Happy Birthday Frank J.

• The J. stands for “Ward.”
   
• If you leave Frank J. alone and unattended with your cat, he will pee on your cat’s head.
   
• Donald Trump will pee on your cat’s head, even if he is not alone with it. You might think this isn’t really a Fun Fact about Frank J., but where do you think the president got the idea?
   
• Contrary to popular myth, Frank J. did not play Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation.
   
• He actually played Beverly Crusher.
   
• Frank J. came to Earth as a small child after being fired into space by his scientist parents from the doomed planet of Krypton.
   
• His parents didn’t know their planet was doomed. They just wanted to get rid of Frank J.
   
• In a fight between Frank J. and Aquaman, to everyone’s surprise, Aquaman wins because Frank J. can’t swim without water wings. Harvey gets the blog.
   
• Frank J. is the same age as Jack Benny. That’s why all the other bloggers at IMAO are based on characters from the Jack Benny Program.
   
• For instance, I’m based on Rochester.
   
• Frank J. regularly listens to classical music. His favorite classical pieces are “Kill Da Wabbitt” and the one where Bugs cuts Elmer’s hair.
   
• Frank J. is famous for his plan to Nuke The Moon. However, Project A119, an Air Force plan to nuke the moon was developed in 1958, and only one of the bloggers at IMAO was alive in 1958. I won’t say his name, but it rhymes with “dazzle.”
   
• Despite his gruff exterior, Frank J. really loves cute, cuddly kittens. With a hollandaise sauce.
   
• Frank J.’s Birthday is a national holiday. You can go ahead and take off work. It’ll be fine.
   
• Frank J. hates monkeys. There’s not a joke here. I figured at least one of these Fun Facts ought to be true.
   

Now that you know all that, you can celebrate Frank J.’s birthday in style.