The real Santa has cookie crumbs in his beard and alcohol on his breath. The imposter likes to nance around to toy soldier music and has last name like “Walz.”
Spending funds from an agency that is already near insolvency to send truckloads of worthless crap to some third world $h!thole with no expectation of return on investment, betterment of the public, or regards to the environmental health of the receiving country? Oh that’s got US Government forte all over it.
I always kidnap them, holding them until elves show up to negotiate for release… so far none of them have been freed….
Just ask the FBI.
Check their clothing tags – Made in China always gives the fake ones away…
Punch him in the stomach and if it shakes like jelly he is probably real. Also, check for reindeer crap on his boots.
If you kill the real Santa, his body disappears leaving behind only his outfit. So that’s another test you can run.
Just don’t make the mistake of putting it on, or you’ll have to take his place.
Send in a kid , wearing a wire, and see what he can get “Santa” to admit…
If he’s drinking a Coke he’s the real Santa. Drinking any other soft drink means he’s a phoney.
He doesn’t smell like Beef and Cheese.
I’d ask him I’ve been naughty or nice. If he says “nice” I know he’s a fraud.
Shake his leg and see if his balls play Jingle Bells
The real Santa has cookie crumbs in his beard and alcohol on his breath. The imposter likes to nance around to toy soldier music and has last name like “Walz.”
If the Post Office, an office of the US government, sends him Santa’s mail, then he’s the real McCoy.
Yeah, the government would get it right… that would be a miracle!
Spending funds from an agency that is already near insolvency to send truckloads of worthless crap to some third world $h!thole with no expectation of return on investment, betterment of the public, or regards to the environmental health of the receiving country? Oh that’s got US Government forte all over it.
The reindeer give it away.
(Unlike the ho, ho, hos.)
…The Ice Cream Bunny picks him out in a line-up
You hacked into NORAD and tracked his sleigh to your house.
If he’s talking to my wife and still looking jolly, must be him.