51 Comments

  1. …having Mr. Burns release the hounds.

    …giant robots with spatulas.

    …hitching a ride with Sammy Hagar.

    …driving that train, high on cocaine.

    …switching their clocks to Tulsa time.

    …reminding people of the condition of San Francisco sidewalks.

    …grabbing the coattails of reporters when a MAGA hat siting is announced.

    • Specifically, a trail blazed by unicorns, lit by glowing rainbows, and dotted with magic mushrooms, leading to the Land of Hope and Change, where the buildings are all made with recycled materials and powered with the sun and the wind.

  2. … the magic bullet train.

    It’ll go right through the Democrat headlands, through the shoulder areas, and the outskirts, and then turn ninety degrees — in mid-air, mind you — and back and to the right. Back, and to the right.

  3. California is giving up on high speed rail. They’re replacing it with…

    Dom DeLuise: “From the top, boys:”


    High-speed fail!
    High-speed jail!
    And a little high-speed kale.

    High-speed bail!
    High-speed Braille!
    Unprotected sex with Airedales . . .

    High-speed snails!
    High-speed whales!
    From a Congress taught at Yale!

    High-ball? Cocktail?
    We’ll prevail!
    What’s the status of Conrail? . . .

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