Reportedly the worst stop on the auditions tour this year.
Brandon Groves. The guy who sang “I Shot the Sheriff” to Paula last season. Now he is dressed as Uncle Sam to sing “God Bless America”. And it’s bad.
Jennifer Chapton. The hotness. “Give Me Your Love”. Give me some earplugs. Wow, no wonder Paula went on the local Seattle show smashy smashed. She needed something to get through the pain of Seattle.
Not that I would have done. But wow.
Amy Salgado. Her husband isn’t supportive of her auditioning. That’s sad. But then again, she has a baby and responsibilities. Or… um. Maybe he wanted to spare her the embarrassment. He knew what would happen, because he’s heard her sing. I hope she went home and just let him give her a big hug.

Darwin Misha Reedy. Um… did she forget her bra? Because her boobs are around her ankles, and that does not happen when you wear a bra. Ok, she’s from Houston, Texas. And she just won’t stop talking. And they’ve brought in her mother now. And she’s singing that “Dontcha” song. And winner. Winner so far. Best of the worst. Oh my. Two peas in a pod wrapped up in a novella.
Thomas Daniels. Two notes in, I know he’s going through to Hollywood. He’s good. I love his vocal quality.
Melissa Carleen Stavros. She has a dog named Tika. As in Chicken Tikka Masala? Her voice sounded ok at first other than the nervous shaking, but she screwed up the words starting with about word #4, and then it went way downhill. And the outfit. Bad outfit. But her personality wasn’t awful like most of these we’ve been seeing.
Blake Lewis. Seattle’s beatboxing champion. Beatboxing was good, voice was very nice. Did too much on the song, I was saying, “Oh, don’t go crazy now.” And I don’t want to sound obnoxious, but I heard hints of Mr. A to Z in there. I liked him. He was good, I’m glad he’s through to Hollywood. Oh yeah, but he needs to do something about that porcupine fest he calls hair.
David Mills. No no no.
Shyamali Malakar. She is so beautiful. Beautiful voice, too, and I was mesmerized. Shy at first, and nervous, but I think she’ll come out.
Sanjaya Malakar. Actually has better showmanship than his sister, and a little stronger voice. But her voice made me stop and clutch my chest. So he’d better watch out, because when she starts singing louder and stronger, she’s going to blow him out of the water.
Both are through to Hollywood, deservedly. On our honeymoon cruise, there were these two little Indian kids singing in the karaoke bar with their parents and grandparents watching. They were so cute, a brother and sister. They were singing “A Whole New World” together. Perfectly, note for note.
I just noticed Paula has cut down on her collagen intake since last season.
Nicholas Zitzmann. How can “Unchained Melody” be anyone’s favorite song anymore? It’s been so overdone. Plus, Kellie Pickler did it last year, right? That there would put a person off it. Oh, and this is worse than Pickler! I think he should go be a software engineer in the Salt Lake City area. Oh my goodness. I want to bake him a pie. I really am almost crying for him, it’s so sad.
I realize, yes, everyone, that I need a new person to hate on this season, but y’all are gonna have to wait until the Hollywood rounds. Until then, I love to hate on Pickler. Plus, she’s just so cute.
Rudy Cardenas. Singing Journey to Randy, you’d better know what you’re doing. I was pleased, and then Simon stopped it with an “It’s a no.” Randy and Paula saved him. He was a little cocky, but the voice was good, so I think Simon was just being cranky.
Kenneth Briggs. He immediately talks too much. He’s doing “Tearing up My Heart” by ‘NSYNC, NO WAY!! And HE’S DOING THE DANCE! Oh no, Simon, that was too far. You don’t attack a person’s natural physical appearance. Where is your line? Do you have one? “Simon can kiss my ***, because I don’t look like a monkey.” Quote of the day.
Jonathan Jayne. Kenneth’s friend. Oh my goodness, it’s like Cartman singing, no lie! “In the ghetto-o-o-o-o-o-o…” He actually hit notes, but the serious Cartman vibrato was a little scary.
Eric Chapman, who thinks he is Taylor Hicks’s twin. It’s a no.
Ryan says, “I’m average.” The first step is admitting it.
Anna Kearns from Wichita Falls. Ok, when asked how tall she is, she says she’s 6’7″. That’s her height with heels. But um, without heels, she’s 6’4″. So, when someone asks how tall she is, she should say she’s 6’4″. She’s not 6’7″. As to the singing, before the judges started, I told Frank, she’s loud, but she’s really not that good. She’s going to Hollywood. Simon is pouting, because Randy and Paula were incredibly rude to them.
Jordin Sparks. Beautiful girl, beautiful voice.
Y’all know I just like to give Seacrest a hard time. I like the guy, he’s just fun to give a hard time.
Steven Thoen. Haha, he says he’s not a big fan of the show. And he’s done “kuh-ro-ky” a few times. Does he think looking like Carrot Top is a big compliment? And he’s only seen the show a couple of times. He’s very polite to the judges. And I think they would like to be polite back, but he’s singing “Bohemian Rhapsody”, and yowza. I have to agree, that was about as high on the weirdness scale as it gets.
Next week, it’s Memphis.