Paula says that since the girls look gorgeous, they’re ready to sing tonight. Yes, because a pretty face and pretty clothes equal a great voice, as we saw with Kellie Pickler. cough cough
01– Gina Glocksen is dedicating to her boyfriend, and her dedication is sweet and all. She’s singing “Alone” by Heart, and this is going to have to be really good, because Carrie did this two years ago and brought down the house, even got Simon to give it up for her. Except Carrie had really bad hair when she did it. Oh, plus when I do this one at karaoke, I’m pretty good. Just sayin’. That reminds me of a story. At Rachel’s Halloween party this year, there were these people there that we had never met, and mind you, I sing Heart all the time, Heart is perfect for my range, I generally hog all the Heart songs at karaoke (we have a machine ourselves), and I usually handle their songs with ease, except maybe a few low notes that get in my way. Anyway, this neighbor lady from down the street, when she saw what song I was singing (“Alone”), said, “Wow, you’re going to attempt Ann Wilson?” and I just held my microphone, waited for my words to come onscreen, and said kinda offhandedly, “Yeah, I’m gonna give it a shot,” and could not look at Rachel, because if I’d looked at her, we would have shared a look and I would have laughed. We can both sing, and we know it. I mean, I’m no Kelly Clarkson, but I’m easily as good as half the girls in the top 10 tonight. So the neighbor lady was a little surprised when I got to the chorus. I thought it was funny, and Rachel and I laughed about it after the neighbor went home. We didn’t want to be rude and laugh to her face.
Oh wait, this isn’t the Talk About Me Hour. Yes, back to Gina and American Idol. Gina’s hair is good. Still with the red tints in the black hair, perfect for her. I’m not sure about the way she’s dressed, because if she’s wanting to be a rocker, the red satin knee-dress is a little nice, but then again, it’s red satin, and red satin is a little sassy. The pretty jewelry, though — maybe it should have been spikes? No wait, there are spiky bracelets, so she’s covered there. It’s ok. At least she didn’t get rid of the tongue bolt. But listen to me. Last week I said that she looked as pretty as a girl with a tongue bolt could look, so shut up SarahK. Ok, to the singing. I have to relisten. Beginning is good. Chorus is good until the big “Alone”s at the end. The first time through, I thought she was pitchy there, but she wasn’t. But screechy for sure on the last couple of notes. I was going to suggest she stay with this kind of song. Heart, Evanescence, the pipey chick rocker songs with mega vocals, but she’s gonna have to work on not screeching the high notes. I thought it was good, probably a little better than last week because this is a better song choice for her, but not fantastic. And not as good as Carrie Underwood did it.
Randy says yo yo awesome dawg, pitchy at the beginning but you worked it out. He points out Charlotte, the backup singer, who was awesome during the song. I notice Charlotte is wearing a Tenacious D t-shirt — hahaha, I love it! Gina thanks Charlotte. Good girl. Paula says we were surprised when Carrie did it, but man, excellent job. Simon says good song choice, very forced vocals at the end. And Simon is confused about Gina’s image, because he thought she was edgier than this when they put her through to the top 24, and he’s talking about the way she’s dressed, and Randy says maybe she should have worn all black. No, Randy, Carrie did that. Invites more comparisons to a better vocal.
Oh yay. Alaina is going to do the Dixie Chicks. You’re the next American Idol, Alaina. No really, you are. Because I don’t still cringe every time I hear the name of that band. Really, I don’t. Every time Natalie Maines opens her mouth she says something more infuriating than the previous time, so I think that no one at all will think about that while you’re singing. They’ll just judge you on your singing. I don’t know why we need patriotism, anyway. Oops, look at me, I’m doing it already.
Who coaches these kids on their song choice?
BTW, I think global warming caused by people is a steaming pile of bull feces. Mkay? And that train commercial is stupid and horrible for a family show. It scares children, you awful people. Shame on you.

Continue reading ‘American Idol Six – top 10 girls’ »

Randy knows the guys are going to be a lot better than last week. Are you sure, Randy? Are you sure? I’m gonna hold you to that. Paula says have fun and own the song. Which means she’s gonna have fun with her Loopy Juice. Simon looks into her drink glass. Ryan calls Simon his friend, and Simon has no comment.
Tonight they are supposed to dedicate their songs to someone who inspires them. I feel a good cry and a load of sarcasm welling up inside me. I hope Chris Sligh dedicates his performance to The Hoff or Simon. Maybe AJ will dedicate his song to Ryan. A snarker can dream, right?
WH… Phil Stacey is up first, and I hope he can redeem himself the teeniest bit by dedicating his performance to his wife, whom he abandoned when she was nine months pregnant so he could audition for AI — she had to have the baby all alone. Nope. He’s still a big giant pinkytoe. Looks like one too. He dedicates it to his navy command or something. He’s trying to play up the military angle so we’ll like him. It’s not working on me. I LOVE the military, but why didn’t he ever mention it before? Suddenly he wants to play it up, because he knows all the girls hate him because of the baby thing. Maybe if it had been the Marines (no offense, Harvey — you know I heart you, but the Navy guys wear white all the time, and that does not work for me). Oh, and he’s singing “Missing You” by John Waite, also done very well by Tina Turner (I love that woman). It’s so stinking blah until the end, then it gets pretty good. One note is precarious, but he holds onto it and works it out, dawg. I don’t think this is great because most of the song is just boring. I think it’s a bad song choice. It’s not exciting me until the last few bars. Randy says yippie ki-yay, you’re hot and showing your power. Paula loves his tone and hears him on the radio. Paula, the radio is not on, check your vodka levels, sweetheart. Simon isn’t jumping out of his chair, loved the film piece about the military (sucker), doesn’t think he has originality at all, and is a very good karaoke singer right now. Ryan says but his popularity will help him, and Simon says don’t worry, you’ll be back next week. Good job with the reverse psychology, Simon. Wink wink. I thank you.
They’ve flashed to Jeff Foxworthy in the audience multiple times.

Continue reading ‘American Idol Six – top 10 guys’ »

We were at Disney World Thursday night when all my American Idol predictions came true, but I’m rewatching the results show now (we watched Friday night when we got home), and I have things to say!
So here they are.
They announced all the guest stars who will be appearing this season. Let’s discuss. Or let’s me talk and you listen.
Diana Ross. Oh, I can’t wait for that tragedy of a disco night. I could make myself a big pot of coffee to stay awake, but excess caffeine is bad for my epilepsy. Stupid neurological diseases! No wait, why am I mad at my brain waves? Stupid bad disco nights on American Idol that make me want to fall into a deep sleep and dream about cherry blossom trees and purple unicorns! Why must they taunt me?
Jon Bon Jovi. Sweet! One of those teeny-bopping wailers (probably Jordin) will sing “Wanted Dead or Alive” in a full-length, sparkly, long red evening gown. Mark those words, y’all, I’m tellin’ ya. But she’ll replace “cowboy” with “cowgirl”, and she’ll smile ear-to-ear like “look how clever I am!” when “cowgirl” comes out of her mouth, and her adoring fans will giggle and cheer. I won’t be cheering. I’ll be looking for this permalink so I can remind y’all of when I said this. Chris Sligh will sing an obscure song that wouldn’t make the greatest hits album, and Randy will pretend to have loved that song for years, dawg.
J-Lo. A.J. Trabaldo will try to sing “Love Don’t Cost a Thing”, but we will have such a hard time understanding him that we will think he’s singing “my oven tone caught touching”. No wait, I take it back. If he makes the top 12, there is no justice in the world. Why yes. That is the only J-Lo song I know. It would be torturous to know more.

Continue reading ‘American Idol Six – top 24 results show’ »