62 Comments

  1. …shorter attention spans due to the…ah…effects of…uh…hmmm…link to cat videos? Oh! Now that’s funny. What’s this one? Oh! I LOVE that song. Who’s this guy? That was him? Invest in gold? Hmmmm. Oh, here we go, a recipe for walnut cookies that tastes good. Oh good, I missed that episode of Iron Chef….

  2. …your hands getting grubby and your healthcare getting Gruber.

    …Smokey Bear smoking. Literally smoking.

    …the real reason for Bill Clinton repeatedly saying “Oh man, she looks so hot”.

    …Obama having never been in the kitchen in the first place.

  3. A disaster of biblical proportions. Real wrath of God type stuff. Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes… The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!

  4. Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!

  5. Greatly increased yields of walnuts which never led to anything good.

    Hilary being seen in public in increasingly skimpy swimwear.

    More sunshine leading to glare from Joe Biden’s teeth.

    Increase in Secret Service expenditure for sun screen while protecting golfing presidents.

  6. Global warming is now being cited as the cause of…

    Anonymiss’s judging posts becoming increasingly unreliable. You see, as the weather gets colder, my number of events increases exponentially. Cold weather is caused by global warming, so me being too busy is GLOBAL WARMING’S FAULT!!!

    By the way, any of you guys wanna help with a wedding?

  7. …Caddyshack II.

    …the pandemic of (Oh, the humanity!!!) wintertime male shrinkage.

    …LeBron James returning to Cleveland for the nicer climate.

    …the senseless first degree murder of the last Ice Age.

  8. . . . the existence of MSNBC

    . . . Matt Taylor’s ugly shirt

    . . . Taylor Swift’s inability to write a song that doesn’t sound like every other song that she’s written

    . . . white privilege, male privilege, heterosexual privilege, and executive privilege

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.