you license to use the internet will be reasonably priced and the test you have to take to get it will be designed by the finest minds in Academia to assure that everyone’s experience online will by pleasurable and a true learning experience. Okay Comrade?
The FCC will require ISPs to submit reports stating %bandwidth delivered to end users by race, gender, and age. Which will lead to the ISPs lobbying for, and getting passed, legislation giving them authority to silently takeover all webcams attached to the Internet. Which will lead to a debate over statistical sample sizes producing legislation equipping every internet enabled device with a webcam the IS{Ps can silently takeover. Which will further lead to another debate over statistical errors producing legislation to equip every internet enabled device with DNA testing technology. Which will finally lead to that chip in your frontal lobe you use to connect to everything else.
Straight Line of the Day: Under Obama’s Plan to Regulate the Internet… Will begin right after he finishes shredding the Constitution and Bill of Rights.
. . . you will no longer receive e-mails from Nigeria promising you a large transfer of wealth into your bank account once you provide all the information to perform said transfer; you will receive e-mails notifying you that the Treasury Department has transferred the entire contents of your bank account into its own account.
Match dot com will no longer take trivialities like gender into consideration.
…if you like your IMAO, you can keep your IMAO…
Under Obama’s plan to regulate the internet…
all online payments go to the DNC.
Under Obama’s plan to regulate the internet…
you license to use the internet will be reasonably priced and the test you have to take to get it will be designed by the finest minds in Academia to assure that everyone’s experience online will by pleasurable and a true learning experience. Okay Comrade?
Under Obama’s plan to regulate the internet…
the world will live as one….
imagine….
…all eMails except Lois Lerner’s will be routed thru Bluffdale UT.
…includes appointing Brian Williams as Internet Veracity Czar.
…will make “lolobama” a felony.
…will be enforced by a new security force armed with selfies sticks.
Your desktop has to be one of his selfies.
The FCC will require ISPs to submit reports stating %bandwidth delivered to end users by race, gender, and age. Which will lead to the ISPs lobbying for, and getting passed, legislation giving them authority to silently takeover all webcams attached to the Internet. Which will lead to a debate over statistical sample sizes producing legislation equipping every internet enabled device with a webcam the IS{Ps can silently takeover. Which will further lead to another debate over statistical errors producing legislation to equip every internet enabled device with DNA testing technology. Which will finally lead to that chip in your frontal lobe you use to connect to everything else.
Every log on screen will be healthcare.gov, followed by rebooting the computer, followed by the log on screen . . .
…going online will almost be cheaper and better managed than Obamacare.
…every citizen will receive their own personal drone to protect their monitors from harmful right wing propaganda.
Straight Line of the Day: Under Obama’s Plan to Regulate the Internet… Will begin right after he finishes shredding the Constitution and Bill of Rights.
… Internet logs onto you!
Add fiber
Obamacare website is your home page
…to insure the plan being deemed constitutional, Barack sent a case of fine wine to Ruth Bader-Ginsberg.
… Our Bytes Macht Frei.
Under Obama’s plan to regulate the internet…
there is nothing written down, they’ll make it up as they go along.
… content quality will be judged by the same people who brought you Pajama Boy.
… IMAO can expect an Eminent Domain takeover.
… the tech chairs on the Titanic will be rearranged.
… privacy fans will go into cybernation.
…all your blogs are belong to us.
. . . you will no longer receive e-mails from Nigeria promising you a large transfer of wealth into your bank account once you provide all the information to perform said transfer; you will receive e-mails notifying you that the Treasury Department has transferred the entire contents of your bank account into its own account.
Under Obama’s plan to regulate the internet…
…there will a boat load of “intended” unintended consequences.
…will make the internet slower than I-24 West between Murfreesboro and Nashville at 7:30 AM
…will include debut of the “civilian national security force”.