In following the Truth Laid Bear Iraqi Death Counter, I’ve coded some counters of my own:
French Military Victories: 0
Tyrants Overthrown by Hippies: 0
Tolerance Frank J. Currently Has for Commies: 0
Cheetos Scarfed Down by Michael Moore: ERROR: Buffer overflow
Eh… still gotta work some bugs out of the java script.
Frank, on the Cheetos Scarfed Down by Michael Moore counter, I think you’re going to have to exponentiate.
I’ll fix it if you’d like. Send it my way.
hln
MMmMMmm Cheetos….
aelfheld,
I was using a long integer, but I guess I should switch to a double floating point.
You may need to use scientific notation, like Avagadro’s Number, 6.02 x 10 to the 23rd.
Keep that in mind.
Cheerios? Wouldn’t it be more fitting to choose a cereal like Cap’n Crunch, or perhaps, in the spirit of John Belushi, Little Chocolate Donuts?
dude u rock…..i’m a poli-sci major. so be happy..er..something.
visit protestwarrior.com, i designed it.
Congratulations Frank on another great post. Perhaps you would join me for a drink at the Ninja Pub? We could laugh the night away in merriment! Ha ha ha!
I’m here to join the blog wars. Another soldier for this endless war. I only hope that can serve as well as you.
May my Katana of Justice strike true into the hearts of men!
And may you continue to write utter hilarity!
“French military victories”? Hmm…
Well, Frank might not know about the series of victories the French military has experienced throughout its history.
Let’s take a look at the mighty French military prowess, shall we?
Gallic Wars – Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years War – Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; “France’s armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.”
Italian Wars – Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of Religion – France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
Thirty Years War – France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
War of Devolution – Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
The Dutch War – Tied
War of the Augsburg League/King William’s War/French and Indian War – Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
War of the Spanish Succession – Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
American Revolution – In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as “de Gaulle Syndrome”, and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; “France only wins when America does most of the fighting.”
French Revolution – Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars – Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War – Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France’s ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
World War I – Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it’s like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn’t call her “Fraulein.” Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
World War II – Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
War in Indochina – Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.
Algerian Rebellion – Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; “We can always beat the French.” This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
War on Terrorism – France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald’s.
And here is yet more evidence of the might of the French War machine:
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/victories.html
Where’s the Rarr Counter?
i loved this post. i think i’m going to make my own counters.
Metal Phoenix,
Silflay Hraka actually wrote that.
MORNING ROUND UP
Don’s mood today: delightful! Anyway, here are some links to make you smile: Why, Frank J.? Why must you make me laugh so hard? Why!!!! Are libertariains winning the culture wars? Stephen Green thinks we just might be. Hat tip…
The “Raar!” counter?
Frank has posted some special counters. Heh….
All Along The Watchtower Blogosphere
Man, is Frank J. on a roll or what? First, you have his Java script that Michael Moore screwed up. Then, he’s got Rummy kicking the asses of those 26 idiots sponsoring a resolution for his removal. And, now, he
http://overtaken.blogmosis.com/archives/017961.html
Stealing shamelessly from Frank’s idea to build upon NZ Bear’s genius for coding new, really important and informative counters, I…
I had the hardest time with Avegadro’s number in Chemistry. I just couldn’t seem to get my mind around the concept.
While studying one night, a little devil popped up on my left shoulder and said, “What are you worried about? This will never come up in real life. Let’s go grab a beer!”
As I went to the fridge, a little angel popped up on my right shoulder and said, “If you don’t learn this, it really won’t come up in real life because you’ll be too busy flipping the burgers to worry about it.”
Unfortunately, I was in the middle of popping the top off a beer and the sound drowned his words out. I grabbed some chips and headed back to the sofa. The chips were stale. Great. Back to the fridge to find something to add a little flavor to their tortilla blandness.
As I opened the door, I had a moment of clarity that forever changed my life. I stopped trying to think of a way to tell my parents that I was changing majors. Again. There, in a Tupperware bowl on the second shelf, was my key to unlocking the mysteries of the chemical world.
Because you can’t make guacamole without Avegadro’s.
Mmmmm, guacamole…
For the Cheeto count, I think you’re gonna need one of those Athlon 64-bit puppies. I just don’t think a 32-bit unsigned int is going to work for you.
Here are a few ideas…
Intelligent thoughts from Michael Moore.
Intelligent thoughts from Al Franken.
Number of straight men who think Hillary is a babe.
German philantropist.
my favorite…
RIGHT WING DICTATORSHIP
…think about it.
Let’s see… French/Indian Wars, Mexican revolution, Algeria, Indochina, many many wars in Europe… if y’all are willing to allow me to stretch a point and call Mexico a South American nation, that means that France has lost wars on five of seven continents- excluding only Austrailia (come get some, mate) and Antartica.
And the penguins are waiting on them…
You should have written it in assembler… java can’t handle those tough math problems.
LINKWHORE™ FRIDAY
Rounding up some of my favorite posts of the week. Some of them aren’t that deep. Some are: Kate is pissed about people who note in her comment section that they “just wrote a post identical to the one she…
assembler’s a btch, do it in Fortran (not that that’s not a btch) and compile it for a massive Linux cluster…hopefully that will do the trick, though i suspect it won’t