What’s so especially Hillary Clinton is she’s a couple days late with the thoroughly debunked talking point.

Apple’s plan is to continually grow the iPhone and shrink the iPad until they’re just selling the same thing in both category hoping we don’t notice.

Pretty gutsy casting Norm Macdonald as the next Superman.

This many years later, I still can’t wrap my head around Norm Macdonald being fired from Weekend Update. That was one of the funniest things ever.

I was kicked out of the intellectual dark web for all my bright ideas.

Is there a German word for pride-shame? I tried to “actually” my 2yo when she said “Venus has clouds and volcanoes.”
“Venus is cloudy, but you might be thinking of Jupiter’s moon, Io. It has volcanoes.”
googles Venus; sees it has more volcanoes than any other planet
“Oh.”
I don’t understand how she knows things about science I didn’t teach her.
Anyway, she turned 3 this past weekend and had a planet party as she is currently obsessed with them.

I don’t get people breaking down in tears about Trump winning. Just think about Hillary losing to cheer you up.

I really don’t get how you can spend 100s of millions on these things and screw them up. And even a purple-butted baboon should be able to make money off of Batman and Superman.

The one question we never have to ask: What is Trump thinking right now?

President Leeroy Jenkins.

Iron Fist season 2 was fine. Strangely, I find Ward Meachum the most interesting character from that series just because you’re just never sure what he’s going to do in the end.
I do support a Daughters of the Dragon spinoff, but just because I like Misty. Colleen seems like a good pairing for Danny Rand because she’s mainly just there.
Anyway, I do have some hopes for Daredevil season 3 as I think Kingpin is back for that. What I’m mainly looking forward to, though, is more Punisher.

I don’t get the point of the police searching Botham Jean’s apartment other than to just make people more angry at them.

If they find any illegal contraband in Botham Jean’s apartment, you have to assume the officer planted it there. It’s certainly in her MO since we already know she’s a murderer.
Seriously, why are they searching the guy’s home except to make people even angrier.

Are you an even more bloated welfare state socialist or the type where I have to prepare to fight you same as I would a Nazi?

If the charge is Kavanaugh is some sort of predator, you’d expect some accusations from when he was in a position of power.
If that happens, then all bets are off.

It’s a boy!
Now we have to figure out a name. I’m thinking something tough like “Rock Punchington.”
Also, I’ve always been partial to “Zap Rowsdower.”

Four kids seems like a lot, but we have the minimum configuration where everyone gets a brother and a sister, i.e., the full sibling experience.

I’m going to teach my sons that the ideal masculinity is going as close to toxic masculinity as possible without going over the line.

It’s my youngest daughter’s third birthday. She’s obsessed with the planets (every evening I have to take her outside to say goodnight to whatever planets we can see), so we’re having a planet party. Now that’s a mom cake.
She is very pedantic that Pluto is a dwarf planet, but she loves it anyway.

I won’t watch any show unless there are multiple articles criticizing it for not being woke enough.

Socialists don’t like it when point out how they actually love capitalism.

When you hear “socialist,” many think of a violent state and millions oppressed and starving. But most “socialists” in the US are just harmless morons.

We have about as much chance of ending capitalism as we have of deciding this whole computers thing is just a fad.

Now, if I may weigh in on a contentious issue, I’m fine with just calling a planet any object in our solar system that’s achieved hydrostatic equilibrium (is rounded by its own gravity) but is not massive enough for nuclear fusion.
The current definition of a planet seems rather arbitrary and seems less significant as a science term than something to just direct general public interest, but it’s dumb to pay more attention to Mercury than to the even more fascinating Titan.
Also, it’s stupid to group worlds like Io and Europa with space garbage like S/2017 J 3 under some term like “moons of Jupiter”.
And it is idiotic that the fascinating Pluto and Charon get left out of kids books because they didn’t “clear the neighborhood.” Plus, its unbelievable almost no one has heard of Ceres which is a whole friggin’ planet between Mars and Jupiter.
Anyway, things in our solar system that have achieved hydrostatic equilibrium—that’s what we should pay attention to and kids should know the names of. We don’t have a great term for those now (planemos?), but I’m fine with just calling them planets.

Weren’t there only like two or three votes that weren’t absolutely determined before the Kavanaugh hearings? Why are we even bothering listening to the statements from the other senators?

There better be some solid evidence of wrongdoing before you subject the American people to more SCOTUS hearings.

On one side you have those belittling the accusation and on the other side you have those who already have convicted Kavanaugh, and they’re one in the same in that they don’t really care whether it’s true.

Does anyone not like Rage Against Machine? The music is great and the politics are adorable.

You know, I don’t trust a lot of these politicians.

I don’t get all the focus on Elon Musk being a huge a-hole on Twitter. There’s tons of a-holes on Twitter, but almost none make space rockets. Shouldn’t we gang up on the a-holes who don’t do anything useful first?

If everyone backed up their jerkery on Twitter with making space rockets or something else cool, what a great world we would have.
…though still irritating on Twitter.

I got some pushback on one of my tweets, so I’ll have to file it under “popular takes” instead of “extremely popular takes.”

I love how the best way to establish it takes place in the 90s is to have her crash land in a Blockbuster Video. #CaptainMarvel
Brie Larson seems too adorable to be believable as intimidating, but somehow Gal Gadot pulled it off, so we’ll see.

Usually I don’t like origin stories, but know who would be a great subject? Darth Vader.

I’m used to far-left and far-right grifters and think I understand what they’re all about, but it’s the centrist grifters that creep me out. It’s hard to believe they have an audience, but it’s apparently profitable.

The only interesting things in the Captain Marvel trailer were Blockbuster and her punching an old lady.

“Enough is enough! Believe all women!”
the pencil in Atticus Finch’s hand snaps

The reason Ted Cruz is up 9 points is because he has been spreading rumors his opponent is a Beto-male.

Ketchup: The Condiment for Babies

It’s fair to say none of the Democrats care whether the charges are true; they wanted to stop Kavanaugh regardless and only see it as a tool toward that. A handful of Republicans might care whether or not it’s true, but I might be being Pollyannaish.

Why do Democrats keep running statewide candidates like Wendy Davis and Beto who act like they’re running in some other state than Texas?

“I don’t think we should be selling AR-15s in this country.”
There’s more AR-15s in Texas than Democrats.

It wouldn’t take much for me to presume Kavanaugh is guilty—another witness or just one other allegation about Kavanaugh in the 35 years since—but if you are just assuming he’s guilty at this juncture, you are being a bad person.

An appointment to the Supreme Court is not something to take lightly. A future ruling could be on whether Bert and Ernie are gay.