With apologies to Monty Python.
Tourist (Terry Jones): Good afternoon.
Shepherd (Graham Chapman): Afternoon
Tourist: Ah, lovely day isn’t it?
Shepherd: Ar, ’tis that.
Tourist: Are you here on holiday or…?
Shepherd: No, no, I live ‘ere.
Tourist: Oh, jolly good. I say, those ARE cats aren’t they?
Shepherd: Yeh.
Tourist: Yes yes, I though so. Only, why are they up in the trees?
Shepherd: A fair question and one that in recent weeks ‘as been much on my mind. It’s my considered opinion that they’re nestin’.
Tourist: Nesting?
Shepherd: Aye.
Tourist: Like birds?
Shepherd: Exactly. Birds is the key to the whole problem. It’s my belief that these cats are laborin’ under the misapprehension that they’re birds. Observe their behavior. Take for a start the cats’ tendency to ‘op about the field on their back legs. Now witness their attempts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as… plummet. (meow, meow… flap flap… thud.) Observe for example that female cat in that oak tree. She is clearly trying to teach her kitten to fly. (meow… thud) Talk about the blind leading the blind.
Tourist: Yes, but why do they think they’re birds?
Shepherd: Another fair question. One thing is for sure, the cat is not a creature of the air. They have enormous difficulty in the comparatively simple act of perchin’. (Meow meow… flap flap… thud.) As you see. As for flight its body is totally unadapted to the problems of aviation. Trouble is, cats are very stubborn. Once they get an idea in their ‘eads, there’s no shiftin’ it.
Tourist: But where did they get the idea from?
Shepherd: From Harold. He’s that cat over there under the elm. He’s that most dangerous of animals, a clever cat. He’s the ring leader. He has realized that a cat’s life consists of trying to please humans, and that’s a depressing prospect for an ambitious cat. He’s patently hit on the idea of escape.
Tourist: Well why don’t you just get rid of Harold?
Shepherd: Because of the enormous Youtube video possibilities that will get monetized.
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