President Trump being removed from office is fine. Him being re-elected and serving another term is also fine. I’m not pretending either one will lead to great change in our ailing political system.
Here’s some of my favorite lines from Rise of the Skywalker:
“This new Death Star will be twice as big as the one that was twice as big making it DOUBLE TWICE AS BIG!”
“Looks like we got ourselves some wars up here in the stars… some real STAR WARS.”
“That’s how we’re gonna win. Not by fighting what we hate. But saving what we love.”
“Stop saying that or I’ll fight you because I hate you.”
“Why are you tweeting trollish things as Luke?”
“I’m trying to get a RISE OF THE SKYWALKER.”
“But he’s dead.”
“He took everything from us! Our hopes! Our dreams!”
“Emperor Palpatine?”
“No, Rian Johnson.”
“I’m Poe Dameron, cocky, hot shot pilot. Anyone have anything for me to do? No? I’ll just stand around and wait, then.”
“What are you going to do now, General Leia?”
“I have to go now. My planet needs me.”
“But your planet was blown up.”
NOTE: Leia died on the way back to her home planet
“Okay, Bernie. Here’s a marshmallow. If you can resist eating it now, you’ll get a second one in 10 minutes.”
immediately scarfs up the marshmallow
“I want another one.”
“You can’t because you ate that one now.”
shakes fist in the air
“Billionaires!”
The Last Jedi fixed Star Wars like Obamacare fixed health care.
Trump’s been impeached. Hopefully that will motivate him to take a hard look at himself and figure out why he’s just so awesome that everyone can’t stop hating on him.
So much of the cultural stuff now is people running around yelling “Two plus two equals five!” and regular people deciding whether it’s worth the headache to say, “No. That’s stupid.”
“As long as they’re not teaching my kids math, whatever.”
Biological sex is something religious fundamentalists made up in the 1950s.
Maybe I don’t understand impeachment but when does Merrick Garland become president?
Nothing I love more than hearing millionaires complain about billionaires.
One of the important thing billionaires do is get useless people to obsess about them instead of some other dumb thing.
If I were a billionaire, I’d tweet that biological sex is a real thing and watch the world tear itself apart.
As terrible as Trump is, you’d think it would be easy to be a critic of his and not be worse than him, but apparently that’s very hard.
goes to cancel Humble Monthly subscription
“I literally have 300 unplayed Steam games and about an hour of game playing time a week.”
“We’ll give you $3 off if you stay.”
“Well, I’d be stupid not to.”
Star Wars Episode VII: Here’s a Bunch of New Plot Threads
Star Wars Episode VIII: Those Plot Threads Are Dumb
Star Wars Episode IX: No, You’re Dumb
A version of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” where the threats about figgy pudding become increasingly detailed and violent.
“The cops won’t be in time to save you!
The cops won’t be in time to save you!
The cops won’t be in time to save you!
So do as we say!”
John says “God is love.”
It’s interesting to think that God’s central power is one accessible to us.
I think it was a good idea for Disney to do Star Wars stand-alone movies, but the problem was they accidentally labeled one “Episode VIII.”
Disney+ should add an “Are you sure?” prompt when anyone attempts to play one of the Star Wars prequels.
“Rose, are you going to come with us?”
“No, General Leia says I need to stay here to study Star Destroyer specs and I have to wear a soundproof bag over my head so I can be neither seen nor heard.”
“Yeah, that’s probably for the best.”
Rose had way too much screen time in Rise of the Skywalker. They should have killed her off in the opening crawl. Should have just added to the end: “BTW, Tico Rose fell down the stairs and died. It was a while ago, so no one is going to mention it.”
I was actually rather indifferent to Rose in TLJ except for that last part where she rams Finn and gives a speech about love. That was one of the worst things in all of Star Wars. It was like a rejected line from the Holiday Special.
To be honest, even when I thought Little Women was part of the “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids” universe, I still wasn’t that interested in seeing it.
Watched Ford v Ferrari which is about the rivalry of Henry Ford and Enzo Ferrari and how they decided to settle who was the best car maker with a no-holds-barred cage match. Essentially, it’s the story of the invention of the piledriver.
“It’s like the plot from Cats, but instead of being about cats, it’s about little women.” -pitch for Little Women
“Market research for our Women movie is really positive. The main complaint is that regular-sized women are kind of intimidating. If we can find a fix for that, I think we have a hit on our hands.” -brainstorm that eventually led to the movie Little Women
Palpatine is always saying “Give into your hatred and strike me down!” which is a total trap. Me, I’d kill Palpatine with my lightsaber, but I’d kind of shrug as I did it. See, I’m not giving into my hatred; I don’t even really care.
Nice how The Mandalorian has given us two ways to abruptly end a conversation: “I have spoken” and “This is the way.” The second seems more polite as it involves an implicit agreement between both sides.
I assume season 2 of The Mandalorian will introduce Baby Yoda’s arch-nemesis, Baby Palpatine.
“The attempt to make me take a nap has left me scarred and deformed.”
“Spank me, and your journey to the dark side will be complete.”
“UNLIMITED CANDY!”
The most intellectually rigorous writers on the other side are the ones who most agree with me.
spends a century in conflict so your kids don’t have to deal with nazism or communism
KIDS: “Look at these brand new ideas we’ve never heard of, nazism and communism!”
If people want to defend themselves with guns, it’s extremely tyrannical to threaten government force to prevent that.
Everyone believes a good guy with a gun can stop a bad guy with a gun and it’s dumb anyone pretends that’s controversial. If anyone disbelieved it, anti-gun people would start by trying to disarm the government.
Anyone who get scared about you having a gun will get scared at you exercising your other rights as well.
It’s extremely dumb to ban guns from a place unless you’re going to enforce that ban with metal detectors and armed security.
I had completely forgotten about the part of Benghazi where the Obama administration lied to us and told us it was because of some YouTube video no one saw.
The 00’s and 10’s don’t seem to me like distinct decades in the ways the 80’s and 90’s are.
I saw Little Women. It was well done, but I got confused by the time jumps and just a bit bored by the — I don’t know how you say this — lack of Die Hard-ness… if you get my meaning.
I mean, the Civil War was going on, but there wasn’t one action sequence. Who wrote that?
Democrats say they want to stop people from shooting up a church but they’ll settle for disarming Jack Wilson.
If Iranians don’t want to lose their supreme commanders, maybe keep them in Irania.
I remember seeing the pilot to The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and thinking “Wow! How is she going to start her stand up comedian career while being a single mother taking care of two kids?” Ends up, step one was forget she has kids.
It’s kinda funny thinking of a bunch of Millennials getting drafted to fight a war.
That’s another comedy premise, like Donald Trump being elected president.
I didn’t know Soleimani and he didn’t owe me money so I’m kind of neutral on this whole thing.
The problem with chanting “Death to America!” every day is how do you up the ante when America blows up your general? “Death to America… and we mean it this time! Totally not perfunctory!”
So on the scale of “millions will die,” is Trump blowing up that general as bad as ending Net Neutrality or is it as bad as the tax cuts?
I’m reading this parenting book that’s all about validating your kids’ feelings and I’m like if this is what it takes to get kids to behave, it ain’t even worth it.
“Here’s a little life lesson, boy: Ain’t nobody care bout your feelings, so learn to get over yourself.”
My national security doubts about the Soleimani killing are failing to persuade. So as a farm boy let me offer a different analogy. Growing up, we’d catch badgers in a sack. I hated them but I learned that sticking my face in the sack and yelling at them makes the problems worse.
Now, I wasn’t a very good farmer. I could never help with the crops because of all my badger related injuries.
The others would say to me, “Can’t you just leave the badgers alone?”
And I’d say, “No. Because they started this. They started this by being badgers.”
So I decided to try something new and got a sledgehammer. It’s not easy to hit a squirming sack full of badgers, though. I accidentally just tore the bag and they got out. And they were mad.
Long story short, the farm went bankrupt and I had to learn to code. Anyway, I hope this all clarifies how we should handle Iran.
Little baby Winchester has learned to fake laugh and does it all the time now. It feels like I’m part of some really early Joker origin story.
Star Wars Episode I is so bizarre. The humor seems like it’s aimed at 4 year olds, but the prominent words in the first paragraph of the opening crawl are “taxation” and “trade routes.”
I hope Hollywood can survive being told exactly what everyone thinks of them.
I liked the Mr. Rogers movie, but it was distracting that I kept seeing shades of David S. Pumpkins in Tom Hanks’s portrayal of Fred Rogers.
But no WWIII means Trump wins.
As an important influencer with a blue check mark, I think one of the most important services Twitter can provide is protecting us from the opinions of people without blue check marks.
I know Tom Steyer and Mike Bloomberg are unlikely to win, but the most hilarious outcome of the Democratic primary would be Bernie Sanders losing to a billionaire.
Did Paul Krugman really win a Nobel Prize? He just seems like the sort of guy who regularly gets tricked by squirrels.
Oh, he won a Nobel Memorial Prize.
I’ve watched 3 seasons of The Crown and I still don’t understand in the slightest what’s going on with this whole Meghan Markle business.
I think delaying the impeachment really taught Trump a lesson. He’ll probably be a very good president from here on.
It’s good to get a living wage. The worst is a kill-you-instantly wage. As soon as you get your paycheck, you drop dead.
I think Democrats can ride “It’s Trump fault Iran accidentally shot down an airplane since Trump killed that terrorist” all the way to the White House in 2020.
My 6yo son’s commentary on Jar Jar: “That frog never helps anyone.”
My 6yo son’s commentary on The Last Jedi: “Luke is mean.”
I think the best acted parts of The Irishman were the parts where they were acting like they were very old. Quite convincing.
My favorite part of The Two Popes where was the one guy exclaimed, “I’m seeing double… four popes!”
The Two Popes is the sort of movie that can only get made with a company like Netflix who gives directors a lot of freedom. All the major studios wanted at least eight popes.
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