Corporate Advertising Imam: Let us all excuse the CFI while he goes and tries to mitigate that minor cockup. Without further ado, here is Habib’s entry. Would you like to introduce it, Habib?

Habib: No need. The video will be doing the speaking for itself, praise Allah.

Corporate Advertising Imam: Ok, let’s start it up then.

(Screen shows Habib leading a team of mujahedeen as they ride fiercely across the desert)

Habib: To the village!

Khalid: To the village!

(They ride in to the village square where a cowboy, an indian, a construction worker, a cop, a sailor and a leather-clad motorcyclist are waiting for them)

Habib: It is the people of the village!

Village People (in tandem and lisping): Now those are some macho men. What took you so long, fellas?

Leather-Clad (opens vest to reveal bombs strapped to his chest)

Khalid: Look out! He has a bomb!

Leather-Clad: Yes. A glitter bomb! Take that, sweet cheeks! (activates bomb and the square is showered in glitter. A disco ball drops and the music starts)

Village People (singing and dancing):

Young man, there’s a place you can go

I said, young man, not talkin’ ‘bout Charlie Hebdo

They have everything for you men to enjoy,

You can hang out with all the boys….

It’s fun to stay with the I.S.I.S.

It’s fun to stay with the I.S.I.S.

Sailor: Come on, everybody, join in the fun!

(Habib, Khalid and their mujahedeen enthusiastically dismount, throw off their tunics and join the dancing throng)

All (singing):

Young man, young man, come mow your enemies down

Young man, young man, crush the West to the ground

I.S.I.S….you’ll find it at the I.S.I.S

I.S.I.S….you’ll find it at the I.S.I.S

(Sound of planes overhead. Shot shows paratroopers leaping from the planes above the village)

Habib: Look everybody! It’s raining men!

(Paratroopers land and join the dance party)

All: Yeah!

It’s fun to stay with the I.S.I.S.

It’s fun to stay with the I.S.I.S.

Habib: Brotherhood never felt so right. Come party with us. See dhimmi.org for details.

(Dance party that fades out)

All (silent with jaws dropping)

Ali: Why do I feel the strong urge to stone my eyes?

Corporate Advertising Imam: Well, that was an interesting take.

Habib: Don’t you get it? It’s ironic. I was being cagy. It will lure the enemy to us.

All (silent with jaws still dropping)

Habib: Ah, it was just too meta for you. Your kids will explain it to you.

(to be continued, maybe, if I feel like it)