Title and image submitted by Les:

Try reading the title in the voice of Dr. Evil.
“Do they come in . . . shark-skin?”

You don’t tie them; you apply a tourniquet.
White sells; Red sells.
I really have no idea where this marketing idea came from. Or from wince it came. Was there some demographic making a racket for shoes tainted with bio-waste? Or is the demographic the bio-waste, and the shoes the racket?
Sick’ll Sell a Media.
“Get the New Improved High-Leper Running Sores(tm) — the Converse of What You Want – Before Our Sales Fall Completely Off!”
Nope.
Coming soon: Arteriosclerosis Clogs.
“Leave Someone ELSE’s Blood at a Crime Scene For Once, You Insane Dolt!” — Usain Bolt, for Satan Shoes (paid Endors-mint)
“Uh-Uh, Don’t Step on Those Blue-State Shoes.”
“666: The Linda Blair Jordans”
How about Hitler’s Heil Heels? Is there a market for them?
Charles Manson Sneak-ers? Tetanus Shoes?
Dumb and Dahmer.
Buyer beware: they have no souls.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bhrBdgYTV8
Does Satan have hops?