Straight Line of the Day: Hillary’s Birthday! What to get her?
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An orange jumpsuit
No way it covers all the black…
A bucket of water, delivered by a Kansas farmgirl with a very pretty singing voice.
You cursed brat! Look what you’ve done! I’m melting! melting! Oh, what a world! What a world! Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness? Oooooh, look out! I’m going! Oooooh! Ooooooh!
An eternal life loop reliving 2008 & 2016
A matching set of bracelets would be nice…
If you get her jewelry, don’t get her white rings;she thinks they’re conspiring against her.
An extended stay in the Epstein suite would be appropriate…
A coffee mug that says “World’s Greatest President” on one side and a picture of Trump on the other side.
Harvey Award!
Tums
Hillary’s Birthday! What to get her?
Me? Get her something ? That’s rich.
Hillary’s Birthday! What to get her?
Well I’m not saying it’s Aliens but… it’s Aliens.
And just how do you propose “getting” Aliens… or did they suggest this plan?
They are here to “contribute”.
Hillary’s Birthday! What to get her?
A prepaid headstone.
A new slew of young children to feast upon…. and some more hotsauce. Those little bottles she keeps in her purse don’t last long.
Something from the Acme Corporation catalog’s “Super Genius Favorites” collection.
A coffee mug that says:
Some REALLY strong smelling salts.
Depends…no, not the verb, the noun.
A Professor Emeritus position at Hogwarts. Her qualifications are impeccable.
Bitter whine.
Sorry, I mean bitter wine.
A one-way ticket to Guantanamo.
…Or Palukaville,
Hillary’s Birthday! What to get her?
A nice Mau-Mau, oops. Excuse me. A nice Mu-mu.
A box of wine, a tantō and an hour of private time.
Some cheese to go with that whine.
Her very own grand jury
Whitewater brand server bleach and a hypodermic needle.
No needle necessary, just apply liberally like with a cloth or something.
Hillary’s Birthday! What to get her?
A slightly used Emu.
Different Emu.
A dark wingtip is coming.
BEM.
What did that Emu ever do to you, I mean, besides the obvious…?
A.C.B.
(can’t believe we all forgot to put this one on the list earlier)
-RGB + ACB = WIN.
We could get a woman confirmed to be a Supreme Court Justice.
A moon. (I got a bad feeling about this)
A new broom.
A nice cup of Folgers Crystals.
Hillary’s Birthday! What to get her?
Comey’s testicles.
And a good Chianti.
Hillary’s Birthday! What to get her?
A first class ticket to Wisconsin.
Cattle futures.
Actually she doesn’t need those anymore.
A ipod of all Don’s rallies. (heck, it was good enough for the queen)
10% of Hunter’s take for “The Big Thigh.”
Cash is always nice but she’ll take a check.
A Dachau themed education center for her political enemies and ethical superiors.
She’ll have another gin and tonic bartender, with a little umbrella to catch the tears. The never ending tears.
A puppy. Just one puppy that can survive the rage.
A big, strong man to remove her foot from Hunter Biden’s behind. Leave the pipe though, she has a date with Joe’s crack.
A whine cork.