More Alarming News: Pandas

Cute, cuddly pandas:

Aww… They love bamboo.

Too much:

So they have studied the problem, and come up with an electro-nuclear GMO solution:

… and built on that knowledge to create cold fusion to produce kumquats as well:

… but — fortunately for us — have run into major difficulties with their Large Hadron Collider.

… But it’s only a matter of time.

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Song Parody: Robinette Palmer

♩♩♩

The lights are on, but you’re not home.
Your mind is not your own.
Surrogates? Forget it, Jake;
It’s China loans, that’s all it takes.

You can’t speak. You did cheat.
There’s no doubt. The state is deep.
Fraud is tight. The news feeds.
One more trip is all they need.

Whoa-oh, you’d like us to think that you’re not wearing that stuff, oh yeah
(It makes you feel closer to girls who are still in them, though)
You know you’re gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to Luvs

You stare at stairs. They impede.
You two ascend. At different speeds.
You’re imploding. Double-time.
Another miss. Kamala’s primed. (A one-track mind)

You can’t be saved ~
Oblivion after you cave ~
If there’s some Left for you ~
You’ve lost your freaking mind, and you’ve lost them, too.

Whoa-oh, you like to think that you’re immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It’s closer to the truth to say you aren’t very tough:
You know you’re gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to LIVs

Might as well face it, you’re addicted to Luvs
Might as well face it, you’ll be evicted soon enough . . .

♪ ♪