Man Accused of Keeping Meth-Fed ‘Attack Squirrel’ Faces New Charges
PENNLive | Jan. 26, 2022
The trial of a Limestone County, Alabama, man who allegedly kept a squirrel supplied with methamphetamine to make it attack people has been delayed.
Straight Line of the Day: New charges against the guy with a meth-fed attack squirrel include:
A nationwide APB for the meth fed attack moose he also hangs out with.
… Unauthorized use of a bio-weapon…
According to the recent ATF directives I believe that if the tail length is less than 6 inches, and nut pouch capacity exceeds 10 nuts I believe it qualifies as a sawed-off assault squirrel.
Gonna have to maintain a file on Harvey Award winners some day, some day.
The government already does that.
That’s great!
I think.
Once upon a time I used to get bacon chip cookies. Whatever happened to those?
http://www.nukingpolitics.com/2015/03/nuke-punchline-were-gonna-need-bigger.html?m=1
… Contributing to the delinquency of a squirrel…
… Stealing the intellectual property of The Babylon Bee…
… Menacing…
Please, please tell me his name is Dennis…
New charges against the guy with a meth-fed attack squirrel include:
Associating with known Emus.
New charges against the guy with a meth-fed attack squirrel include:
Not having his squirrel properly masked.
…he’s being charged with A-Salting Nuts
…feeding a certain moose Quaaludes.
New charges against the guy with a meth-fed attack squirrel include:
What the heck, they’ve thrown in Treason, Sedition and not expecting the Spanish Inquisition.
Judge: Contributing to the delinquency of a minor squirrel ..and no sir, Bullwinkle cannot be your legal counsel…that’s only in California.
Or Canada.
New charges against the guy with a meth-fed attack squirrel include:
Using an un-registered squirrel at the January 6th “insurrection”.
New charges against the guy with a meth-fed attack squirrel include…
… fraudulently appropriating the intellectual property of David Seville.
New charges against the guy with a meth-fed attack squirrel include…
…littering.
And creating a disturbance.
He’ll be welcome on the Group W bench.
…playing with his food.
…repeatedly escaping arrest by yelling “Squirrel” and running from distracted officers.
… failing to use government-issued squirrel crack pipes.