The whole notion that cultural appropriation is a thing seems racist and stupid to me.

It would never in a millions years occur to me to look up who advertises on a show I don’t watch.

Reading The Right Stuff, and I got to a part that would be really scary if I hadn’t recently seen Chuck Yeager tweet.

I bet even Chuck Yeager couldn’t land on the aircraft carrier at the end of each level on Top Gun for NES.

“You know, no matter what happens, I get paid the same.” -me as President giving the State of the Union address

As I understand it, the main conflict in Hellboy is he wants to find his own path in life and not just work for his father’s condiment company.

You see, his name is “Hellboy” and the brand name for the most popular mayo looks like “Hellman” who would be Hellboy’s father.
It’s a quality jape.

Hey, car companies, could you stop with the “horsepower” nonsense? We get it. You win. Cars are a hundred times better than a horse. Now leave what’s left of the poor horse industry alone.

I’m fine with horsepower for garbage disposals, though.
“Wow! This one third as good as shoving this all down a horse’s throat!”

Tucker Carlson might be a racist, but if your reaction to speech you don’t like on a show you don’t even watch is to look up advertisers to force that person off the air, you’re not morally better than a racist.

“We would like to apologize. It’s come to our attention that our ‘$5 to Punch an Otter’ exhibit is problematic.”

Nothing is more pretentious than nihilism. It’s one of those things that people like to make arguments for to seem smart, but judging by people’s actions, is something no one actually believes.

Finally saw No Country for Old Men. I found it very well made and engrossing, but I didn’t quite get what it all added up to.

I find a tragic ending as just a cheap way of trying to appear deep. An earned happy ending is a much harder thing to pull off.

I think my favorite moving ending was the ending to The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. It was the perfect conclusion for each of the three characters.

The trailer for the Men in Black reboot looks exactly like what you’d expect for a Men in Black reboot which is another way of saying “meh.”

I don’t want a wall, but I also don’t want the government to be open. So I’m torn.

Despite you having to be careful about saying “Merry Christmas” out loud, it’s by far the most popular holiday. It’s very viral.

Why can’t we have a compromise between “Merry Christmas” and “Happy Holidays” like the British and say “Happy Christmas!”?

My son asked Santa for a “Zelda costume.” I’m pretty sure he meant a Link costume, but either way, I feel like I messed up somewhere.
Having to sit down with my own son and explain to him “Zelda is the girl” — I never thought it would come to that.
In fairness to my own son so he doesn’t one day say I slandered his video game knowledge, I think he meant “Zelda costume” as “That costume from the Zelda game.”

Praying for a speedy recovery for RBG, but going to make sure my bomb shelter is prepped just in case. Probably want a Faraday cage as well to make sure Twitter can’t reach me.

Technically, if Trump has an opportunity to put someone else in RBG’s seat, I should be happy with that because it probably means a SCOTUS I agree more with, yet the thought just fills me with existential dread.

I want to make fun of kids watching all those stupid YouTube stars, but one of my favorite things to watch are all the Red Letter Media videos.

Do parents actually get worried when their kids play around with toy guns? I’m just happy when it’s anything that doesn’t involve screens.

Man, we were all so worried what the wall would look like before we saw the giant steel slats with the spikes on top.

That Aquabro movie looks dumb but the actor playing him looks like he’s having a ton of fun. I would think looking legitimately excited to play Aquaman would make you the greatest actor ever.

Whatever happened to kids animated movies being G-rated? Even Disney movies these days are PG. Back when I was a kid, if an animated movie was rated PG, it was going to mentally scar you.
I’m thinking specifically of Wizards.

BTW, the original True Grit, 2001: A Space Odyssey, and Planet of the Apes were all rated G.

I never got Michelle Obama’s fashion sense, but I never criticized as my fashion sense is “all shirts go with a pair of jeans.”

Why would assume I know all the other reindeer but not the most famous one of all? That makes no sense.
Christmas is only one day; not twelve. And most of those things don’t even sound like gifts. Maids a milking? What in the world are you even talking about?
Who is Parson Brown? What kind of games are these kids playing?
Where exactly is Santa Claus Lane? Is it used throughout the rest of the year?
“What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight” You mean this song, right? How many other sleighing songs are there?

I just want to weigh in on this David Hogg thing and say I got a 1570 on the SATs just because I worked really hard on it back in the day but haven’t had a reason to bring it up in two decades.
I got a 1480 the first time and was happy with that, but my mom made me take it again and I somehow improved my math score from 710 to a perfect 800 which seems like quite a deviation.
I should note that even with a 1570, I didn’t even get in to MIT or Princeton and got wait-listed with Caltech.

My dad always said we he proudly told his father what he got on the SATs, his father responded, “Great! So what did you get on the other half?”

Arguing about whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie is a Christmas tradition.

Everyone is scared of a bear market on Wall Street, but have you ever thought of how terrifying a REAL bear market would be? A whole marketplace full of irritated bears for sale, all testing their cages. And the prices! I’m not paying THAT for a bear!

Something that always stuck with me was an interview with Jack Handey and the mention of the notion of pure comedy—jokes that are timeless and have no references to pop culture, current events, or politics. I’m not particularly good at that, but I find it an admirable goal.

Why would you even bother to have other Christmas music when you have Mannheim Steamroller?

Saw Spider-man: Into the Spiderverse with my kids and we all really enjoyed it. Only thing I didn’t understand is why Miles doesn’t have the same last name as his father.
Best answer I could find on the Googles is Miles is embarrassed to share his name with the musician Miles Davis… though his father apparently isn’t embarrassed to share his name with the president of the Confederacy.

pitching a movie or tv show these days
“So, the story takes place in 1984 and…”
“Sold!”

I’m plotting a heist to steal the queen’s gold piano. Who wants in?

I one of those people who only ever watched the first episode of Black Mirror so that’s my only impression of it.

“I’m just saying this so the previous thing I said would not be my last words as it was pretty bad.” #FamousLastWords

“They couldn’t hit elephants at this distance. Look; I can jump up and down and wave my arms and the snipers won’t—Ahh! I’m falling down a well!” #FamousLastWords

“They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist—Ahh! They shot an elephant and it fell on me!” #FamousLastWords

“I’m still Alex from the Bronx.”

I didn’t hear any of Louis CK’s act (I’m almost completely unfamiliar with his comedy), but pearl-clutching is always funny.

All comedy is problematic.

I pay more than my mortgage for health insurance, I shouldn’t have to call them to sort out every $40 flu shot claim.
This time, I had Walgreens run the new card I got just this week, but for some reason they said my insurance is only good through 2017. I don’t know who screwed up—Walgreens or United Healthcare, but why do we still have a system so prone to constant screwups?
Health insurance sure acts like a company the government forces you to buy.

Elizabeth Warren is running for president just to entertain us.

This might seem an odd criticism about a movie about the first man landing on the moon, but I didn’t really get what The First Man was supposed to be about.

Why are people still opposed to the wall? Didn’t they see the slats?

The best solution to climate change is to ignore it. It thrives on attention.

My advice for everyone in 2019 is the same advice I constantly give my kids: Stop whining!

The left are conceding freedom of speech, comedy, and due process to the right, but on the other hand, the right are also stuck with Trump.