Normally, my philosophy regarding gay sheep is to live and let live. Sure, they can go out and party, participate in sheep pride parades, and maintain successful gossip blogs. But when it comes time to research on curing gay sheep I say that the price to be paid is small. This thought came to mind when reading the Times article that talks about recent science experiments in which scientists are manipulating hormones to see if they can “straighten out” the gay sheep.
(Note: How do they figure out if sheep are no longer gay? Do they put them in a video room and see which DVD’s they decide to watch? Are they straight when they stop watching Brokeback Mountain and Barbra Streisand concerts? What do they watch instead? The Guns of Navarone? The Dirty Dozen?)
Like I said, a couple of straight sheep high fiving each other and watching football is a small price to pay in the name of science and research. in fact, this research on gay sheep could one day lead us to a cure for Parkinsons Disease:An illness which has ravaged one of our favorite actors, Michael J. Fox. I’m sure that Michael would come out in favor of research on gay sheep, or he would if he could stop wiggling long enough to pay attention.
That’s why I’m completely in favor of this project. Research on Gay Sheep may lead to wonderful, amazing, miraculous cures in the future.
Yes, there are those gay activitsts with their Right To Gay agendas, but these people are being very shortsighted and, frankly, heterophobic. Is it wrong to want to cure Parkinson’s disease? Wrong to want to find the cure for cancer, or other deadly diseaseases which ravage our nation and leave behind a swath of pain, terror, and destruction larger than Hurricane Katrina or a visit from the Religion of Peace?
And what would be the price?
That Sam the Sheep likes Shirley and not Steve?
That fewer Sheep Earings are sold?
That fewer people will appreciate the comedy stylings of Rosie O’ Donnell?
Maybe we could reach an understanding with the gay community. Gay sheep turned straight would all have the option of undergoing Sheep Sex Change Operations. I don’t know. I don’t have all the answers. I’m just one man who doesn’t always take his medication.
Anyway, this is a good experiment and deserves our support!

A terrorist group calling themselves “Toddlers for Allah” have started taking hostages. The captured victims have not yet been identified, although – judging by the red nose – the one on the left may be Ted Kennedy.
[Hat tip: CENTCOM]

Some conservatives have been making a big deal about how newly elected Muslim Congressman Keith Ellison wants to swear in on the Koran instead of the Bible. In a smart political move, Ellison has decided to use Thomas Jefferson’s Koran (it’s from Jefferson’s rebellious Muslim phase when he was growing up in Marin County, California).
To me, all this swearing in controversy is just wasted energy because you either elected a crook or you didn’t. Apparently, some people are worried that, because Ellison is Muslim, as soon as he’s sworn in he’s going to eat everyone’s candy… unless he’s forced to swear in on a Bible and thus bound by the power of Christ to only do good (just like all other elected officials).
Whatever. People really shouldn’t be worried about some Muslim takeover or Sharia being imposed on us as soon as Nancy Pelosi gets her boney grip on the House. Ellison is a Democrat and probably a liberal, and we all know how liberals never take their purported religions seriously. You know how some claim to be devout Christians yet have weasely reasoning why abortion and gay marriage is okay despite what the Bible says? Well, I bet Ellison has some weasely reasoning on why he doesn’t have to kill Jews despite the Koran explicitly telling him to.
So chill, yo.

Okay, so I’m watching the coverage of the final leg of the Tour d’Ford on Fox, and they’ve got this huge bulletproof hearse sitting at the presidential library.
Then it hits me… there wasn’t a Transformer Autobot that could transform into a hearse, was there?
I don’t think there was.
But let’s say there was a hearse Autobot, what would his name be?

I had one editorial to try and be controversial to get publicity for my book, and that ended up getting some other blogger shut down. Try try again, I guess. Here are my ideas so far for controversial opinions to get everyone to condemn me (and mention my book):
FRANK IDEAS FOR CONTROVERSIAL OPINIONS
* It should be illegal for women to get abortions under any circumstances. Also, the federal government should be able to impregnate women whenever it feels like it.
* The only people who should pay taxes are the poor as punishment for how little they produce.
* Gays should be allowed to marry… if they promise to stop being gay.
* American Indians should be deported back to Russia.
* The only legitimate reason for war is a slow news cycle.
* Not only should all Americans be able to carry guns at all times, they must carry guns! Also, they must carry katanas because my country is not going to be a place vulnerable to ninja attacks.
* There should be a holiday to celebrate rich white men.
* The Jews are responsible for all wars… both real and those depicted in movies. Also, the Cola War is all about oil.
* Let’s not say “genocide” like it’s a bad thing.
* There’s no time to check for papers; anyone Mexican-looking should be immediately deported… as well as anyone seen eating a burrito. Taco Bell employees should be deported as well.
* Instead of Iraq being controlled by different Islamic factions, the government should be handed over to the Scientologists.
* Maybe Bush should be more like Hitler.
* In order to moderate Islamic beliefs, all us critics must first convert to Islam.
* I’m glad the Crocodile Hunter is dead.
If you have other ideas for controversial opinions I can use, put them in the comments.

Pat Robertson and I share the same gift.

IMAO reader: Being stupid?
RWD: No, i mean…
IMAO reader: Being able to offend people with your stupidity?
RWD: No, i mean..
IMAO reader: You mean you both have an ability to say ridiculous things without thinking them through?
RWD: Will you shut up already. I mean the gift of prophecy!!
IMAO reader: Yeah, you guys are always trying to make a prophet out of me.
RWD: Just shut up, okay?

That’s right readers. Just as Pat Robertson heard from God that there will be tremendous masskilling,(maybe from another terrorist attack) so have I heard from the voices in MY head about alll the other things that will be happening in 2007. And of course, no new year is quite started until we get the predictions out of the way.

RightWingDuck’s Predictions for 2007
(please check back in December and see how I did.)
Mel Gibson will convert to Judaism and will write a new book “I can’t help it but I hate myself.”
He’ll eventually turn it into a $40 million dollar film which will flop because of the bloody, gory violence.
**
Donald Trump will finally use some of his millions and invest in the Hair Club For Men. He’ll rename it — Hair Trumps All.
*
Rosie O Donnell will be chosen as the Spokesperson for China. She will win the hearts of Chinese everywhere. Her endearing crass manner will earn her the beloved name — Chin Chin.

The cast of The View will come down with food poisoning. Everyone that is except Rosie. She will go on the air by herself with a special episode – 101 ways President Bush is just like Hitler.
**
John Kerry will be nominated to become an International Ambassador. He will be nominated by Syria and sent on missions to the United States. It will be his first major accomplishment not involving marriage.

Continue reading ‘Predictions for 2007’ »

It didn’t take long after getting the Nintendo Wii to have SarahK demand to play another game of Wii Bowling when I wanted to go to sleep. And, on her last frame, she managed to hit the cat, the TV, and the dog with one Wii-mote throw (and, yes, she had on the wrist strap).
How can someone claim such a dangerous system isn’t for serious gamers?
BTW, if you have a Wii, e-mail me and we can exchange console addresses.

I was waiting for this to make it to YouTube. Here is Scrubs (and Jesus) on abortion:

(hat tip to K-Lo at The Corner)