Some reason about every blog out there has felt the need to at least mention her death… I guess because her life was odd and ultimately tragic. Plus, I think a lot of us made fun of her and now feel bad. I’ll refer everyone to baldilocks’s post on the subject having nothing better to add.
Archive of entries posted on 8th February 2007
In My World: Waving the Bloody Tire Iron
“I would like to announce I’m now officially running for president,” Rudy Giuliani announced to a cheering crowd of Republicans. “Terrorists came to my city, and now it’s time for me to come after them. The way to do that is to become president.” He held up a blood-stained tire iron. “See the blood on this. I saw someone who looked like a terrorist on the way over here and I beat him to death with this tire iron. That’s how much I hate terrorists. If elected president, I promise to personally kill terrorists. You will constantly see me caked in blood and you can be sure that it will be the blood of terrorists… or possibly panhandlers.”
“Will you also kill hobos?” a Republican asked.
“Only if they panhandle.”
“Killing terrorists is great, but what about your stance on abortion?” said another Republican.
“I understand there is some concern from many Republicans about my support for keeping abortion legal,” Rudy said, “I want you to know that I am not changing my position on that; who I am is who I am, and you should know I won’t change my positions just to help myself politically. But I don’t want people to think I’m some sort of pro-abortion fanatic. To prove that, I’m inviting a pregnant woman to stand next to me.”
A pregnant woman walked on to the stage and Rudy stood next to her, occasionally glancing towards her uncomfortably. “See. I’m perfectly fine not aborting that baby,” he said. “I’m not fanatic.”
“The way you’re looking at her… it kinda seems like you really want to abort that baby,” a Republican said.
“That’s ridiculous.” He shushed the woman away. “Now, I think that should be enough to let conservatives know that it’s okay to vote for me.”
“But what about guns?” a Republican asked. “Don’t you want to take them away from people?”
“That’s absurd. I respect gun rights.”
“But aren’t you taking away that guy’s gun right now?”
Rudy looked down at the gun in his hands he had just taken from someone of the crowd. “I simply took it so I could look at and admire the gun.”
“So why don’t you give it back now?”
Rudy paused for a moment. “Maybe later.” He put the gun in his coat pocket.
“I knew it!” shouted a Republican. “Rudy Giuliani is an abortion-loving, gun-grabbing liberal!”
“Who will personally beat terrorists to death with a tire iron!” Rudy shook his bloody tire iron in the air to applause of the crowd.
“It’s going to be tough to run against Rudy Giuliani,” President Bush told his wife as he turned off the TV. “I better get started on my campaigning now if I want to be reelected in 2008.”
“You can’t reelected in 2008, dear,” Laura told him.
“Oh yeah… because my poll numbers are so low, right?”
Laura rolled her eyes. “Yes, because your poll numbers are so low.”
Amanda Marcotte: Right-Winger in Disguise!
It ends up Amanda Marcotte is not a hate-filled liberal incapable of expressing a thought without lacing it with obscenities; the truth is she was merely satirizing those types of people. Here’s her new official statement on the Edwards’ blog:
My writings on my personal blog Pandagon on the issue of religion are generally satirical in nature and always intended strictly as a criticism of public policies and politics.
See, it was all a satire. If you look through the archives of Panadgon (I don’t recommend that, though) it seems like quite the dedication to a joke. She really convinced a lot of people – liberals especially – that’s she filled with nothing but hate and contempt for those who disagree with her and she saves her worst bile for religious views. Ironically, my first encounter with Amanda was when she claimed she couldn’t understand how a piece of mine could be called satire and spent what seemed like an inordinate amount of space writing about it (much longer than the actual piece). In the end, I guess, she was merely doing a parody of a bloviating idiot.
Don’t we all feel foolish now for not getting the joke?
Carter’s War Face
“We all want to kill the Jews, but let’s just calm down a second here.”
Reader Mike e-mailed me this picture with the caption in the post title, but why don’t you see if you can come up with a better one. Winner gets IMAO Bonus Points!
UPDATE:
A reader pointed out this photo from LGF:
“Tiny jooos have taken over my toaster!”
That photo practically demands someone to photoshop a hood on him and lightning coming out of his fingers.
Panda-gone?
Updated below
Amanda Marcotte may have been fired, and guess how the liberal blogs are reacting?
Did you answer “With angry, over the top obscenity laced rants”? Then you’re right! And if you added “Also, they’re acting like this is the most important issue ever… just like they do with any of their piddling crap issues they latch onto,” then you get bonus points.
I’m getting the feeling that the netroots just don’t like the idea that, just because they’re a bunch of hate-filled lunatics, they should be considered political liabilities (i.e., the “reality-based” community is getting angry at reality). Sure, the Democrats like the netroots’ money and votes, but they want to do that exchange in a back alley out of the public eye and deny it later. That has to hurt their feelings.
What’s this mean for us? Well, if Edwards fires Marcotte, then he will officially have responded quicker to right-wing blogs than any Republican making him my favorite candidate. Since no politician out there will do what we want out of principle, maybe we should settle for one we can successfully bully.
Seriously, though, this whole thing reminds me of a scientific research that, while it’s better to study for a test sober, if you do study drunk then you’re better off taking the test drunk. Similarly, Edwards never should have hired Marcotte, but, since he did, he’s better off keeping her. If he bows to pressure to fire her, then he’ll just seem even more like the preening little sissy we all know he is. The best thing for him to do is embrace Marcotte and officially become the hate-filled lefty candidate. He can probably run with that all the way to a victory in the primary before being inevitably being trounced by whatever wishy-washy idiot we nominate.
UPDATE:
It looks like he followed my advice: Edwards says Amanda and Melissa will stay.
Just leave yourself elbow room to fire them after the primary, Edwards… that’s what a shrewd politician would do.
IMAO: Always Backing the Strong Horse
Phil Rossi is right now ahead by 18 votes in the Pickle Tales contest at Podcast Pickle. I’d like to think it was my support of him that made him take this huge lead over that meddling Jew, Laurence Simon.
You still have time (voting closes at noon) to participate in this contest and help the great America Phil Rossi win by even more. Just:
* Listen
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IMAO: We only back winners!