Archive of entries posted on 28th September 2019

IMAO Time Machine: Better Than Sanctions

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Here’s one from 10 years ago this week by Harvey. — The Editors

Obama wants to implement tough new sanctions against Iran. Well, if this is his idea of “tough”, I suspect he may have lost more than one battle to the perforations on a roll of toilet paper.

Can't stop being Mahmoud's bitch

Can’t stop being Mahmoud’s bitch

Seriously, the best he could do is “we won’t sell them gasoline”? That’s not going to affect anything, since all the cars over there are made out of logs, have stone wheels, no floorboards, and are foot-propelled. It’d be more effective to stop selling them shoes.

And there’s no point in trying to negotiate with them, either. You make a statement like “we’re concerned that you might use your nuclear program to insta-glass Tel Aviv” and they just reply with random stupid nonsense like “the Holocaust never happened”. It’s like having a conversation with an iPod Shuffle.

Besides, how will our negotiators be able to make themselves heard over the crowd of American reporters flocking around Ahmadinejad, pestering him with “Can I have your autograph Mr. Starr? You’re my second-favorite living Beatle!”

History shows that sanctions & negotiations have all the long-term effectiveness of a U2 musical fund-raising concert. If we want to destroy the Iranian regime once and for all, we need a SERIOUS strategy.

I recommend something involving a fur coat, a hooker-looking white girl, and a secret videotape.

Scoff if you want, but consider this: ACORN is now such a pariah that the IRS refuses to associate with them for fear of becoming less popular, and the IRS recently lost a popularity contest to an untreatable, pus-crusted, blistery, genital rash.

If you’ve got a better idea for getting a choke-chain around Iran’s neck, I’m all ears.

Outclassed Onion (Song Parody)

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by Walrus & Oppo
[To the tune of The Beatles’ “Glass Onion”]

♩♩♪

I told you about a tawdry reveal
You know these days that nothing is real
Well here’s another farce they extoll
To fool all the Proles

Looking through some anonymous tips
To see if these new lies will live
Reality’s surpassed The Onion.

.

I told you about the walrus and me, man
You know, some things we can’t parody, man.
Making up another clue for you all
The walrus got stalled.

Standing while casting aspersions galore, yeah
The Grey Lady failing to make facts meet, yeah
Reality’s surpassed The Onion.

.

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah
Reality’s surpassed The Onion.

.

I told you ’bout those fools on the Hill
Man, they’re pushing impeachment still
Gonna remove him with (ins) urgency
But listen to me!

Ellipsing to create their story
Trying to make a liberal point, yeah
Reality’s surpassed The Onion.

♩♩♪

About Those Ads … Again

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Yeah, we talked about this before, but it’s been a few months and I wanted to check in on this.

I asked before about not using an ad blocker here on IMAO. We took some time — Harvey did most of it — going through the ads and ad services to ensure that we weren’t guilty of any intrusive or resource intensive ads. Just like you, we use the Internet and absolutely hate it when we can’t read a Website because of all the ads. And, just like you, we make a point to avoid those ads. Sometimes, that mean running an ad blocker extension or plugin on a browser, and sometimes it means just avoiding the Website altogether. Personally, I’ve gone with the latter route.

Our proposal was for you to turn the ad blocker off and you see if that hurt your enjoyment of the Website. And some of you responded. Most of it was positive, and we thank you.

But I wanted to ask again about the ads. Did you turn off the ad blocker, or add IMAO to the plugin’s white list? How did that go? Are the ads a problem? Do they slow down the loading of the Website? To they intrude on the Website? Did you need to turn the ad blocker back on for IMAO? Let us know how it’s going.

Mind you, we aren’t looking to do anything different. We’re not looking to ad more ads or anything. We also aren’t reducing them; we dropped one ad service already. No, we’re just asking how the experience is.

Let us know in the comments what you think. We appreciate it.

Dumb As a Box of Expensive, Useless, Misplaced Rocks

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These are the geniuses who keep voting for Nancy “Walls Don’t Work and Are Immoral” Pelosi.

San Francisco Neighbors Erect Boulders To Keep the Homeless Away
CNN | 9-25-19

A group of San Francisco neighbors came up with their own solution after they said the city wouldn’t help them with the local homeless and drug dealer population, according to CNN affiliate KGO: They put boulders on the sidewalks.

The group has been going to city meetings and filing reports with the city for six months, according to KGO, but they haven’t had any luck.
After a turf war one night, one of the residents told KGO the neighbors had had enough.

“It got to the point where everybody was just done,” the person told KGO. “People had knives and guns and people were out fighting, carrying on and waking up people in the neighborhood.”

Asking not to be identified, that resident told KGO a group of neighbors pitched in to buy 24 boulders that are now placed on their sidewalk to discourage the homeless from pitching tents.

•

Danielle, who said she wasn’t comfortable sharing her last name, lives a few blocks away and walks the area daily. She told CNN she thinks the neighbors could have focused their efforts on fighting for housing or on calls to city officials.

“I know the reality of homelessness and moving people from one sidewalk to another doesn’t solve it,” she said. “It’s as if the people who are for them have the attitude, ‘We want to be privileged’ not to deal with problem.”

The City of San Francisco doesn’t plan on removing the boulders. In fact, city spokeswoman Rachel Gordon told CNN officials are looking for ways to sanction them so they can remain in place.

CNN reached out to San Francisco’s Coalition for Homelessness but has not heard back.

Extraordinarily Heated Fall and Winter a Certainty…

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… due to the bonfire of inanities that will be kindled by liberals and — I mean, of — the press between now and February:

2020

February

February 3 (Monday)
•Iowa caucuses (D, R)

February 11 (Tuesday)
•New Hampshire primaries (D, R)

February 15 (Saturday)
•South Carolina primary (R)

February 22 (Saturday)
•Nevada caucus (D)

February 25 (Tuesday)
•Nevada caucus (R)

February 29 (Saturday)
•South Carolina primary (D)

March

March 3 (Super Tuesday):
•Alabama primaries (D, R)
•Alaska convention (R)
•American Samoa caucus (D)
•Arkansas primaries (D, R)
•California primaries (D, R)
•Colorado primaries (D, R)
•Massachusetts primaries (D, R)
•Minnesota primaries (D, R)
•Maine primaries
•North Carolina primaries (D, R)
•Oklahoma primaries (D, R)
•Tennessee primaries (D, R)
•Texas primaries (D, R)
•Utah primaries (D, R)
•Vermont primaries (D, R)
•Virginia primaries (D, R)
•Democrats Abroad primary (through March 10)

Slow Weekend

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It’s Saturday. But, you probably knew that already. Unless you were waking up a little groggy and thinking it was Friday. In which case you really know how to do Thursday night. I want to party with you.

Anyway, it’s Saturday. And I’m trying to decide what I want to do today. Georgia Southern has a game this evening, and I might drive over to Statesboro for that, but I probably won’t. I didn’t get season tickets this year. I tried to, but the Website wouldn’t let me buy two tickets next to each other, nor would it let me buy two tickets apart from each other. So, it wouldn’t let me buy two tickets. So I didn’t. If they fix their Website, I’ll buy tickets next year. This year, I’ll decide at the last minute and drive over if it’s not sold out. It won’t be sold out. And even if it is, I once went to a game where there were 7,725 more people than seats at that stadium, so I’ll be able to get in. But, like I said, I probably won’t go.

I could cut the grass. But I pay someone to do that.

I could wash dishes. There are a couple of things in the sink that need washing. And I will. Just not right now.

I could watch a movie. I might watch “The Fox and the Hound” or something.

Maybe I’ll watch some football. I see that happening. I could lazy around in my underwear watching football.

Georgia Southern is on ESPN+ tonight, and I subscribe during football season for this very reason. So, yeah, I’ll do that. But what will I do until then?

Alabama and Ole Miss are playing. That should be ugly.

Clemson is at North Carolina. Heck, North Carolina couldn’t beat Appalachian State last weekend, so that one will get ugly, and fast.

Mississippi State and Auburn is up against Georgia Southern’ game, so I’ll watch the end of that.

Not a whole lot of early games I care about.

Maybe I’ll watch the news. Just kidding.

Oh, wait. I remember what it was I needed to do today. I have to prepare for a Website upgrade. Making backups. Checking plugins. Ohhhhh.

*sigh*

What are you doing? Maybe I’ll come help with that. You got nachos or pizza, right?