(still somewhere secret in the desert)

Corporate Advertising Imam (wiping the tears from his eyes): That was a very moving bit from Ahmed.  Thank you very much.  Let’s give Ahmed a hand.  That will be tough to beat.  Up next we have Galid’s entry.  Galid, would you please come up and introduce your commercial?

Galid: I am confused.  I did not know I was supposed to say anything.  I have not prepared any words to speak.  In fact, I would rather explode my bomb vest than speak in public, praise be Allah.  I would rather a comely young virgin traipse nude through the desert unstoned than come up to that podium and…

Corporate Advertising Imam: Ok. That’s ok.  You don’t have to come up.  Just stay right there.  What problem is your commercial tackling?  Funding or recruitment?

Galid: I am confused.  I did not realize we were supposed to choose.  I did both.  I did both in one.

Corporate Advertising Imam: That’s perfectly ok. Even better, actually.  (tosses Galid the remote)  Why don’t you do the honors?

Galid (catches remote and frantically pushes buttons): I am so confused.  Allah smite these Jew-cursed remotes!  These symbols? They may as well be Hebrew!  Does square mean play?  Or these two little dash thingies?  Why did I not pay attention in geometry?

Corporate Advertising Imam: Just push the triangle.  The triangle means play.

Galid: The triangle is the one that looks like a circle, right?  I don’t even see a circle.

Habib: I spit upon the remote!

Corporate Advertising Imam: Don’t worry.  I’ll just push the button up here on the DVD player.  Ok.  It’s starting.  Here we go.  Can you toss me back the remote?

Galid (tosses the crushed remains of the remote)

Corporate Advertising Imam (casts annoyed look at Galid)

Galid: It is Habib’s fault.  He spit upon it.

Habib: But you are the one who crushed it beneath your heel like it was the great asp of Satan himself.

Galid: You tricked me.  You spit on it first.  Surely it is your fault.  Are you sure you are not a wily Jew? Oh, shush, shush.  My video!  It is starting!

(screen shows slow motion images of the attack on the WTC)

All (ululating and firing into the air)

Galid: No, no. Quiet!  I cannot hear my advertisement.  This is only the beginning.

Corporate Advertising Imam: Please, let’s be considerate and refrain from celebrating of the ascendency of Allah until the end.

Galid: Start it over.  Start it over. You have to start it over. No one knows what is going on now.

Corporate Advertising Imam (rewinds and starts it over)

(screen shows slow motion images of the attack on the WTC)

Galid’s Voice Over: Life can be confusing.  Are you confused by the idea that fire can melt steel?

(screen shows blurry image of a man’s ear)

Galid’s Voice Over: Are you confused when you go to the cabinet and find your yeast missing?

(screen shows blurry image of man in the distance)

Galid’s Voice Over: Or open your pantry to find all your herbs are bitter?

(screen shows blurry image of the back of the man in the distance)

Galid’s Voice Over: Are you confused to discover that after you apply hand sanitizer you suddenly feel sassy and are drawn inexplicably to antiques?

(screen shows blurry image of a man’s nose)

Galid’s Voice Over: Do the jets flying overhead make your bowels confusingly clench with irritability?

(screen shows blurry image of a man’s lips)

Galid’s Voice Over: Does your tin foil hat no longer keep all those other confusing voices out of your head?

(screen shows blurry image of a man’s eyes)

Galid’s Voice Over: Did you ever visit Auschwitz and muse: bleak and drab, yes, but I kind of like what Adolf has done with the place?  Well, then be confused no more!

(screen shows back of man’s head and then pans around to the front to reveal Netanyahu. His eyes suddenly flare red.  Galid steps in front of the green screen image)

Galid: We’re ISIS.  We don’t just blame the Jews. (cocks rifle)  For information about how to join, email us at dhimmi.org or call at 202-225-1605.  Or if you are not confused enough to fight global jihad just yet but still want to help, you can send donations to:

(address shows on the screen)

CAIR

21700 Northwestern Hwy

Southfield, MI 48075

Galid: We are ISIS!  And we are death to the Jews!  (ululating and firing into the air.  Shot fades)

All (ululating and firing into the air)

Chief Financial Imam: Wait, wait wait.  That is my cellphone number and my home address.  What were you thinking?

Galid: I am confused.  You are the chief finance man.  I thought this would make you happy.  The money goes straight to you.  Cut out the middle of the man. Don’t need to give CAIR its cut.

Corporate Advertising Imam: It’s ok. We can edit that out.  We are the only people who have seen this.

Galid: Except for the 75,000 hits on the Tube of You.

Chief Financial Imam: 75,000!  I can never go home again.  I’m trapped in this hellhole!

Galid: But then it got blocked and taken down, Allah curse the Tube of You.  I’m sure it was that wily Jew-run NSA.

Chief Financial Imam: Oh my Allah! When did you post it?  The feds have probably been tracking me all this time.

Galid: I spit upon those wily Jews.

Ahmed: And I spit upon those Jews with less wile.

Habib: I spit upon them all, from the wile-less to the wile-ful!

Corporate Advertising Imam: It will be ok.  Our lawyers will work it out.

Chief Financial Imam: You don’t understand.  That isn’t the number for my bloody burner. That was my personal phone.  The one I use for legitimate business.  The one I use for our lobbyists.  That phone has Keith Ellison on speed dial.

Corporate Advertising Imam: OMA!

Chief Financial Imam: I’ve got to get to a safe house until I can figure this out!

(to be continued, maybe, if I feel like it)