I found a list called “The 25 most popular icebreaker questions based on four years of data“. So I’m gonna post a few, and see what happens.
Your mission: answer the question in the comments with a good story.
If you don’t have a good story, you are encouraged to make one up.
Have you returned anything you’ve purchased recently? Why?
I bought a dossier from the Clintons that was supposed to be “genuine”, but it turned out to have been typed using Microsoft Word’s default Times New Roman font, so I’m trying to get my money back.
I had to return my Russian Bride. Turned out she only married me to get me to vote for Trump.
Rimshot!
I returned my tendency to parrot — it was deceased.
I returned my faux Indian heritage, but it was no longer under Warrenteepee.
I returned Psycho II, but there were no re-Bates.
I’m thinking of returning my Excel software for false advertising.
I gave up WordPerfect for similar reasons.
I returned my puffy shirt. I thought the pirate look would be the next big thing.
I tried to return the “Return” key on my keyboard. The hipster on the phone thought I was returning it ironically. We got into a recursive loop. But I kept returning.
I’ve been trying for many years to return a boomerang.
(I will be truly ashamed if any of these were Steven Wright or Gary Larson jokes.)
To the tune of “Return to Sender”:
Some of the lyrics need assistance, but the idea is there….
. . . .
I gave a letter to the Post, man
Their Putin, their facts
Bright and early next morning
They brought a headline back
They wrote upon it:
“Return to Sessions
Redress unknown
No such numbnuts. Nobody home.”
We had no quarrel, no lover’s spat
I write a story, but my betters keep coming back.
So then I dropped the bathroom e-mailbox
Because of that special “D”
Bright and early next morning
McCain wrote back to me…
He wrote upon it:
“Return to Sessions
Redress unknown.
No such person, no such probe.”
This time I’m gonna take it my warrant
And put it right in her hand
And if it comes back the very next day
Then I’ll understand
The writing on The Wall:
“Return to Sessions
Blue dress? Unknown.
No such person, nobody moan.”
I’m lookin’ to you, Walrus . . . zzyzx . . .
Note to self, turn off computer camera.
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I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I’ve still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mashin’.
And I want to help you.
I return nothing. I take, and take, and take. I am the almighty government, and I purchase all on YOUR dime!
No, wait…I take that back…
I took a silk purse back…I found out it was made from a sow’s ear.
Once I took a six-pack of beer back…after it was empty.
I got nuthin’ – I did have to return a Lyman tumbler, it ran 15 minutes, the new one has worked for 2 hours so far…
I had to return a Death Star. Some sort of vent problem.
That’ll teach you not to buy those cheap Chinese Death Stars from Wal-Mart.
“Have You Returned Anything You’ve Purchased Recently? Why?”
If you have to ask what, you’d better not ask why.
— Hillary
Riiight! I heard she had to return her Capt. Video secret decoder ring…because the Russians hacked it.