I had one editorial to try and be controversial to get publicity for my book, and that ended up getting some other blogger shut down. Try try again, I guess. Here are my ideas so far for controversial opinions to get everyone to condemn me (and mention my book):
FRANK IDEAS FOR CONTROVERSIAL OPINIONS
* It should be illegal for women to get abortions under any circumstances. Also, the federal government should be able to impregnate women whenever it feels like it.
* The only people who should pay taxes are the poor as punishment for how little they produce.
* Gays should be allowed to marry… if they promise to stop being gay.
* American Indians should be deported back to Russia.
* The only legitimate reason for war is a slow news cycle.
* Not only should all Americans be able to carry guns at all times, they must carry guns! Also, they must carry katanas because my country is not going to be a place vulnerable to ninja attacks.
* There should be a holiday to celebrate rich white men.
* The Jews are responsible for all wars… both real and those depicted in movies. Also, the Cola War is all about oil.
* Let’s not say “genocide” like it’s a bad thing.
* There’s no time to check for papers; anyone Mexican-looking should be immediately deported… as well as anyone seen eating a burrito. Taco Bell employees should be deported as well.
* Instead of Iraq being controlled by different Islamic factions, the government should be handed over to the Scientologists.
* Maybe Bush should be more like Hitler.
* In order to moderate Islamic beliefs, all us critics must first convert to Islam.
* I’m glad the Crocodile Hunter is dead.
If you have other ideas for controversial opinions I can use, put them in the comments.
Any Caucasian entering New Orleans must first be covered head to toe in government surplus chocolate so as to maintain Mayor Nagin’s dream for a chocolate New Orleans. Any Caucasian seen not wearing their chocolate is fair game for looting.
Cigarettes should be the prize in every box of cereal.
Men should be able to buy whatever they want, whenever they want without objection from their wives…especially when it comes to purchasing the Nintendo Wii and all games/accessories associated with said gaming system.
Donald Rumsfeld should be given a legitimate License To Strangle so that he can use his God-given talent in broad daylight with no legal repercussions.
Nukes, tactical or otherwise should always be the FIRST course of action in any conflict, including rioting or anywhere Cindy Sheehan is protesting.
Addendum to the above: Any protester who lies down in the middle of the street is automatically considered part of the street and thus legal to drive over, repeatedly if necessary.
That Crocodile Hunter crack …. don’t you think it is a little too soon for that? I mean, dude, come on.
Not only should all Americans be able to carry guns at all times, they must carry guns!
Actually, Kennesaw, Georgia, near which I lived for the longest seventeen months of my life not involving high school, has a law something like that. I think that it’s that every household must own a gun. I have no idea how they enforce it.
You left out the eco-nazis……..
How about putting James Watt in charge of a government program in support of eating tuna-free dolphin? [“Tastes like chicken”]
Save the Krill, harpoon a whale.
The pros and cons of gut shooting wolves.
*Gain media support for the Iraq war by calling it Operation Retroactive Terrorist Abortion.
*Classes in nunchuk use should be mandatory in all schools.
*Instead of corporal punishment in schools, install capital punishment.
*A “Hot Chicks Only” immigration policy.
There should be a minimum wage for “undocumented aliens”…and it should be $0.00
I can only assume Rich, White & Free Day will NOT be a federal holiday! Employees must work while I’m out on my yacht celebrating.
Encourage guys to hit the CodePink rallies to “pick up some chicks”.
Start throwing bacon cheeseburgers at people attending PETA functions. Then ask them if they want fries with that.
the kennesaw law, which is admittedly not enforced, mandates that th head of every household own a firearm and compatible ammunition… i should know, i’ve lived there since ’95
as for controversial statements…
bomb the hajj (and/or douse it with pig blood)
Probably the one about the scientologists.
L. Ron Hubbard wants YOU to buy a Honda Civic!
“Greasel” the Mexican Bio-diesel alternative of the future.
Because “Greasel” is made from people. Solves several problems at once.
I’m still waiting for retribution for thinking that one up.
Not sure about controversial opinions, but one thing that might help sell a book of “In My Worlds” is to write some new ones, say weekly….on Wednesdays? Perhaps about the new Democratic majority in Congress being sworn in?? Someone needs to be beaten with sticks again soon.
Illegal aliens shall have their internal organs harvested prior to being put down.
Firearms proficientcy examinations will now be a required part of every high school’s cirriculum.
Anyone in prison for commiting violent crimes automatically becomes a subject for clinical drug trials and research.
Gays can marry, but not divorce
Give the U.S. military a simple, dirt-cheap, yet exquisite new weapon to use in the Middle East: Exploding Pigs.
“Gays can marry, but not divorce”
Yea, but is it still grounds for divorce if your spouse turns out to be gay. Or is it just tough luck. Whose fault is it. It would be one thing to find out your spouse is gay, another for it to be judged no one’s fault. Than they get the divorce, the house, and the kids.
Don’t think it won’t eventually happen.
//Men should be able to buy whatever they want, whenever they want without objection from their wives…especially when it comes to purchasing the Nintendo Wii and all games/accessories associated with said gaming system.//
OH NO YOU DI’NT!! Gfresh, you’re about to earn yourself a quick flight off a balcony.
My controversial idea is to have my Benevolent Overlord Kal El destroy all game systems of married/dating men with his rock awesome laser/heat vision.
Also every man considering marriage is required to read at least ONE Johanna Lindsey romance book (specifically the ones with the spankings in them)before he can get a license.
Shim,
This is a side of you I am always frightened of when I see it. And I really could have done without the spanking images, thank you very much!
And if married/dating men can’t have video games, women can never have or shop for more than 3 pairs of shoes throughout the marriage. 3 pair cap to start, only three pairs ever bought for the rest of the relationship. Seems fair.
Fight the Gynocracy Frank! 🙂
I’m trying to find one statement that a loyal IMAO reader would find controversial?
Every evening an hour after sundown, everyone has to fire all their weapons for a full minute to demonstrate what they are packing.
A nationwide mad minute.
Violence is golden.
Solve the illegal immigrant problem with a $100 bounty per head, dead or alive.
Solve the illegal immigrant problem by enslaving all those caught after a given date. “Slavery! This time it’s for Mexicans.” We could give them to black people for reparations, or use them to build a wall on the southern border, or maybe cool pyramids. I’ve got it! A wall MADE of cool pyramids!
BTW I love the “hot chicks only” immigration policy. We could also:
– charge admission. Auction off slots on e-bay. We would get more if we did the hot chicks thing for a few years 1st.
– run contests (drinking games, fear factor, jeopardy, ultimate fighting, immigrant idol). How about olympic events? After a few years we would win every medal.
– make them “pledge the fraternity” and haze them for the 1st few years.
Napalm all Palestinian funerals. I am tired of seeing those idiots on the news wearing masks and firing guns into the air for no reason. Let’s give them a reason.
Raid the houses of all welfare recipients. Confiscate all TV’s, stereos, air conditioners, dishwashers, jewelry, liquor & tobacco. Sell it at auction to recoup taxpayer’s money.
“Share the Nukes” foreign aid program. Any country run by a tinhorn dictator will be given at least two nuclear weapons upon written request, or a demand by any democrat in the House or Senate. The nukes will be delivered over the country’s capital by a B-2 Stealth bomber leased to UPS or Fed-Ex.
Wolfman,
What’s so controversial about your suggestions. Keep this up and you’ll be the voice of reason around here.
//Shim,
This is a side of you I am always frightened of when I see it. //
If I’m not frightening you, then I’m not doing my job.
New Controversial Idea!! Everyone who runs for office must be spanked soundly at least 10 strokes at the end of each workday, this way we’ll know which ones are really serious about doing their job…or at least we’ll know the ones who don’t mind spanking.
Shim, again, I’m very frightened. Yet oddly entertained and arous… Hey! Look at the shiny stuff! scampers away
.especially when it comes to purchasing the Nintendo Wii and all games/accessories associated with said gaming system.
I got my reserved Twilight Princess, but haven’t yet got a Wii to play it on. sob
WHY?! WHY MUST THE GAMING GODS TAUNT ME SO?!
Green Welling LLP filed a class action lawsuit against Nintendo for their “defective wrist straps”. /Wiki
I swear to Miyamoto, if you Green Welling guys are slowing down the movement of Wiis into stores, I will hunt you down like Mario after Bowser. At which point I will use the Mario no jutsu abilities of stomping on your heads and shooting you with fire. Granted, I’ll need a flamethrower, as I have not yet successfully cultivated a Fire Flower garden.
Can’t find the Cape Feather bird, either.
Anyone seen some flying, shell-less turtles?
END TURBAN BLIGHT:
dismantle the gasoline economy!
As a right-wing environmentalist this is a slogan I can really get behind.
Hey Omar, your headgear should say something like “New York Yankees”, not “Ramada”. (Is it me or do those towels and the hotel chain sound an awful lot like Ramadan???)
Lets allow for post-partum abortions:
all KosKids please report to your doctor.
“Gays can marry, but not divorce”
That’s already the case in many states. For instance, a lesbian couple that got married in Toronto filed for divorce a few years later in Oklahoma. The judge refused to grant it.
Mandatory fireams training/qualification required for advancement in public school. Start with BB guns in K to 4th grade. Belt fed weapons by the time they’re seniors in HS.
We should solve the pending Social Security shortfall by reversing current trends in smoking. Step 1: cigarette vending machines in all schools.