18 Comments

  1. A friend of mine decided in high school that he wanted to get into the Guinness book of records. He figured his best bet was to make the biggest ball of tape. For years we watched that tape ball grow at different rates depending on his access to rolls of tape and his willingness to add to it. For Christmas and his birthday we just got him rolls of tape.

    Eventually he contacted Guinness and learned that he did indeed have the biggest tape ball, according to Guinness. However they told him that it wasn’t big enough. That as soon as it was recorded there would be someone who would break the record in no time because… they could. People apparently watch for those kind of breakable records.

    Anyway in years since the tape ball has been thrown out of moving cars, dropped from 8 story buildings, smashed old television sets, and crushed cans of beans and tomato paste in two different states, among other exploits.

    He didn’t add too much to it since he got married and had kids. The legendary tape ball is still out there though…

    Collecting dust in his garage, probably.

  2. Listen and understand. Tape balls are out there. They can’t be bargained with, they can’t be reasoned with. They don’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear, and they absolutely will not stop. Ever.

    [/terminator reference]

  3. I would feel guilty if I did not tell you that I got the idea for the Tape Ball from my Nebraskan buddy when I was back in college. Once he planted the seed for it in my brain, I took it and ran hog-wild with it. Rihar has witnessed its progression through the years. Harvolson, I’m glad you got a taste of what power a tape ball can unleash, but your friends have quite a way to go before they are a challenge to mine. Oppo, you got me laughing with suggesting the Tape Ball serve as the Defender of Earth when the SMOD arrives. When the time comes, I will do my duty and offer the services of the Tape Ball. Rihar was very close to the truth: It is not in my garage, but just inside the door from the garage, patiently waiting for another layer of tape, and therefore, another layer of doom and destruction for all who would oppose it. I still have my rejection letter from the people at Guinness, as it serves as motivation to one day be avenged as I unleash the full fury of the Tape Ball. Many half-hearted, malleable imitations have been started, but their hopes have been smashed upon the rock-solid Orb of Might. Perhaps one day, you too will have the honor of placing a single piece of tape upon it, and have everlasting satisfaction of being able to tell your grandchildren that you helped make a part of history.

  4. Pingback: IMAO: Giant Tape Ball Update

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