(From a suggestion by Anonymiss of Nuking Politics [High Praise!])
Normally works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Slightly different today:
Here’s Hillary Clinton’s idea of a Princess Bride reference:
In the Clinton post, the campaign writes, “Help elect a president who’ll fight harder than the Dread Pirate Roberts to make sure all Americans have a chance to get ahead, no matter what they look like, where they come from, or who they love.”
Make a better Princess Bride reference for the Clinton campaign
Hillary Clinton, guarantees a ROUS in every pot!
“Cynics are simply schlonged romantics.”
Life is pain, anyone who says differently is selling something. Vote Clinton.
Schlonged? That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me!
Inigo Montoya: Who are you?
Hillary: No one of consequence.
Inigo Montoya: I must know…
Hillary: Get used to disappointment.
Inigo Montoya: ‘kay.
Vote Clinton, the consequences will come as a surprise.
Schlonged? I can’t really hear you over Bill’s laughing. Can you repeat that?
You truly love the Constitution and so you might have been truly happy. Not one country in history has had that chance, no matter what the communists say. And so I think no country in history will suffer as greatly as you will.
*Cackles uncontrollably*
“Never go in against a Clinton when the Presidency is on the line”
Vote Clinton, or else.
“He held up a book then. “I’m going to read it to you for relax.”
“Does it have any sports in it?”
“Fencing. Fighting. Torture. Poison. True Love. Hate. Revenge. Giants. Hunters. Bad men. Good men. Beautifulest Ladies with Bill. Snakes. Spiders… Pain. Death. Brave men. Cowardly men. Strongest men. Chases. Gay Ambassadors. Escapes. Lies. Truths. Passion. Miracles.”
“Sounds okay,” I said and I kind of closed my eyes.”
Every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, “Dear God! What is that thing,” will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.
Vote Clinton, or feel the pain.
I am the Brute Squad. And I’m coming for you America.
Vote Clinton and the hurt will stop.
“Help elect a president that promises to control the shrieking eels of the bureaucracy”
“Elect Hillary – she already has a Holocaust cloak”
“You seem a decent fellow,” Hillary said. “I hate to kill you.”
You seem a vengeful witch,” answered Vincent Foster. “I hate to die.”
“Enough about my beauty.” Hillary said. “Everybody always talks about how beautiful I am. I’ve got a mind, Donald Trump. Talk about that.”
Hillary: But, I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top of the Ticket.
Bernie: That’s VERY comforting, but I’m afraid I just don’t believe you.
Hillary: I hate wussies. I could give you my word as a Clinton.
Bernie: No good. I’ve known too many Clintons.
Hillary: Isn’t there any way you trust me?
Bernie: Nothing comes to mind.
Hillary: I swear on the soul of our great Leader and model, Vladimir Lenin, you will be permitted to try and reach the top alive.
Man in Black: Throw me the rope.
Vote Clinton, save a socialist.
Hillary: I do not mean to pry, but you don’t by any chance happen to have a check for six figures in your right hand?
Campaign Donor: Do you always begin conversations this way?
Vote Clinton, she knows how to get shown the money.
Hillary: Good night, Bernie. Good work. Sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.
Vote Clinton, she know how to take care of “business'”.
Hillary: I can’t compete with you physically, and you’re no match for my brains.
Trump: You’re that smart?
Hillary: Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
Trump: Yes.
Hillary: Morons.
Vote Hillary, she’ll always be the smartest one in the room.
Bernie: You are wonderful.
Hillary: Thank you; I’ve worked hard to become so.
Bernie: I admit it, you are a better Progressive than I am.
Hillary: Then why are you smiling?
Bernie: Because I know something you don’t know.
Hillary: And what is that?
Bernie: I… am not a Democrat.
[Moves his Positions to his left and gains an advantage]
Hillary: You are amazing.
Bernie: I ought to be, after 20 years as a Socialist.
Hillary: Oh, there’s something I ought to tell you.
Bernie: Tell me.
Hillary: I’m not a Democrat either.
Vote Hillary, for some authentic Socialism.
Gimme free stuff!
As you wish.
Oh! Look at you Mr. Smartypants… My campaign is only mostly dead…
Hillary: Hello, my name is Hillary Rodham Clinton. You elected my husband. Prepare to vote.
[Hillary advances a middle of the road agenda, but stumbles into typical leftist progressive soundbites. The Left attacks, but Hillary parries and raises her rhetoric again]
Hillary: Hello, my name is Hillary Rodham Clinton. You elected my husband. Prepare to vote.
[The Left attacks again, Hillary plays the victim card more fiercely, gaining strength]
Hillary : Hello! My name is Hillary Rodham Clinton! You elected my Husband! Prepare to vote!
The Left: Stop saying that!
[The Left attacks, twice. Hillary avoids the Press and wounds The Left with her political acumen, changing the same spots that her husband changed. Hillary attacks, bellowing:]
Hillary: HELLO! MY NAME IS Hillary Rodham Clinton! YOU ELECTED MY HUSBAND! PREPARE TO VOTE!
[Hillary corners the Left, knocks their words aside, and slashes them for their cheek, giving them scars just like Hillary’s]
Hillary: Offer me money.
The Left: Yes!
Hillary: Power, too, promise me that.
[She plays the meek woman card]
The Left: All that I have and more. Please…
Hillary: Offer me anything I ask for.
The Left: Anything you want…
[The Left knocks Hillary’s promises aside and lunges. But Hillary traps them with their own Rhetoric and goes for the kill.]
Hillary: I want the Presidency back, you sniveling morons!
[She runs the Left through and shoves their own words back against them. The Left falls to the floor, helpless.]
Vote Clinton, she’ll get the job done.
Hillary: I do not envy you the headache you will have when you awake and realize you voted me into office. But for now, rest well and try not to dream of large hairy Feminist women.
Vote Clinton, how much could it hurt?
Quiet, Wench!
Do as I say, I mean it!
Anybody want a peanut?
Hillary: Oh, America, will you ever forgive me?
The Press: What hideous sin have you committed lately?
Hillary: I got an Ambassador killed. I didn’t want to – it all happened so fast.
The Press: Never happened.
Hillary: What?
The Press: Never happened.
Hillary: But it did I was watching a satellite feed real time; these odd men were yelling “Allahu Akbar!”
The Press: Have you ever told the truth about it?
Hillary: Um, no… I sort of skipped that part.
The Press: Then, at this point, what difference does it make?. You blamed a video; you were only the Secretary of State, you can’t be held responsible for it.
Vote Hillary, she’s responsibility personified.
America: It was ten hours until the beheading. The Ambassador still lived, but Hillary’s nightmare was growing steadily worse.
The Right: See, didn’t I tell you she gave the ‘stand down’ order?
America: Yes, you’re very smart. Shut up.
Vote Clinton, because it could happen to you!
Hillary: I am a women of action, lies do not happen on my watch.
Vote Clinton, or at least tell your friends you did.
The Right: [reading Hillary’s testimony] Since the invention of the Lie, there have been five lies rated the most improbable, the most pure BS. This one left them all behind. The end.
Vote Clinton, at least she’s the best at something.
Hillary: Bernie is right on top of us. I wonder if he is using the same lies we are using.
Vote Hillary her lies are better than Obama’s. [oooooh golf reference!]
Hillary: If you’ll vote for me, whatever you ask for payola, you’ll get it I promise you.
America: [laughs] And what is that worth, the promise of a Clinton? You’re very funny, Hillary.
Vote Clinton, she’ll make America laugh again.
Bernie Sanders (after getting shellacked by Hillary in the primaries) Kill me quickly.
Hillary: I would sooner destroy a stained glass window than an artist like yourself. However, since I can’t have you go third party on me either… (sends him off to be Ambassador to Libya)
Hillary: Please understand I hold you in the highest respect. 9evil cackle)
Vote Clinton-she knows who her friends are.
Sounds like she means Dread Butt-Pirate Roberts…
Let’s make sure that Hillary’s candidacy is not mostly dead, but dead dead.
Vizzini: HE DIDN’T SCHLONGED? INCONCEIVABLE.
Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Inigo Montoya: His campaigns dead. He can’t win.
Miracle Max: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend’s campaign here is only MOSTLY dead. There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there’s usually only one thing you can do.
Inigo Montoya: What’s that?
Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for those phone numbers of big “fat cat” donors.
My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father’s country. Prepare to be deposed.
“I am not LEFT handed” – Ted Cruz
Have fun storming the college campus.
Never go against a U. S. Marine when death is on the line.
The Ancient Booer: Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescense.
Hillary: Hey, I resemble that remark, thank you, thank you very much.
Princess Bride: I’d like you to meet my wife, the other Princess Bride.
I do not envy you the headache you will have when you awake. But for now, rest well and dream of large ankled women.
Go through his clothes and look for loose change.
You’re trying to kidnap what I’ve rightfully stolen.
No one used this?
Hillary: “I’m qualified to be President.”
“She keeps using that word. We don’t think it means what she thinks it means but what difference, at this point, does it make?”
Campaign Team: Do whatever you have to do to win. Lie, cheat, tell people whatever they want to hear. Look as daily polls and modify your message accordingly. Don’t worry about discrepancies or hypocrisy, our friends in the press will cover for you. THIS IS THE WAY YOU WILL WIN!
Hillary: My way doesn’t seem very sporting.