“No, the line for ‘American Idol: Iraq’ auditions is over there… THIS is the line for getting autographed copies of ‘The Chronicles of Dubya Volume I‘.”
[Whaddya suppose that confused-looking guy at the back thinks the line is for?]
[Hat tip: CENTCOM]
Archive of entries posted on 30th January 2007
American Idol Six – Birmingham auditions
Ryan just said the dumbest thing. Something like “Birmingham is the home of Bo Bice, Ruben Studdard, and Taylor Hicks. So we thought we’d come see what all the hype is about.” Uhhh. All the hype is about Bo, Ruben, and Taylor. Well, not so much Ruben for me, but you get my picture.
Erica Skye (sp? I didn’t is yelling “Unchained Melody”, make that butchering “Unchained Melody”, which she heard was Simon’s favorite song. Oh good grief. She’s gonna sing “Unchained Melody” by “Leann Rimes”. It’s not by her, but she did cover it, if you must know. You wish they would have been nicer? I wish you would have stopped singing when they asked you to the first time. Or the first ten times.
Katie Bernard. Um, I did not expect her to sound like that after hearing the Mickey Mouse speak. She can sing. I hated it, but I can’t deny that she has a voice. I hope she sings differently, but she can sing. She’s so stinking annoying but in a very cute way. Like she’s the Kellie Pickler who could actually grow on me. The ridiculously annoying girl whom everyone loves for some inexplicable reason, but I could actually learn to like her. Except that she is not tone deaf like KP. Paula puts her through simply because Simon hates it.
Tatiana McConnico is 17 and fabulous. Yay, she’s through.
Diana Walker is singing “Saving All My Love”. Paula and Randy are laughing at her. She’s really not so good, and she sounds like she’s doing belly laughs on some of the notes. It is a little funny, I must say, but the way Randy and Paula are behaving… That’s so RUDE!
Bernard Williams II. “Rock with You”, and thankfully doesn’t sound like Michael Jackson. I’m so over Michael Jackson. Sounds very good, and Simon says 100% yes. Paula says great tone but thinks it’s off-key? What? Her eyes are kinda moving all funky, and her Coca-Cola glass is full of something that looks like water, right?
Margaret Fowler. She offends my senses with her Big Birdy ways. Haha, her name is Fowler. As in fowl. Chicken. Fowl. And she’s fifty. Simon finally gets her confession.
Awww, that Coke commercial was totally cute.
Meet your next dumb blonde bombshell act. Jamie Lynn Ward. Except with an even more sobby awful sympathy-votey story. Sorry, but Frank and I laughed at that over-the-top story. Maybe not so much at the story itself, but the way she said it.
JUDGES: So tell us about yourself.
SYMPATHY VOTE: I live with my Grama. My dad’s paralyzed.
JUDGES: Oh. I’m sorry. How?
SYMPATHY VOTE [matter-of-factly]: Oh. He shot himself. In the neck. [Just a-rockin’ back and forth on her heels, grinnin’.]
JUDGES: Wow. Uh. Why?
SYMPATHY VOTE: Oh. It’s ok. It just tells you to keep trying. No matter what. His wife was cheatin’ on him. That’s my step-mom. He shot her. Then he shot himself. Now he’s paralyzed. And me and my Grama take care of him. Y’all wanna go get some ice cream?
Something like that. As you may have guessed, she’s through to the next round. She actually had a pretty enough voice. And she’s not tone-deaf like last year’s sympathy vote. Randy and Paula said yes, and Simon said he would have said no. Oh, and her accent is even more over the top than Kellie Pickler’s. And yes. She’s from North Carolina. Yippee!
Chris Sligh, my favorite contestant so far. Finally, a contestant with a personality! Why are you here? “I wanna make David Hassellhoff cry.” He references the tear on the Hoff’s cheek in last year’s finale when Taylor won. Hahahahahaha. Love it. Frank and I are instant fans. He has confidence but isn’t pretentious. I could do without his overly shaky vibrato, but I think he won Simon over by proving that Americans have humor(humour) too. Paula’s first seal clap of the the season, for a Seal song! And I’m pretty sure she’s loopy now. And he’s through to Hollywood.
Paula had to go back to Hollywood for a family obligation. She’s related to Betty Ford? So now it’s just Randy and Simon.
Continue reading ‘American Idol Six – Birmingham auditions’ »
Frank Save Planet!
Hagel: The Rare Nebraskan RINO
Now a Research Tool
Search Inside the Book is now active for Chronicles of Dubya on Amazon.com. How many times is the phrase “Rumsfeld Strangler” used? How often does President Bush vow to murder someone dead? Now you can search and find out! It’s the only source you’ll need for political history from late 2002 until the end of 2003.
Underwear-throwing
I would just like to remind loyal IMAO readers that we have no problem with underwear tossing when it comes to demonstrating your undying devotion to the IMAO weblog and podcast…
Underwear tossing was the deal breaker, a lawsuit brought against renowned opera singer Dame Kiri Te Kanawa contends.
Dame Kiri pulled out of a series of concerts with Australian crooner John Farnham after learning that fans sometimes threw underwear at the pop star, according to testimony in court Monday.
Concert promoter Leading Edge Events is suing the New Zealand-born Te Kanawa and her former manager, Nick Grace, for more than more than $464,000 for alleged breach of contract after the soprano decided not to participate in the 2005 tour.
A lawyer for Leading Edge, Richard Evans, told the New South Wales state Supreme Court that Grace knew Te Kanawa had some concerns about performing with Farnham, one of Australia’s best-known pop singers.
“On many occasions Dame Kiri told Mr. Grace that she was not committed, and had some reservations about co-performing with John Farnham,” Evans said, but those feelings were never relayed to the promoter.
“So the plaintiff was led into error in thinking if someone’s pants ended up on the stage that was not enough to dissuade Dame Kiri from performing with John Farnham,” Evans said.
What you choose to throw at your computer screen or at your podcast listening device is your own business, and we’re all about that personal-choice, liberty decision stuff.
However, if you’re listening to the podcast in your car, we strongly urge you to only throw underwear at the playback device that you’re not already wearing. It’s very dangerous to remove your udnerwear while driving (just ask Harvey).
And if you’re reading the IMAO website in your car, well, for God’s sake please pay attention to the road!
The Breck Girl and The Two Americas
John Edwards was right. There are indeed two Americas. There’s the one you and I live in. With the statue of Liberty, Wal-Marts and utility bills. And then there’s the America that is completely contained within his new 28 THOUSAND square foot house mansion.
Palatial. But don’t you worry about this man of the people. If the one term senator wins the presidency (unlikely), he won’t have to downsize his digs. The White House, at 55,000 sf, is almost twice as big as Castle Edwards.
Know Thy Enemy: Global Warming Climate Change
Global climate change keeps making the news, and now Al Gore’s documentary is scheduled to win an Oscar. Thus, I sent my crack research team to find out all they can about global climate change:
FUN FACTS ABOUT GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE
* Global climate change was first discovered during the Ice Age when some guy said, “Hey, it’s been getting kinda cold lately.” This was blamed on the activities of man, specifically their angering the moon god by giving it lackluster offerings of shiny beads.
* The first global warming fear came at the end of the Ice Age when noted climatologist Thag observed, “It get warm.” Many didn’t believe Thag and were unprepared for the coming ice cube shortage.
* Today, climate change is blamed on humans doing cool stuff like burning things and driving big trucks since these also anger the moon god.
* Earlier last century, it was believed that human activity was causing the world to cool. Now, it is believed human activity is causing the globe to warm. Eventually the two will merge into the global lukewarming theory and scientists will debate whether or not you’ll need a jacket.
* Extremely cold winters are also evidence of global warming if they are observed when scientists declare it to be opposite day.
Continue reading ‘Know Thy Enemy: Global Warming Climate Change’ »
Where have I been?
Some of you may have noticed that besides the Mahmoud Prays and Friday Catblogging and the shameless plugging of my Pickle Tales storytelling competition (I’m in the finals next week!), I’ve been kind of absent from here.
However, I’d like to take a moment to explain…
She’s Not the Only One Who Is Resentful
Hillary Clinton demanded that President Bush get America out of Iraq before the end of his term. So, the Democrats do have a plan: Tell the President to solve all the problems. It’s lucky we gave them power.
Seriously, though, Hillary is planning on being president after Bush, and the last thing she wants to have to deal with is a serious problem – she has our health care to screw up, ya know, and that’s hard with a war going on. Also, Hillary demanded that Bush make sure the economy is on the rise before he leaves office (but not until just before he leaves office) and that Bush leave mints on the pillows before exiting the White House. In response, President Bush said he’d like Hillary to choke and die before the end of his term.
But don’t we all?