Advise them to make sure they have the coveted, rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, a**-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists vote locked up. Remember as they go, so goes the rest of the electorate.
Wander around the stage during the next debate, muttering under your breath and randomly engaging stage hands with various physical challenges – the people love that…
Have Biden remind the American people how unfair and dangerous an act was the killing of that great patriot and Democrat Qasem Soleimani. After all if Trump can kill him, imagine what he can do to you!
Hamsters don’t ride the subway because elbow macaroni. Anyhow, blue arranges the promenade at dawn, while Wednesday. Suffice it to say poppycock, Harold, I’m going in.
Tell them Biden should promise tax cuts, an end to Obamacare, to build border wall, increase oil production, and reduce regulation. It’s just crazy enough to work.
Show that you can be a no-nonsense law and order candidate- announce that, as a result of his behavior, you have sent Hunter to his room without any supper.
Tell ’em that Joe needs to tell more stories about all the stuff Obama did to get the job done.
Like when he sold guns to Mexican gangs so he could scream about guns in the hands of Mexican gangsters so he could take my guns.
Stories like that would really help!
Advise them that the Beto approach (wander around the country, finding yourself) just needs the right candidate to totally exploit…
Ease up on the pain! Just camp.
Double down on getting your candidate uncomfortably close to the next-generation electorate…
Try getting a commercial tie-in with Corn Pops…
I was thinking they could re-launch the discontinued shampoo brand, Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific.
Make sure they touch each of the fifty seven states.
Just to be safe, declare that you believe Epstein killed himself…
Don’t forget that Montana may be getting another electoral vote.
Concentrate on planking.
When in danger
or in doubt
run in circles
scream and shout.
Sniff the hair of more women.
….first, build a large wooden badger….
Challenge the Vicious Chicken of Bristol to a duel.
…at the next debate, lunge at the other candidates screaming, “LEEROY JENKINS!”
….get in touch with your feminine side…. then for God’s sake, stop touching it.
Keep up the leg hair petting and Corn Pop stories. Those are winners.
What should you say?
Whatever Neil Kinnock said recently.
Post a picture with all your grandchildren. Even the one with Hunter’s stripper.
Advise them to make sure they have the coveted, rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, a**-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists vote locked up. Remember as they go, so goes the rest of the electorate.
Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice.
Pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
End all you speeches with.
“Biden just pawn in game of life.”
The “Pull My Finger” gag is always a winner.
Wander around the stage during the next debate, muttering under your breath and randomly engaging stage hands with various physical challenges – the people love that…
… socks first, then shoes.
Have Biden remind the American people how unfair and dangerous an act was the killing of that great patriot and Democrat Qasem Soleimani. After all if Trump can kill him, imagine what he can do to you!
Treat it like a Big ……… Deal!
The campaign responded that they don’t understand Morse Code.
I’m not saying he should exploit the alien vote…. but he should exploit the alien vote.
Hamsters don’t ride the subway because elbow macaroni. Anyhow, blue arranges the promenade at dawn, while Wednesday. Suffice it to say poppycock, Harold, I’m going in.
HARRUMPH!
Add a laugh track
The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers
….switch to Folger’s Crystals.
How would you know if he did?
Devise a way to deal with those meddling kids…
…and their dog.
PROFESSOR HYDE-WHITE!!?!
…you can never go wrong with more cowbell.
Don’t crush that dwarf. Hand me the pliers.
Rocky Rococo approves of the above post.
At the dem convention, have Joe do a Michigan J. Frog. That will wow the crowd.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evgEJlOPoeo
Order a large white flag
Recommend they use an entrance song for every event. I Touch Myself by Devinyls would be a great choice.
How about Lou Reed’s Walk on the Wild Side? Have to appeal to the gender-flexible crowd.
Maybe another Devinyls song could work: Human On The Inside.
Maybe that’s a stretch.
Dare to Be Stupid, Weird Al.
He’d get Basil’s vote.
Prepare three envelopes….
Give Biden a catchy nickname, like Lackluster B.
Lie about your Indian ancestry
Take a clue from Cory Booker.
Put lighting on the sign on the moon.
Tell them Biden should promise tax cuts, an end to Obamacare, to build border wall, increase oil production, and reduce regulation. It’s just crazy enough to work.
Ditch that campaign bus for something much more on brand for you– a rusty 1992 Chevy Van.
Show that you can be a no-nonsense law and order candidate- announce that, as a result of his behavior, you have sent Hunter to his room without any supper.
And if his conduct doesn’t improve, you will be taking away his crack pipe.
One word: Plastics.
“Please deposit 50 cents for one minute and 25 cents for each subsequent minute.”
Tell them you need a purchase order number or a credit card number.
Biden’s staff just called for advice on his campaign. What should I say? Tell them you’re going to vote for Trump and then hang up on ‘um!
The correct response is, “Nah, you’re on your own, man!”
Tell ’em that Joe needs to tell more stories about all the stuff Obama did to get the job done.
Like when he sold guns to Mexican gangs so he could scream about guns in the hands of Mexican gangsters so he could take my guns.
Stories like that would really help!
…or like that time he sent two pallet loads of cash to the Ayatollah of Rocknrolla.
Balls to the wall…..
But line up with the glory hole first.
“Speak into the phone Joe, I can’t hear you when you’re talking into your shoe.”
Get twenty years younger, shave your head, read and the constitution and explain how your administration will follow it.