Randy knows the guys are going to be a lot better than last week. Are you sure, Randy? Are you sure? I’m gonna hold you to that. Paula says have fun and own the song. Which means she’s gonna have fun with her Loopy Juice. Simon looks into her drink glass. Ryan calls Simon his friend, and Simon has no comment.
Tonight they are supposed to dedicate their songs to someone who inspires them. I feel a good cry and a load of sarcasm welling up inside me. I hope Chris Sligh dedicates his performance to The Hoff or Simon. Maybe AJ will dedicate his song to Ryan. A snarker can dream, right?
WH… Phil Stacey is up first, and I hope he can redeem himself the teeniest bit by dedicating his performance to his wife, whom he abandoned when she was nine months pregnant so he could audition for AI — she had to have the baby all alone. Nope. He’s still a big giant pinkytoe. Looks like one too. He dedicates it to his navy command or something. He’s trying to play up the military angle so we’ll like him. It’s not working on me. I LOVE the military, but why didn’t he ever mention it before? Suddenly he wants to play it up, because he knows all the girls hate him because of the baby thing. Maybe if it had been the Marines (no offense, Harvey — you know I heart you, but the Navy guys wear white all the time, and that does not work for me). Oh, and he’s singing “Missing You” by John Waite, also done very well by Tina Turner (I love that woman). It’s so stinking blah until the end, then it gets pretty good. One note is precarious, but he holds onto it and works it out, dawg. I don’t think this is great because most of the song is just boring. I think it’s a bad song choice. It’s not exciting me until the last few bars. Randy says yippie ki-yay, you’re hot and showing your power. Paula loves his tone and hears him on the radio. Paula, the radio is not on, check your vodka levels, sweetheart. Simon isn’t jumping out of his chair, loved the film piece about the military (sucker), doesn’t think he has originality at all, and is a very good karaoke singer right now. Ryan says but his popularity will help him, and Simon says don’t worry, you’ll be back next week. Good job with the reverse psychology, Simon. Wink wink. I thank you.
They’ve flashed to Jeff Foxworthy in the audience multiple times.
Archive of entries posted on 27th February 2007
American Idol Six – top 24 results show
We were at Disney World Thursday night when all my American Idol predictions came true, but I’m rewatching the results show now (we watched Friday night when we got home), and I have things to say!
So here they are.
They announced all the guest stars who will be appearing this season. Let’s discuss. Or let’s me talk and you listen.
Diana Ross. Oh, I can’t wait for that tragedy of a disco night. I could make myself a big pot of coffee to stay awake, but excess caffeine is bad for my epilepsy. Stupid neurological diseases! No wait, why am I mad at my brain waves? Stupid bad disco nights on American Idol that make me want to fall into a deep sleep and dream about cherry blossom trees and purple unicorns! Why must they taunt me?
Jon Bon Jovi. Sweet! One of those teeny-bopping wailers (probably Jordin) will sing “Wanted Dead or Alive” in a full-length, sparkly, long red evening gown. Mark those words, y’all, I’m tellin’ ya. But she’ll replace “cowboy” with “cowgirl”, and she’ll smile ear-to-ear like “look how clever I am!” when “cowgirl” comes out of her mouth, and her adoring fans will giggle and cheer. I won’t be cheering. I’ll be looking for this permalink so I can remind y’all of when I said this. Chris Sligh will sing an obscure song that wouldn’t make the greatest hits album, and Randy will pretend to have loved that song for years, dawg.
J-Lo. A.J. Trabaldo will try to sing “Love Don’t Cost a Thing”, but we will have such a hard time understanding him that we will think he’s singing “my oven tone caught touching”. No wait, I take it back. If he makes the top 12, there is no justice in the world. Why yes. That is the only J-Lo song I know. It would be torturous to know more.
Continue reading ‘American Idol Six – top 24 results show’ »
Wooden 2000 Presidential Popular Vote Winner Al Gore . . .
I Finally Have to Ask
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What is Eschaton?
I happened to head over there today because of an Ann Althouse post where she mentions how Duncan Black (a.k.a. Atrios) of Eschaton tried to fact check her on the most inane thing possible. Eschaton has been one of the most popular left-wing blogs since I first saw there were left-wing blogs, but it’s never been able to keep my attention for more than a couple second scan. While most liberal blogs seem to be extremely wordy (Greenwald’s blog is practically all words and no content), Eschaton has… well, nothing. It’s like a bunch of sentence fragments with a link every few posts. If “Indeed” and “Heh” are just too verbose a commentary, Eschaton is the blog for you.
Here’s one of yesterday’s posts:
Memories
You know, the wingnutosphere was always populated by lunatic morons, but back in the old days we actually felt obliged to engage them. Now we just mock them.
Much better.
That’s it. That’s the whole post. There’s no link that or discernible context that might make this clever. That’s a whole “thought” he had and decided to share. And posts like that bring in nearly a hundred thousand unique visitors a day.
Sometimes I wonder if I should stop making fun of the left-wing blogosphere because it’s equivalent to making fun of someone with a mental handicap. I don’t want to be that kind of person.
I’m serious. It’s something to think about.
UPDATE:
Okay. I’m not serious… but sometimes I like to pretend I am.
INACTION ALERT: This Is an Inaction Alert
INACTION ALERT! INACTION ALERT!
I decided that action alerts just weren’t working for me. Anyway, we’re conservatives and have jobs and useful things to do, so why not instead have inaction alerts. With everyone–especially the always hysterical liberals–freaking out about everything, I think what this country needs is a strong call to inaction. Ignoring something or someone is the highest for of dominance, anyway. So let’s all calm down and go about our daily business unless something explodes.
END INACTION ALERT
That’s Pretty Much It
I saw this comic on Dr. Sanity and thought it summed up the Democrats’ uncomfortable position quite well:
Muslims + Kites = Eleven Dead
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I want to understand the cultures in the Middle East. I want to get along and not look down on everyone there, but, really, how do you turn a kite festival into a massacre? You’d think with all the killing over there that they’d be looking for ways to get a break from the violence, not new creative ways to turn the most harmless things into a bloodbath.
So, it’s at least eleven dead and over one hundred injured from a kite festival in Pakistan. This wasn’t the first time either, as a BBC article says that nine were killed in the 2004 festival causing kites to be banned for a while in Pakistan. We all know that won’t stop violence, though, as you can remove the kite from a man’s hand but not the murder from his heart. He’ll just get his hands on a pinwheel or a hula hoop and you have another massacre on your hands.
I think that’s enough news from the Middle East for today. Anymore and I might get jaded.
UPDATE:
Before I noted how you could add “Muslims Are Offended” to any headline and it won’t sound out of place, and I think we have something similar here. For any event happening in the Middle East, you can just add a casualty count to the end of headline and no one would notice. E.g. “Children’s Literacy Event Held in Saudi Arabia; 12 Dead”
IMAO Readership Quality Screening Test
Take the “Are You a Dumb American Quiz“, examine your results, and follow the appropriate instructions below:
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You Are a Smart American |
 You may continue reading IMAO and leaving witty and/or insightful comments. |
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You Are Not a Dumb American |
 You may continue reading IMAO for educational purposes, but don’t comment, lest your inferior knowledge endumben the rest of us. |
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You Are an Average American |
 In the future, please avoid IMAO and voting booths. |
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You Are a Dumb American |
 Flee from this place lest we punch you in your dumb monkey face and taunt you a second time. |
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You Are Nancy Pelosi |
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So… how did you do?
Al Gore the Environmental Chickenhawk
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As with any religion, environmentalism’s Messiah is beyond reproach. Look at the Kwazy Kos Kids response (do I even have to give a profanity warning) to discovering that Al Gore uses as much energy in his mansion (occupied by two people) in one day as the entire continent of Africa uses in a year. First, they worry only on how this information was made public, then they deny it truthfulness, then they completely miss the point and wonder what Drudge’s or the group that did the report’s energy bill is, and then they assert that Gore has done more for global warming than any other person so he’s allowed to waste energy all he wants because he earned it. And, really, isn’t sacrificing modern conveniences for the sake of the environment only for little people and not one as magnificent as Al Gore?
Plus, Gore purchases “carbon offsets”… the plenary indulgence of the environmentalism religion. Yes, Gore does urge others to change their lifestyles while living extravagantly himself, but he has the money to purchase “carbon offsets,” so the liberals don’t see any hypocrisy in that.
Maybe–and I’m just going out on a limb here–those who lack basic logic skills should stay away from issues of science.
I just realized something: Aren’t I basically calling Gore a chickenhawk? I’m pretty much arguing against Gore’s belief in global warming by pointing out that he doesn’t believe in it enough to change his own lifestyle. It is faulty reasoning–one’s argument can easily be correct or incorrect regardless of his or her own actions–but the left-wing loves faulty reasoning so perhaps it our duty to point out that Al Gore is an environmental chickenhawk. We should ignore anything he has to say about global warming until he signs up to fight in Iraq… or something.
UPDATE:
Jim Treacher has it right: Liberals seem hung up thinking we don’t understand “carbon offsets” when, in fact, we just don’t buy it. Perhaps we understand it better than they do.