If I were a supervillain plotting to starve billions of people, I’d have the government guarantee that everyone gets food.

“I was hacked!” was basically Lucius Malfoy’s excuse for being a Death Eater.

You know, if you don’t take everything so seriously, politics in the U.S. has been entertaining as hell lately.

What the country needs now are anti-satirists — people who extract seriousness out of all the hilarity going on.

I honestly don’t know a thing about Kanye. I understand he’s a musician, though I don’t any of his songs. I also know he’s married to a Kardashian… though I still don’t understand why I’ve heard about those people.
Someone once played me all of Kanye’s biggest hits and it was extremely frustrating as none of them rang a bell. I knew he was extremely famous, so it seemed like I should have encountered at least one of his songs. Hasn’t at least one been used for a commercial?

It has been determined that my only exposure to a Kanye West song is from a Weird Al Yankovic polka medley.
I’m feeling self-consciously white right now.

Can you imagine conservatives writing breathless editorials every time some vapid celebrity supported a Democrat?
Learn to chill like conservatives, left-wingers. Learn to chill.

In the whole run of Double Dare, how many times did anyone answer the question on the Double Dare? I think I only remember seeing that happen once.
It just seemed pointless to me as a kid. You already said you didn’t know the answer when you dared, so what’s the chance you’d suddenly know the answer when it was passed back to you?
The only time I think I saw it happen was strategic where it was a hard question they assumed the other team didn’t know so they dared it back and forth to increase the point value. Risky.

You can’t be both cultural tyrants and the counter culture.

Maybe if you had better, more thoughtful viewpoints you wouldn’t be so insecure when a vapid celebrity disagrees with your politics.

I really don’t understand all the talk about Joy Reid. I literally only know her as someone who says really dumb (I assume trollish?) things on Twitter to get hate retweets.

Trump’s superpower is that his awfulness causes everyone else to prove they’re even worse.

That Spotify keeps playing me ads for impotency drugs seems like a really mean commentary on the music I listen to.

Is there any college where if my kids said they needed a safe space, they’d just smack ’em and call them sissies? I would pay 100k for that.
ROTC still does that, right?

Do you want to be with the orange, obnoxious clown, or do you want to be with the red-eyed robots chanting, “CRUSH ALL OPPOSING VIEWPOINTS!!!”?
No. Those are the only two choices.

If Donald Trump has dragon energy, then the Democrats needs to counter with Fairy Energy. Anyone who’s played Pokemon can back me up on this.

The Bill Cosby thing is pretty sad. I’m of that generation where he epitomized what a dad was. This is like finding out that Mister Rogers is a serial killer.

If I were a rapper, I’d have my own line of throwing knives. How many rappers have their own line of throwing knives? Only me, the coolest rapper ever.
I bet some parents would then try to draw a connection between my music and an increase in throwing knife attacks, but correlation does not equal causation!
The only problem with this plan is I don’t particularly care for rap and I’ve never thrown a knife—as that seems dangerous for a number of different reasons.

My novel Sidequest: In Realms Ungoogled now has 33 reviews and everyone loves it… except the one guy who gave it only 3 stars. I hope bears attack him.
Everyone has a right to their own opinion, but some opinions deserve bear attacks.

My philosophy is that the only reason to make a character likable is so it’s devastating when you kill them. My children’s books did not sell well.

I really liked the paintball episodes of Community; should I see Avengers: Infinity War?

I went ahead and bought Jonah Goldberg’s Suicide of the West. Judging by the title, it better depressing me!
It’s been pretty fascinating so far. Reminds me a bit of Yuval Noah Harari’s Sapiens so far, though the crux seems to be quite different.

One thing Sapiens touched on (almost as an aside, as was its style) that I wonder if Suicide of the West will bring up is how Western liberalism rests on the Christian concept of a soul.
We like to think we’re a secular society now, but undergirding all our beliefs is an unprovable religious notion that at a fundamental level all people are equal and of immeasurable value. This is believed by even people who call themselves atheists.
What I wonder is how long a religious principle like equality can last when disconnected from an organized religion. It’s a counterintuitive notion that has to be taught to teach generation, but can a religious notion last without the foundation supporting it?

“I’m going to teach you to fish.”
“But we’re nowhere near water and you don’t look dressed for it…”
“This is called the ‘hook.’ You get the fish to bite it somehow. Try yelling at them, ‘Bite the hook, you fish cowards!'”

I think Trump should publicly praise the hero James Shaw Jr., but I also think most of the people hounding Trump for not doing it are just partisans who don’t care about Shaw beyond another thing to attack Trump over.

The see-no-evil stance on Alfie Evans by U.S. single-payer advocates is scary.
I’m honestly surprised the American left aren’t pointing to Alfie Evans and saying, “Single-payer in the U.S. would be nothing like that.”

I don’t like cities. I like wide open spaces where it’s easy to find parking wherever you go.

If you ever read any of Joy Reid’s tweets, she’s one of the most dishonest partisans imaginable. You’re either okay with dishonest partisans or you’re not; stop acting like this hacking nonsense changes anything.
I’m still just baffled anyone took her seriously in the first place. You can’t make fun of Sean Hannity and then say, “Joy Reid is an important addition to the debate.”

It’s offensive for people in the UK to pretend they have freedom of speech.

Private insurance can deny you coverage, but they can’t demand your child die and prevent you from getting treatment elsewhere. You need a government — an entity wielding force — for something that pernicious.
I hope the Alfie Evans incident is information in how supposed compassion (“We’re going to give everyone health care!”) turns to petty cruelty when combined with the state. Compassion and government don’t mix.
It’s baffling they wouldn’t let the Alfie Evan’s parents take him elsewhere at their own expense, but it does make it’s own twisted sense. When the state wields power over life and death, it can’t let anyone try and prove it wrong.

I’ve enjoyed every single Marvel Universe movie so far. Should I see Avengers: Infinity War?

There is nothing in the Alfie Evans case you need to know beyond that the parents wanted to treat their child and the government said, “No. You can’t treat him. He must die.” There is no medical opinion that makes that not evil.

Private Insurance:
“We won’t cover this treatment because [reasons].”
“I will find another way to get treatment.”
“Okay.”
UK Government
“We won’t cover this treatment because [reasons].”
“I will find another way to get treatment.”
“No. We will stop you. Your child must die.”

Suicide of the West is a bit heavier reading than I was expecting from the author of the G-File (thought there would be more Simpsons references by now), but it’s very fascinating.

In modern life, we were are blessed with many things that most people throughout human history lived without. When we decide we deserve those things and that government must guarantee them is when we will begin to lose them.

Why are people disagreeing with me? I double-checked, and everything I said was very right.

Rewatching Community. I forgot how clever even the earliest episodes were.
“So what makes ultimate frisbee ultimate?”
“If I had a nickel for every time I wished someone asked me that.”

“Bing bong singalong
Your team’s Al Gore ‘cause your views are wrong!”

I’m really curious what I’ll think of the gas leak season now that I’m so far removed from it. It felt like a dead show walking back when it aired.

At this point, someone could be executed live on stage at the WHCD and you still won’t trick me into reading about it.

Only white people can claim that things are cultural appropriation. Anyone else doing it is appropriating the culture of irritating white people.

I once used a katana to behead someone who insulted me and then was fined $200 for “cultural appropriation.”
I refused to pay.

Scientists predict that in the year 2050 people will finally get sick of Marvel movies.

I still haven’t bothered to find out what happened at the WHCD, but I’m absolutely sure everyone involved was horrible.

My daughter’s shining moment so far in coach-pitch softball. Kids are trouble, man.

If you give loyalty to either the Democrats or the Republicans to protect your rights, you’re a sucker.

Even more alarming, I hear that after Iran has lots of nukes they’re going to attempt to build an AR-15.

I really want to see Avengers: Infinity War, but I haven’t seen Black Panther yet. I know it’s dumb, but I feel like I wouldn’t get the full experience if I haven’t seen every other Marvel movie first.
Please space them out far enough that you can at least see the previous on video before the next comes out. Do you know how hard it is to get out to the theater when you have kids? I can’t do that twice within two months.

If you support either the Democrats or Republicans based on historic support of the abolition of slavery or the Civil Rights Act, you should probably update your stance based on some more current issues.

I don’t get how Kevin Williamson was this special danger that had to be squashed while the NYTs can celebrate an ideology that killed a hundred million and we correctly just roll our eyes at their stupidity.

Child poverty is rampant. Out of my three kids, none of them earn a living wage.