Wednesday Night Open Thread

Some artists only have one really big hit. 21-year-old Claudine Clark had her only chart hit in 1962 with “Party Lights,” which peaked at number 5 in September of that year. She wrote the song, which should have helped by getting both artist and songwriter royalties — the song was recorded by other artists over the years. I gotta wonder if the little girl from Macon, Georgia got a good contract from the record people in Philadelphia and New York. I hope so.

[The YouTube]

What’s been on your mind? Got something you’d like to share? A topic to discuss? It’s Wednesday Night Open Thread.

Who wants to start?

IMAO Time Machine: Fun Facts About the 50 States: New York

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors


Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, we’re taking a trip to the state that habitually refers to Canada as “our neighbor to the west” – New York. So let’s get started…


New York state flag
You should’ve seen the look on the flag committee’s face after someone pointed out to them that they’d just approved a design that included a smiley face on the sun.
  • New York became the 11th state on July 26th, 1788 and was originally called New Amsterdam. Before the final name change, it was variously known as Not New Jersey, Whaddyalookinat, and Hookerland.
  • New York City’s most famous landmark, the Statue of Liberty, is constructed out of copper and eventually turned green due to pollution from coal burning factories. If you scraped off the corrosion, you’d find that the statue was actually pink, completely naked, and originally titled “The Statue of Yowza!”
  • Vassar College, in Poughkeepsie, New York, was originally founded as a women’s college in 1861. Its motto is “Where women go to feel smart between evenings of drunken table dancing.”
  • The 1969, the Woodstock Music Festival was held on Max Yasgur’s farm in Bethel, New York. It reportedly took Mr. Yasgur over 2 years to get that hippie smell out of his manure pit.
  • Dairy farming is New York’s #1 agricultural activity. The state’s 18,000 dairy farms have a milk-producing capacity nearly that of Dolly Parton.
  • In 1807, the world’s first steamboat, the Clermont, made its maiden voyage between New York City and Albany. It was during this trip that the phrase “are we there, yet?” was first coined.
  • The state tree of New York is the billboard
  • In 1899, the Kosher wine industry was started by Sam Shapiro in New York City. Before that, Jews drank nothing but the fermented blood of Palestinian babies. Or so I’ve heard.
  • New York City has 722 miles of subway track. Most of it heavily stained with wino vomit.
  • “Wizard of Oz” author L. Frank Baum was born in Chittenago, New York. His famous tale was loosely based on the lives of Al and Tipper Gore, as most great American stories are.
  • The New York Post – founded in 1803 by Alexander Hamilton – is America’s oldest continually-published newspaper. Its first headline was “Jefferson Has No Exit Strategy For Barbary Coast Pirate Quagmire.”
  • John Babcock of New York City invented the stationary rowing machine in 1869 as a less-smelly alternative to the then-popular exercise fad of riding a dead horse.
  • The first railroad in America ran the 11 miles between Albany and Schenectady, NY. The slow, primitive train ride carried few passengers, since riding a dead horse between the towns was nearly as fast.
  • New York City was the first capital of the United States. George Washington took his oath of office there in 1789, beginning the city’s long and cherished tradition of gullibly trusting lying politicians.
  • Every November, New York City’s Empire State Building plays host to the Boy Scouts’ annual Urban Camp-out, allowing scouts to earn the elusive Drunk Rolling and Crack Procurement merit badges.
  • During the war of 1812, meatpacker Sam Wilson of Troy, New York, stamped “U.S. Beef” on the products he sent to the troops. This was popularly interpreted as – and began the legend of – Uncle Sam, although the letters actually stood for “urine soaked.”
  • Don’t make that face at me. Urine contains a plethora of natural preservatives.
  • Actor Humphrey Bogart was born in New York City in 1899. Little known fact – in the movie “Casablanca,” he never said “Play it again, Sam.” What he actually said was “AOL sends spam,” one of the most prescient lines in cinematic history.
  • Jell-O was invented in Rochester, New York in 1897. Mostly as a way to help dispose of the mountains of dead horses that people didn’t ride any more.
  • Marshmallows were also invented in Rochester. They stopped being manufactured there in 1984 after the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man destroyed the city.
  • For obvious reasons, bumper-to-bumper warranties for cars sold in New York City do NOT cover the horn.
  • Gennaro Lombardi opened America’s first pizzeria in New York City in 1895. Slices of the original pie are still being sold there today, or at least that’s what it tastes like.
  • Locals don’t complain about it, though, since New Yorkers wouldn’t know good pizza if it jumped up and stuffed their noses full of pepperoni.
  • On July 28th, 1945, a B-25 bomber crashed into the 79th floor of the Empire State Building. The pilot wasn’t Muslim, just really stupid, which isn’t technically the same thing.
  • Joseph C. Gayetty of New York City introduced toilet paper to the world in 1857, causing sales of The New York Times to plummet.
  • Camera inventor George Eastman was born in Waterville, NY in 1854. His device was second only to the creation of the internet in revolutionizing the pornography industry.
  • New York was the first state to require license plates on automobiles, which featured the motto, “Get out of my way, jackass!”
  • Famed for his numerous, heartwarming Saturday Evening Post covers, painter Norman Rockwell was born in New York City. The secret to his technique was looking out the window of his Hell’s Kitchen apartment and then painting the exact opposite of what he saw.
  • New York City is world-famous for its cultural diversity. While walking even a single block, a tourist can expect to be cursed at in over 40 different languages.
  • Contrary to the popular myth, local Indians did NOT sell the island of Manhattan for $24 worth of beads and trinkets. It was actually lost during an inexplicable run of bad luck at a Coney Island sidewalk game of 3-Card-Monte.

That wraps up the New York edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be stuck to the floor by the tar on our heels as we visit North Carolina.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go earn some merit badges.


[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

Straight Line of the Day: Painting Dogs Apparently Works. How Else Can We Fool Monkeys?

India Farmer Paints Dog To Look Like Tiger To Protect Coffee Crop From Monkeys: Report
Fox News | December 4, 2019 | Robert Geart

Monkeys in India apparently can’t tell a tiger from a dog made to look like a tiger — or at least that is what one farmer claims.

The farmer, identified as Srikanth Gowda, said he has been able to protect his coffee crop from monkeys by painting his pet dog Bulbul with black stripes, an Indian news outlet reports.

Straight Line of the Day: Painting dogs apparently works. How else can we fool monkeys?


Random Thoughts: Socialism and the Electoral College

I don’t have to worry about my job being replaced by robots because I do one thing robots can’t: be a really cool dude.

There are two types of socialism: The totalitarian, seize the means of production one that everyone should be willing to grab a gun to fight and the Scandinavian one which is more a parasite on capitalism and its success is based on not making the host too sick.

Weirdly, what a lot of people mean by “socialism” these days is “I want the government to guarantee me all the fruits of capitalism.”

If I have to choose between dumb, unserious plans made by idiots, a $22 billion plan to build a stupid wall does sound more appealing than a $54 trillion plan to further ruin health care.

Funny seeing conservatives react to how Bernie Sanders has been treated despite him being like a Commie. We all know the sting of unfair media bias.

People are like “Can a woman win the presidency?” and I’m like “Of course a woman can win the presidency” and they’re like “Really? Of the United States?” and I’m like, “Oh. I didn’t know we were talking about the U.S. No. Never. No girls allowed.”

Is there any scientific explanation for why they keep remaking Doctor Dolittle?

A lady James Bond? Come on.
“Do you expect me to talk, Goldfinger?”
“I was kind of hoping you’d finally shut up.”
“No! We’re talking!”

For voting for convicted felons, I fall back on that, for clarity, I think it’s useful to tie voting rights and gun rights. Whenever you’re ready to let him have a gun again, he can vote.
And I think all rights should be restored when you’ve served your time.

Know who deserves their money less than a billionaire? A career politician who is a millionaire like Bernie Sanders.

If I were a supervillain who wanted to starve billions, I’d lobby for government to declare food a right.

“Feeding people is too important to leave in the hands of greedy capitalists. Government needs to guarantee food for everyone.”
“You make a good point… but why are you in colorful spandex with a skull-shaped mask?”
“I’m just a concerned citizen named Dr. Destructo.”

It’s starting to feel like if you didn’t change any of the Nazis’s tactics but hand-waved them to be about “stopping racists,” the far left would be all on board.

What’s rap in favor of gun control going to sound like?
“I’m going to grab a Glock and kill a pig… unless sensible gun control makes legally purchasing it through a gun dealer prohibitive.”

Space Force camouflage should be black with white dots.
“Do you see anything to stop our evil, fellow Space Commie?”
“Just the blackness of space and stars… Wait! It’s SPACE FORCE!!!”

The Women’s March always seemed to me to be “We’re Democrats who don’t like Republicans but we’re trying to pretend we’re something more significant than that.”

Sounds like this gun rights rally could cause as much violence as the Joker movie.

MY BRAIN: “Crandalorian!”
ME: “Wha… what is that?”
MY BRAIN: “It’s like a promotional juice box for The Mandalorain.”
ME: “I can’t do anything with that. Stop obsessing on stupid puns I can’t do anything with.”
MY BRAIN: “Hatler!”

Any endorsement of Elizabeth Warren that doesn’t start with, “Sure, she’s a liar and a huge phony…” feels like a used car salesman trying to pull one over on you.

One of the amazing things in America is there are a group of people known for being armed and what they’re mainly feared for is that they vote.

Anyone who turns against gun rights because they’re scary will turn against all your other rights.
Because they’re all scary.

You essentially have two options with guns: Everyone gets guns or some people amass lots of guns and use the the threat of them to try and keep other people from having guns.

The only way realistically to get rid of the electoral college would be to secede and start your own country.

When the Founding Fathers made the electoral college, did they understand that one day idiots would be confused when it worked exactly as intended?

Was trying to give my 4yo an easy Bible question to make sure she got one.
“So does one of the Ten Commandments say you should murder or not murder.”
“Murder.”

I really love the calculator Windows comes with. Programmer mode is so so useful.

I pronounce all “silent” letters. If you don’t want me to pronounce them, don’t put them in there. Simple.

If you don’t like talking to people, don’t wear a Baby Yoda tshirt.

I wonder if we’re going to see a surge in Christian humor as Christians are becoming more the counter-culture and the left are focusing more on enforcing conformity.

The only way Hillary can clear her good name is to run for president again.

Don’t Give Them Any Ideas

Netflix is changing how it counts views.

If you’re like me, you thought, “So what?”

Actually, that’s not what I thought, but I’m just trying to be like you. I actually saw that and thought “Those sneaky bastards.”

Netflix hasn’t shared what constituted a “view” in the past, but now they are saying that they’ve changed the requirement for something playing on your screen to be considered a “view” and it’s two minutes.

Think about that for a second. Netflix changed something about their apps and Website a while back. They’ll automatically start playing content if you hang on it for more than 2-3 seconds. That’s irritating enough in that it starts playing something while you’re trying to read about it, before you make up your mind if you want to see it. They’re like some annoying salesman that won’t leave you alone. Which means that although the content is Walmart, the sales crew isn’t.

Now, they’re going to count two minutes on the video as a “view” of that video. And it’s all about the views.

The more views, the more Netflix can claim viewers, and the more money Netflix can make. And it does make a difference.

The series “Our Planet” got 33-million viewers. But, under the new metrics, the number suddenly jumps to 45-million, according to MarketWatch.

Wait until the Democrats find out. They’ll find a way to get touch screen ballots to count votes their way. “The voter had the Democrat candidate on their screen for 2.5 seconds, so that counts as a vote for the Democrat.” And then people marching in the streets to demand that votes to changed to count that way.

Netflix: going to hell for years, and finding ways to take you with them.