I thought it was disrespectful when my 1yo son said, “Cracker, please!” to me, but it ends up he wanted a cracker.

Working on pilot for show where Lucy Lawless plays character named Lucy who is leader of an anarchist group. Trying to think of name for it.
Maybe “Lucy No-Laws”
“Anne-archy” is another idea. Would have to change the main character’s name, though.

It’s done. Our house in Idaho is sold. Goodbye-daho.

Yes, bio needs updating. I’m now a Texan. I have a big hat and am working on a drawl.

You’re afraid in the future the internet will get slower, so you want the FCC in charge of it? What universe do you live in?

Must be hard to hear people quote “leading scientists” when you’re a trailing scientist. Let it motivate you to do some better sciencing.

So when is Texas planning to secede? Before April 15th, right?

Found an old Armageddon DVD. Fond memories of a time before I knew I supposed to hate Michael Bay.

I’m starting an organization where we nurse lame jokes back to health. Sometimes all it takes is a delivery by Norm MacDonald.

1. Government steps in to allegedly help consumers
2. Cronies go on regulatory board
3. Cronies crush competition and get rich off consumers

No one, no matter who they are, is above the llama.

I heard Scott Walker had a good speech at CPAC, but since he didn’t finish college, he only used one syllable words.

The Slap is a How I Met Your Mother spinoff, right?

My mom says she sees blue and black. Is she part of a flash mob playing a joke on everyone?

Replicants are exactly like regular humans in almost all regards, but there is a subtle flaw in their ability to discern color…

“I’m going to irradiate all the gold in Ft. Knox, Mr. Bond.”
“You’re a fool, Goldfinger. There’s nothing in here but black bricks.”

Saw this weird color phenomenon where I was behind Niagara and everything went B&W. Just assumed colors don’t work all the time in Canada.

So is people not agreeing on colors a known phenomenon, or did we break the Matrix today?

It’s nice some people are taking a break from solving all the world’s problems to chastise people about caring about this dress thing.

Really? Black? You can’t see any yellow in it? You’re not making sense. Get some rest.

Some people who once saw blue and black now see white and gold. There is a cure. Don’t give up hope.

Gold does not become black! There is no color correction where gold becomes black! Stop lying and saying it isn’t gold!

This is some weird government experiment. You let them take over the internet, and now they’re using it to tear us apart. #Dress

“It may appear to be a white and gold dress, but if we color correct it, it’s now a much darker white and gold dress.”