Straight Line of the Day: In a new spin-off of a classic comic strip…
Spread it around:
- Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
- Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)
- More
- Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window)
- Click to print (Opens in new window)
In a new spin-off of a classic comic strip…
Beetle Bailey will be a member of Antifa.
He has the right attitude, but no internal motivation for rioting or menacing…
In a new spin-off of a classic comic strip…
Doonesbury will feature all conservative characters making fun of liberals and actually be funny.
That’s not funny!
What have you been smoking?
Peanuts will be prefaced with an allergy warning.
…Calvin skins Hobbes and strolls around in his fur declaring himself The NEW Tiger King.
MJ leaves Peter Parker and becomes a militant non-binary person with a gig doing commercials for Nissan.
“Cathy” will give up ice cream because it is a vestige of white privilege…
All of Cathy’s friends get tired of her incessant whining and self destructive behavior and cut off all contact and move on with their lives. The strip will be called “Ghosting”
Is it sad that it’s been so long since I’ve looked at a newspaper that I can’t think of ANY strips?
Gasoline Alley burns in BLM riots.
Calvin and Hobbes are forced to remove snowmen they’ve built that are only white.
Wally from Dilbert will announce he’s now transgender.
I could see Scott Adams doing that at some point as a way for Wally to scam his way out of work. He may have thought of it already but knows the papers wouldn’t run it.
Franklin and Pig Pen loot Snoopy’s doghouse then burn it down. It’s revealed Lucy’s full name is Lucy Karen Van Pelt.
…and Charlie Brown will be really, really brown.
Charlie of color
Franklin gets Snoopy in a reparations settlement.
Hagar the Deplorable: Hagar gives up looting foreign counties and attacks domestic looters.
Through the efforts of Lucy and Peppermint Patty, Franklin gets his own strip called Look At Me. However the strip only consists of Lucy and Patty putting down the US. Eventually Franklin falls into obscurity.
…Prince Valiant will lead expeditions to pay reparations to the armies he defeated.
…Ripley’s Believe It Or Else will be delivered by BLM and arrive wrapped around a brick.
Dilbert will be elected to the board of directors.
Alice will sneak Folgers Crystals into Wally’s coffee.
Harvey Award!
Sam’s Dawgs will kill Tabasco.
Snuffy Smith gives up white lighting for meth.
The Phantom will be armed with a 40 ounce Colt .45 Malt Liquor.
trades in Devil for a pit bull terrier
What, just skip over Oxy? They don’t call it Hillbilly Heroin for nuthin…
The Far Side reboot fails because:
1. SJWs decry its lack of diversity and POC.
2. Humorless Karens who don’t get the gags complain that it’s not funny.
3. Much like the Babylon Bee, no matter how outrageous the premise, the gag becomes a real headline within a month.
For being a bad dog, Fred Basset is forced to ride on the roof of Mitt Romney’s car.
The Far Side is renamed Reality, but the comics remain the same.
The Wizard of Id is replaced by a Hawaiian Kenyan, and the strip is renamed the Blizzard of Uhs.
Dick Tracy announces he has found evidence against Hillary Clinton and will be taking it to a grand jury. The new spin-off strip is called Dick Tracy Didn’t Kill Himself.
Ah…but he did.
Little Orphan Annie and her cohorts bring Daddy Warbucks down to his knees, inflicting massive reparations and social stigmas upon him…
Life In Hell simply details the goings-on of Bill and Barack.
…Someone actually read the R. Crumb penned Apt. 3-G.
…a newspaper lands in a mud puddle and all the white characters are cancelled.
There was going to be a spin-off called Rubble, but Barney and Betty refused to move to Minneapolis and have the city renamed for them.
After a fight with Hobbes that goes too far, a sullen teenage Calvin finally builds a real transmogrifier, and in his angst…
-transforms into a mummified woman and spouts his hatred for responsibility from the House Speakers seat
-transforms into a virus to destroy the world
-becomes a huge, vicious, Murder Hornet, and terrorizes the pacifists and hippies of the Pacific Northwest
Crankshaft is elected President.
Charlie Brown spins off a gritty alternate reality set in 1940’s Germany, where Snoopy is the real Red Baron, Pig Pen lives in a camp, and Lucy is a member of a special squad.
Schroeder must give in to Lucy’s advances lest she find out he is gay and he gets sent to the camp with Pig Pen.
And we get the Charlie Brown Kristallnacht tv special, live on CNN, scheduled once a year, all year.
B.C. transitions to (Before COVID), and depicts humorous situations from that time, like an awkward handshake, people invading your personal space, and smelling someone else’s bad breath.
Biden is a regular guest sniffing hair.
The kids from Family Circus grow up to become civil engineers working for the DOT.
Asok, Catbert, and Alice spin off with Asok playing the pointy haired boss, Catbert as Dogbert, and Alice as Dilbert. They still work in an office, but now it’s on open concept and everybody uses Macs.
The jobs classifieds are printed on hemp paper. Smoke that and then read the funnies. Plus, on the back of Funky Winkerbean is a handy voter registration and mail in ballot. It’s like AOC and a unicorn had a baby.
After years of fruitless warfare Fat Freddy’s cat concludes a treaty with the cockroach army. Meanwhile the Freak Brothers finally score jobs as window smashers for Antifa but eventually quit when they realize that smashing windows is too much like real work. When they get home they find Fat Freddy’s cat and the cockroach army have eaten all the food in their refrigerator.