ref: flag! coach: what's wrong? ref: nothing coach: no really, what's wrong? ref: nothing! i'm fine pic.twitter.com/qXCNm9OVYt

— Meninist (@MeninistTweet) April 3, 2015

My car is basically a $34,000 phone charger.

— Loco Eric (@ericsshadow) April 3, 2015

"IM A FREAKIN LEGEND" I yell at tourists downtown as I stand beside a map of my city, ready to interpret all the symbols and icons for them

— Rad Kyle (@KyleMcDowell86) April 4, 2015

"SHE'S A WITCH! BURN HER!!" *a nun steps forward* "That robe is SO 12th century" *crowd gasps* *the witch just bursts into flames*

— Miltgen (@Miltgen) April 4, 2015

Judge: and how does the defendant plead Lawyer: like this your honor *makes whiny voice *nooo I didn’t do any crimes* Judge: HAH do it again

— RollmanOfOz (@Rollmaninoz) April 5, 2015

"Baby stingrays look like raviolis stuffed with tiny damned souls." Just sayin' pic.twitter.com/R53GUG9JTc

— Mark Pahlow (@mcpheeceo) April 3, 2015

ME: heres our crew for the heist. tom– demolitions TOM: yo M: ed– inside man ED: yup M: pat– pizza orderer PAT: let me know of any allergies

— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) April 5, 2015

The only thing that makes this Rolling Stone fabrication a journalistic outlier is the fact they were caught.

— jon gabriel (@exjon) April 6, 2015

What should we call this giant advertising board? PHIL: A philboard BILL: I have a better idea

— Nice Hippo (@NicestHippo) April 6, 2015

I suppose if I didn’t know what a law was, I’d be in favor of more of them too.

— Charles C. W. Cooke (@charlescwcooke) April 6, 2015

An alternate universe where the president throws the first punch of MMA season.

— ClarkHat (@ClarkHat) April 6, 2015