Louis Farrakhan, the 73 year-old leader of the Nation Of Islam, has recently been released from the hospital after a long stay to recuperate from surgery to correct a botched prostate cancer procedure.
However, just to make sure that Minister “Screwy Louie” Farrakhan is around for a long, long time for us to make fun of, we’d like to suggest that he take it easy when returning to his usual duties of inciting hatred, blaming Causacians for self-inflicted minority-on-minority crimes, and pretending to be sane when the network television news cameras are on.
Tired, recoverying public figures usually don’t have a problem appearing sane, since they’re usually only up for a simple smile and a wave. But it’s important for Farrakhan to take it easy and take it slowly on the long road to recovering his flaming mantle of scorn from those he has willed it to.
We suggest that he start with the equivalent of bed rest for invective-slinging polemics: just mildly disliking White people and Jews, in small amounts and infrequently during the day.
Then, when he feels strong enough, he can add in a bit of aggressive rherotic, but not in a sustained and continuous stream of vicious blood-libel and recitation of “Rabbis were dancing on the rooftops after 9/11” conspiracies.
Usually at this stage, I’d suggest a bit of golf. However, that might involve the Minister ranting about the club’s history of discrimination, despite the fact that the club opened its doors sometime in the Sixties as a result of… of… oh, who was that guy that Farrakhan’s former boss had killed again?
Where were we?
Perhaps then, he will be well enough to travel, appearing at Moorehead and TSU to graciously accept Lifetime Achievement Awards, but he’ll need to take it easy and limit his speeches to thanking the audience for their support, but no sustained rhetoric until his doctors clear him for unchecked outbursts of hatred.
At that point, then and only then, would it be safe for him to return to his usual duties.
Now, it’s up to his bowtied minions to make sure that Minister Farrakhan sticks to this progressive schedule, perhaps easing the burden of vehement anti-Semitism and reverse racism on their leader by taking it up on their own.
Good luck, Louie, and get better soon!

Continue reading ‘Get well soon, Louis Farrakhan!’ »

According to the upcoming report on global climate change:

the last half-century was probably the hottest in at least the past 1,300 years.

Now, looking back about 1300 years ago, we discover that in 732 A.D.:

Muslim empire reaches its furthest extent.

Now, 1300 years later, the crazed Murderers For Muhammed are on the move again, coincidentally at the same time we’re experiencing record heat waves, droughts, floods, storms, tsunamis, and hurricanes.
I think the connection is obvious.
So remember:
Save the planet.
Kill a terrorist.

Sentor Biden recently stated that Obama was “clean.” Many see this as a backhanded compliment. Some, like those of us here at IMAO, are very offended by this remark. I mean, can’t a black man take a shower just like everyone else and not have some liberal say, “Wow, how did you shower without dropping that stolen TV?”
Anyway, Senator Biden has always had good things to say about Obama. In fact, let me share with you…

Senator Biden’s Other Obama Compliments.
10. He reminds me of OJ Simpson, but without the murder accusations.
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9. He has never taken me aside to ‘aks’ me something.
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8. He came over to a dinner party, and afterwards, we still had all our silverware!
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7. It’s so good to see a man marry his baby’s momma.
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6. He really can control his lust for white women.
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5. America needs more diversity in its presidencies. Obama can help us meet that quota.
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4. I like that he enjoys fried chicken, but he isn’t obsessesed with it.
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3. Obama’s wonderful because he’s spent hardly any time in jail.
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2. He went to Harvard and he’s only half white!
And the number one compliment Senator Biden has for Obama…

Continue reading ‘Top Ten: Senator Biden’s Other Obama “Compliments”’ »

I know many of you don’t like to shake the hands of black people out of fear of them not being clean, but Senator Joe Biden has declared Obama to be clean. Quoteth Biden on Obama:

“I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy.”

Seriously, how far is that statement from drunkenly ranting about the Jews to revealing how Biden thinks of minorities. I don’t really care for Obama any, but come on!
UPDATE:
Even Kos couldn’t ignore this one.

While Rudy Guiliani is a very popular politician for how he cleaned up crime in New York City and stood strong after terrorist attacks, I think Glenn Reynolds is right that the gun issue is going to hurt him in the Republican primaries when people begin to look at Guiliani more critically. The best solution for Rudy is to shoot someone – preferably a terrorist. Then, when someone says, “Hey, I hear Guiliani is anti-gun,” someone else will say, “Whadda you talking about? He just shot someone… right in the face! And then he laughed! That guy likes guns.”
It would be good PR. The main advantage Guiliani has is the perception that, if let loose in Gitmo, he’d personally beat the terrorists to death with a tire iron. Frankly, while I really wouldn’t like voting for someone I disagree with on important social issues, I think what we really need is a president who would beat to death terrorist with a blunt metal object and enjoy it.

The Democrats are peeved that the president left off the “ic” in Democratic when describing the newly major party in his SOTU. It’s reprehensible. The president may as well as said he wished all Democrats were killed by way of making them eat their own words. Of course many of the phrases they’d end up eating would annihilate each other and be converted to pure energy when they met their anti-phrase in the stomach. Killing them instantly and simultaneously curing our oil addiction. In fact it may have been a hidden code phrase for just that.
But the swaggering, smirking, nerve of the president! Equating THEM, members of the Democratic party, with DEMOCRATS, members of, of all things, the DEMOCRATIC PARTY. Of all people in the work to be compared to! It JUST makes NO sense! What sort of fantasy world does the President live in? The nerve! The gall! The syllable! Truly this monumental gaff can never be forgiven nor should it be forgotten. When dealing with the easily offended, fragile egos of the likes of the Democratic party, it is important to understand that they are used to hearing the ‘ic’.
They NEED to hear the ic. Its the only part of our form of government they have seen fit to keep. Think of it as the only remaining vestige of their etymological (look it up) heritage. Take that away and they are then forced to see themselves as they truly are, filthy, diseased vermin that live in idealogical sewers.
But what I fear they fail to understand is whenever a Republican says something that sounds like they are saying “Democratic”, its more than likely not DemocratIC, they are saying. Instead, he or she is really saying “Democrat, Ick.”
Used in a sentence, “I just stepped in a pile of democrat, ick.” So, when we leave off the ‘ic’ we are simply trying to be polite, before we clean off our shoes.
The next time you see a Democrat instead of referring to their party as the Democrat party and offend them, we should say “ICK!” and leave it at that.

“No, the line for ‘American Idol: Iraq’ auditions is over there… THIS is the line for getting autographed copies of ‘The Chronicles of Dubya Volume I‘.”
[Whaddya suppose that confused-looking guy at the back thinks the line is for?]
[Hat tip: CENTCOM]

If carbon dioxide causes global warming, then all we need to do is create a device that removes one oxygen atom out of planet-killing carbon dioxide thus changing it to eco-friendly carbon monoxide!
Brilliant!

Reference

Search Inside the Book is now active for Chronicles of Dubya on Amazon.com. How many times is the phrase “Rumsfeld Strangler” used? How often does President Bush vow to murder someone dead? Now you can search and find out! It’s the only source you’ll need for political history from late 2002 until the end of 2003.

I would just like to remind loyal IMAO readers that we have no problem with underwear tossing when it comes to demonstrating your undying devotion to the IMAO weblog and podcast…

Underwear tossing was the deal breaker, a lawsuit brought against renowned opera singer Dame Kiri Te Kanawa contends.
Dame Kiri pulled out of a series of concerts with Australian crooner John Farnham after learning that fans sometimes threw underwear at the pop star, according to testimony in court Monday.
Concert promoter Leading Edge Events is suing the New Zealand-born Te Kanawa and her former manager, Nick Grace, for more than more than $464,000 for alleged breach of contract after the soprano decided not to participate in the 2005 tour.
A lawyer for Leading Edge, Richard Evans, told the New South Wales state Supreme Court that Grace knew Te Kanawa had some concerns about performing with Farnham, one of Australia’s best-known pop singers.
“On many occasions Dame Kiri told Mr. Grace that she was not committed, and had some reservations about co-performing with John Farnham,” Evans said, but those feelings were never relayed to the promoter.
“So the plaintiff was led into error in thinking if someone’s pants ended up on the stage that was not enough to dissuade Dame Kiri from performing with John Farnham,” Evans said.

What you choose to throw at your computer screen or at your podcast listening device is your own business, and we’re all about that personal-choice, liberty decision stuff.
However, if you’re listening to the podcast in your car, we strongly urge you to only throw underwear at the playback device that you’re not already wearing. It’s very dangerous to remove your udnerwear while driving (just ask Harvey).
And if you’re reading the IMAO website in your car, well, for God’s sake please pay attention to the road!

John Edwards was right. There are indeed two Americas. There’s the one you and I live in. With the statue of Liberty, Wal-Marts and utility bills. And then there’s the America that is completely contained within his new 28 THOUSAND square foot house mansion.
Palatial. But don’t you worry about this man of the people. If the one term senator wins the presidency (unlikely), he won’t have to downsize his digs. The White House, at 55,000 sf, is almost twice as big as Castle Edwards.