program )
pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease let it be he’s taking over the tonight show!
Standing in line at the post office to get his return marked April 15, 2013 11:59:59 because he didn’t want to get it in any sooner than needed and he doesn’t trust that electronic filing thing.
@7: Frank owes you ~~~~~!!
Speaking of Comrade Chairman Obama’s “DRLP” :
How NASA brought the F1 Moon Rocket Back to Life
That’s one hell-of-a good read for space fans. The F1 was the Saturn V main booster engine.
Heh – good one, Oppo
Geez, praise from Jimmy and DamnCat is like bacon-enriched bacon with added bacon flavorings!
.. which reminds me: at some point in the past I was going to make a “khat” joke, and I saw this in Wikipedia:
“cathinone and cathine have a very similar molecular structure to amphetamine. Khat is sometimes confused with methcathinone (also known as cat), a Schedule I substance. . . The khat plant is known by a variety of names, such as qat and gat in Yemen, qaat and jaad in Somalia, and chat in Ethiopia. It is also known as jimma in the Oromo language.”
Jimma!
Oppo, that is Unfair and Unbalanced !!!11!!
Damn, Cat and I are like… “Medicated?”
That calls for… Coffee! And later… Beer!
Hmmm…that certainly explains my compulsion to run around the house like a maniac at 3:00 AM
Wait a sec. So, where WAS Frank?
Have you noticed that Frank hasn’t commented here?
Frank?
“FRRRRAAAAAAAAAANK!”
(That’s a line from his new TV series. Oh-oh…)
and some other pop culture appearances by Frank:
“It’s pronounced Frank N. Stein.” — Gene Wilder, “Young Frankenstein”
“Frank J., my dear, I don’t give a damncat.” — Gone Wit [sic] The Wind
“Captain, they are the FerankJ.” — Star Trek, The Next Generation
“Captain, they are the FerankJ.” — Star Trek, The Next Generation
So that was Frank with the cinnamon bearclaw pastries for ears? Damn, that guy’s short!
“Ball Park FrankJ.’s – They plump when you cook ’em!” – advertisement
“Let me be Frank.” Barack Hussein Obama
“That’s noot possible!” – Scotty
“And me, I’m Al FrankJen.” – SNL
“How many times do I have to tell ‘ya to get the rrright tool for the rrright job?!!”
“Ar, them great whites there, I tell ya, they’re goin’ into a feeding Frank J.” — some shark guy in a Jaws knockoff.
“Viva La Frank J.!” — some French guy (waving a French flag at G.I.’s entering Paris).